Today...

Today.....

I've learnt such great lesson......

Something that will stay with me for eternity...

Never underestimate the ability of the elder people.
They do not perform at an optimal level not because they are unable to.....
Rather.... It is because they never pushed themselves harder because they know what to prioritize...


But if they do....


They win because they are physically stronger...
But it is because they are mentally wiser....

- Michelle @ Cosmic Bowl Midvalley [2nd November 2010]

Just gotta make an announcement first :)

To those who even bothers to check this page :) of course,

Matt & I are legally married, but we've yet to be considered married, the Chinese way or the religious way

So please hold on to your questions if it is going to be any of the following:
1. Ang pow mana?
2. When's the kids coming along?
3. Where did you go for your honeymoon?

Although we are enjoying every bit of our status as legally married husband & wife, but at least spare us some breathing space first lah!! Kids can come later once we've settled down in our new home.

Work's a pressure cooker for us, and he's starting work earlier and earlier and I am mugging later and later, going through some sleepless nights because I'm trying to crack some ideas on how to solve problems back at the office.

And wedding's gonna probably be between June - September 2011, till then we have no plans on sporting a baby bump, go though morning sickness, thinking of whether it's gonna be a BOY or a GIRL or even anything that lies between that :)

But heck, life's been pretty good being married. Not like what most men say 'when you get married, it means GAME OVER'. Naah... It's a beginning of something new......

Don't look back...

Many a time, we'd have seen videos, movies and read or heard stories about how people got married, have kids and grow old happily until their old flame appears.

And that is when a big destabilizing factor hits the relationship and rocks the entire foundation of a happy (or at least, as what the story tells us it is happy) marriage.

Logged into FB and saw my hubby's status. Felt a little surprised. But after deliberating, how true it would have been. Then I thought to myself, one should never look back if one believes that he/she has found the right one.

We've gotta bear in mind that the right one is not really the same as the 'absolutely perfect one'. Nobody is perfect. Even though we have friends who are seemingly perfect, but they too have their own doubts, insecurities and things that will pull them down. And being husband & wife is not just about trying to be two people joined under oath and a silly cert stating that we are married.

Marriage too, for me, is not absolutely all about procreation and nothing else.

But then and there again, when we have made our choices, we have already accepted each other for their own flaws as much as we are in for the 80% of the criteria we really want. Unless it is a match made wedding which is uncommon but brings more excitement (according to my friend!).

After all these, I guess that I should not even bother looking back. Even though I know that looking back will only make me feel sillier because of all those insane decisions made, those that we just never thought thoroughly.

Sometimes, the past may sting your heart. Remembering the times you were ditched, stood up, those days you were naive and silly that you were taken advantage of (emotionally) and those stupid days you spent waiting for that one phone call that never came or those empty promises that sounded like clothes flapping in the air (which does not matter anyway).

Reminiscing the stupidity of our younger days, it might make us sad or happy. But for me, I am determined to make my days to come something worth remembering. Heck, who will bother if we had a bad past or an extremely good one? Life still goes on!

Babe SCH, we took a vow, saying that we DO want to be in this marriage. We so wanted to start this life journey together. We just want to have an exclusive You&I as Husband&Wife life and whatever life throws at us, it is no longer about you, or me. It is gonna be US :)

Just wanna let you know that I have made the best choice in life and I am happy everyday, knowing the fact that you'd be the last person I see before I sleep and the first I see when I wake up.

I love you!

Surreal. So real...

More than 36 hours passed. I am still trying to grasp the surrealistic dream I went through yesterday.

101010

Sounds like a binary code. Oh wait, it is a part of the binary code anyway! Logic gates, computers. Ahhh... you get it...

Anyway...... I've yet to get through the floaty dreamland-ish euphoria of the entire episode at Putrajaya, but I am now glad to say this ... I am officially and legally MARRIED to my beloved Matt Sia!

Years passed. We celebrated our Anniversary on the 5th October, and were telling each other, 'yeah, 5 more days to the real day and then, we change our anniversary date' and hey presto, it is already the 12th as I type!

Anyway, it does not make much difference in our lives, not because it did not matter but more likely because it felt like we've been married since aeons ago and now we're just officiating it! But yes, nonetheless, the euphoria and that words-can-never-describe excitement and adrenaline rush is a whole new experience to me.

One morning I wake up, I am Ms. Lim. The next day, I wake up as Mrs. Sia.

What a change!

