I really couldn't ask for more.
A promotion, followed by a second salary increase. Both in the same year... this year.
Hard work does pay off when you're in the correct company, I guess...
But then again, with all that, comes added stress at work. I just missed an opportunity to watch Ip Man II with my bebe and her friends. I started work at 2.30am this morning, finishing only 15 minutes ago. Her movie was scheduled at 4.30pm.
Ah well, I'll just settle for CSI: Miami on AXN (the rerun of the episode where Calleigh got hurt up on the attic of the drug dealer's house).
Time to get back to the TV!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Things to thank for
As I continue butchering myself for my incapability, I needed some truth that would at least levitate me back to my sane self. And I guess, I am also on the 'fairly gifted' page of people.
I may hate my Korean-looking eyes, but many beautiful eyed people would kill to have my 20/20 (or a little deteriorated) vision. At least swimming and snorkeling would not be such a pain, or even the process of wearing contact lenses.
I may wish for beautiful digital-permed hair, but many people are dying to have my so-called long, silky and straight hair. Although they don't know that I lose hair like no man's business. Anyway, who doesn't if it's this length?
I may complain about not being a Caucasian with white skin, but at least I do not suffer from eczema like my kid sis. Whenever I look at her dry-seasoned skin with red patches that looks so painful, I am thankful I need not douse that amount of lotion on my skin. Heck, I don't even use my lotion. It will always reach its expiry date before reaching 1/2 of the bottle.
I complain about not getting a scholarship when my STPM's GPA was 3.33 and when I went to University, I was shocked that many people whom I knew did not even manage a 3.0 and some didn't even get a second chance at University life after not being offered a place in a local University. My parents paid for my education in UCSI!
I complain about not being able to enjoy life and accepted the fact that I will forever be the strong woman that no men will ever love, He decides to send someone special over to me. I don't know if this is a good sign or His sense of humor is unfathomable.
I always complain about never being slim and beautiful enough to be a model. My model friend complains about the excessive make up that clogged her pores, hair spray that made her hair like a pile of hay stack. I complain about not being able to look good, she complain about squeezing her feet into 7-inch high heels for hours for stupid photoshoots at dangerous cliffs that may potentially end her life.
I always talk about the MENSA friends and how good they are in studies, my friend who flunked STPM told me 'hey, you're one year younger than us and you scored well in STPM, so cheer up man! I'll just go out to work I guess?"
I always hated those people who tells other people that Mass Communication students are stupid. Especially those studying Food Science and Biotechnology in UCSI. But my close friend told me this, 'you won't want to be like him. He failed one subject 4 times because he didn't work hard enough'. Yes, you can say that Mass Communication students are just not the best. But hey, not every Medical/Pharmacy/other science-based course student is good either. And in that way, I guess life's just fair.
I still hate the fact that I sweat like a guy. I cannot use a women's deodorant because it is just not strong enough. I hate the fact that my boyfriend never needed deodorant. I hate the fact that I sweat faster and more than most of my guy friends. I hate it that I will start stinking after a good run. But then again, I have friends who can go for jogs around for hours but fail to burn enough fats. They complain about how I can easily lose weight. They tell me how they wish they can sweat like me. But I guess, we will never be contented in the ways we were made?
But alas, life's short. I can continue hating myself for being ugly. Blame myself for having bad knee, back aches that will never heal, illnesses that surfaces all the time, gastric problem that threatens to burn a hole in my stomach or the endless headache that I get. I can continue to grumble and let life wither away. But I hold the key to changing it.
I don't know what it will be. But for these few minutes, I guess I will just keep myself happy with things that I am given. I'll try to smile and appreciate all I have...
I said I will try... No promises though...
I may hate my Korean-looking eyes, but many beautiful eyed people would kill to have my 20/20 (or a little deteriorated) vision. At least swimming and snorkeling would not be such a pain, or even the process of wearing contact lenses.
I may wish for beautiful digital-permed hair, but many people are dying to have my so-called long, silky and straight hair. Although they don't know that I lose hair like no man's business. Anyway, who doesn't if it's this length?
I may complain about not being a Caucasian with white skin, but at least I do not suffer from eczema like my kid sis. Whenever I look at her dry-seasoned skin with red patches that looks so painful, I am thankful I need not douse that amount of lotion on my skin. Heck, I don't even use my lotion. It will always reach its expiry date before reaching 1/2 of the bottle.
I complain about not getting a scholarship when my STPM's GPA was 3.33 and when I went to University, I was shocked that many people whom I knew did not even manage a 3.0 and some didn't even get a second chance at University life after not being offered a place in a local University. My parents paid for my education in UCSI!
I complain about not being able to enjoy life and accepted the fact that I will forever be the strong woman that no men will ever love, He decides to send someone special over to me. I don't know if this is a good sign or His sense of humor is unfathomable.
I always complain about never being slim and beautiful enough to be a model. My model friend complains about the excessive make up that clogged her pores, hair spray that made her hair like a pile of hay stack. I complain about not being able to look good, she complain about squeezing her feet into 7-inch high heels for hours for stupid photoshoots at dangerous cliffs that may potentially end her life.
I always talk about the MENSA friends and how good they are in studies, my friend who flunked STPM told me 'hey, you're one year younger than us and you scored well in STPM, so cheer up man! I'll just go out to work I guess?"
I always hated those people who tells other people that Mass Communication students are stupid. Especially those studying Food Science and Biotechnology in UCSI. But my close friend told me this, 'you won't want to be like him. He failed one subject 4 times because he didn't work hard enough'. Yes, you can say that Mass Communication students are just not the best. But hey, not every Medical/Pharmacy/other science-based course student is good either. And in that way, I guess life's just fair.
I still hate the fact that I sweat like a guy. I cannot use a women's deodorant because it is just not strong enough. I hate the fact that my boyfriend never needed deodorant. I hate the fact that I sweat faster and more than most of my guy friends. I hate it that I will start stinking after a good run. But then again, I have friends who can go for jogs around for hours but fail to burn enough fats. They complain about how I can easily lose weight. They tell me how they wish they can sweat like me. But I guess, we will never be contented in the ways we were made?
But alas, life's short. I can continue hating myself for being ugly. Blame myself for having bad knee, back aches that will never heal, illnesses that surfaces all the time, gastric problem that threatens to burn a hole in my stomach or the endless headache that I get. I can continue to grumble and let life wither away. But I hold the key to changing it.
I don't know what it will be. But for these few minutes, I guess I will just keep myself happy with things that I am given. I'll try to smile and appreciate all I have...
I said I will try... No promises though...
Sometimes I feel like crying...
Don't you have those moments too, when you sit down quietly at one corner and think of everything that's been happening, and suddenly you feel like crying?
I have those moments too. After all, we are only human.
Ever blamed your parents for bringing you into this cruel world? Not everyone did, but sometime in the past, I did. I hated my life, hated everything that was mine. Hated my EYES most.
But today, something overcome that hatred for these pair of small eyes.
Something that means more to me than my sight, hearing, sense of smell, touch and everything else I came perfectly equipped with. Someone special who appreciated me for who I am. And that someone who kept telling me why he loves me for me and not those flimsical whine I have always let out.
I still hate the way my eyes look. I went to