Anyway, some of the pictures of the event taken from Shee Li's camera :)

 Buddies who came ALL THE WAY from JB just to attend! Thanks, my friends!!

 Brides and grooms for the day.....

 Angkat Sumpah ----> I do!!

 Family :)

 Friends who means so much to me

and of course, the KIDS!

It was a wonderful experience, especially when you wake up to find that special someone beside you and knowing the fact that he/she is yours forever till the end of time :)

Sia Choon Howe, I love you :)

No biggie. I am ME :)

Seriously,

I will be lying to you if I told you i enjoyed going to concerts. I am claustrophobic.

I will be lying to you if I said I loved metal music. It gives me headache. Its not music. Its noise, like how my faithfully tired brain interpretes it to be.

I will be lying to you if I said that I do not need a camera. 6 months without one is costing me my freakish creativity.

I will be lying to you if I said I didn't work for money. Yes, heck I am. I want to buy a freaking beautiful chandelier thats RM2899 and a beautiful glossy black dining table for RM1999. So, what the hey?

But then again,

Don't hate me for who I am.

I am me.

Be yourself :)

The mere mention of these people's names...

Is enough to drive me crazy to the point of murderous...

I couldn't sleep until about 3.00am... because the whole time I was lying down on my bed I was thinking of nothing... NOTHING but to cancel off these people's lives.

They will be everywhere I go... they will forever haunt me unless I fucking take a gun and kill them off, one by one... or should I take my car's baseball bat steering lock and just bash them until they run off bleeding?

Have you ever been in a situation where the solution to the problem is very simple, but you can't implement it because you just can't?

To these people... listen you bastards. You may have won this battle by causing me to loose sleep, but it ain't over yet. I'd advise you guys to watch your back wherever you go, because one day, IF MY TEMPER SNAPS, so would your lives, I'm afraid... FUCK YOU!

Give me that part of MY LIFE back!!!

Sometimes you'd just feel like screaming to the world. Just ask everyone to just shut up. Or do something like that.

You just cannot take the sound of the ticking clock, reminding you that time is of the essence.

You are reminded of a new day when the cock crows in the morning.

You are repeatedly being sent reminder e-mails about the upcoming meeting you have and those freakish deadlines you have to meet, however impossible it is.

Wouldn't you just want to put a FULL STOP or just press that EMERGENCY STOP button to your life?

I would like to do that right now.

Finding it hard to breathe when the time flies. Finding it tougher to get things done as I am growing 'up'. Finding it even harder when people start looking at me and expecting me to be more 'mature'.

But then alas, we have no control over what other people say, do or whatever else they are capable of.

All I wish is for my own self to just SIT AND THINK of what I really want to do in life. We are automatons, created to be robotic, repetitive and expected to deliver things fast. We are created to be able to troubleshoot everything, take care of everything and ensure that everything goes smoothly in our lives. One person slips up, you step in to deal with it. And live happily ever after, like those people in the movies.

But you know what?

This is not life at all. It is just a painting of life that the rich wants. After all, the 20% benefits from the hard work put in by the 80%. In life, there is no longer loyalty, friendship etc.

Remember those times you called your friends?

Hello? Eh, HI! How are you? By the way... [your true intentions here]

We are all fake. we lie. and we are not proud of it. and yet we do it again and again. when we try to embrace truth, it hurts too much that we just squeeze ourselves back into our snail shell. Hoping to let it shelter us from the storm.

but it will never change us unless we step up and see things in Black and White. Gray area f*cks with your mind. Lawyers make your life miserable by treading on that thin line. We end up becoming liars forever.

Please give me that part of my life back. That one where innocence, happiness and sanity ruled. Not something I have now, where I have to lie to tell the people I deal with that I am holding up well. I am sick of smiling when all I want to do is to jump at you and strangle you to death. I hate being afraid of you and be nice to you because I know that if I am not nice to you, you will murder my husband.

Life's a lie. A very big lie indeed.

Please let me have that part of life I once owned BACK :(

Baffled over and over....

Don't you have that strange feeling that life's just as aimless as we sometimes would get when we have too much time to spend with ourselves?

There are just too many schools of thoughts. Too many idealistic ideals, too many researches, too many beliefs, superstitions etc etc that you can ever name in a flash of a lightning strike.

Life's starting to be judged by the material goods we can afford, it is reflected in the type of places we frequent, it shows in our clique of friends, it is highlighted in our shopping routines, and it is totally written in BOLD and CAPITAL LETTERS when we talk.

Ever wondered if life's supposed to be measured by the number of smiles you could generate on other people's faces?

What if we start looking at the quality of living, rather than just to aimlessly join in the bandwagon in search for the existence of the Path To More Money? Too often we've been sucked into the vortex of 'I can have it all when I have money'. But don't we all realize that it is always ourselves (yes, its us) who brings more sadness, the feeling of depression, inequality, ungratefulness, hatred (whatever that is perceived to be negative) and we're still eagarly welcoming it into our lives?

We all know that we have choices. Making a decision is a choice. Not making a decision and standing on the fence is also a decision. Deciding to stop and deliberate on our next course of action is also a choice.

But time and again, our choices are clouded by 1001 other unimportant and insignificant things in life that we just want to make it significant.

You do not need an iPhone, you WANT it. You do not need a Mac, you just feel like buying it cuz it looks freaking stylish and good. You want to buy something from Marc Jacob although you know its gonna cost you a month of your salary. You want all these so badly that you fail to notice other things you have in life.

Sometimes, our lives are always in the 5th gear and before you know it, it is too late to down shift or even to stop. Once the moment is gone, it is lost forever.

Now, you are given a choice to think of what you really want in life. What you cannot bear losing EVER, that something that will kill you spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc. if you do not have it.

Then, learn to prioritize.

Remember your parents, your family, friends and loved ones who have done so much for you. Sometimes, they deserve that dinner date with you more than your 'new pseudo-friends' ever deserve to have you around.

And always find a way to capture the true essence of life. Material gifts are just plainly tangible and physical. But that one small spiritual touch, that one whiff of humanity, the hues illuminated by love and the euphoria of feeling that you belong to somewhere.... All these are more likely to help open your sensory doors to a whole new level of life and the excitement it brings....

Goodbye, our dear little boy...

I can still recall when he was born in January 2005. It was really an exciting day for me, at least. Although he had a different mother (albeit one who didn't really give a f**k about him), he was sure as hell a love-at-first-sight case for me.

From there, the journey began. And with every page and chapter of my life, he was there... either to rejoice with me, get mad together with me, or to shed tears with me. He endured the repeated pounding of my hands when I got dumped by his first mother. He was there with me, together painting the town red, when I got promoted shortly after. He was also there when I left my first company in rage and jumped into HP.

I met his second mother (and effectively the only and real mother that he'd ever have) in October 2008, and he was there to celebrate our union in the peaks of Genting.

Our little boy had a near-perfect life... he had everything every other little boys didn't. However, God is fair, and nothing in this world escapes that slight imperfection. His legs would grow limp very fast, and he had to endure countless amounts of surgery to get him back to shape. Maybe he gets tired very fast, especially with a daddy who travels a lot, and insists on bringing him wherever he goes. That is not counting the nerve biopsies and replacements that he had to go through whenever his nervous system fails.

Little did we know that this little imperfection would one day be life threatening. Shortly after his 5th birthday, he started walking with a significant limp, and cries out in pain all the time whenever he tries to change direction. His mom and I did everything that we could. Spent thousands on treating him and making him better. All to no avail. Even with new transplants and screws, he still limped and cries out in pain all the time, getting from bad to worse even with the aid of the most advanced technology the world could ever offer.

We are not millionaires, and to put him through a full-body restoring surgery would cost too high... so in the end, after days and nights of thought, tears, and agony, we decided to give him up for adoption... hopefully there will be a kind daddy or mommy (or both) out there who can afford to restore him back to the fullness of health and life.

Looking back, and every time we pass by his new home and see him there, we shed tears of regret... we shed tears of sorrow... WE loved him. We promised a younger brother for him, and we promised surgery to bring him back to good health... but why did we end up giving him up for adoption?

We hope you will forgive us, our dear little boy. We had run out of ideas and ways... sometimes we wished that we had so much money that we could still keep you with us, and love you with each passing day. Sometimes, at night, I dream that we actually kept you and gave you a baby brother, and both of you having so much fun... it makes me cry silent tears. Your mother still hasn't reconciled with the fact that you're gone - tears flowing down her face every time I mention your name...

WHY, GOD? WHY??? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US??? SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU JUST ENJOY SEEING PEOPLE SUFFER IN AGONY, GIVING UP WHATEVER THEY LOVE???

With a heavy heart... with tears in my eyes, and with sorrow flowing through my veins... farewell, my little boy... Farewell, Monster Sia... we hope that someday, when you've grown further, when you see your parents (looking a little older than now), you will still remember us and call us by your signature squeal "EEK"...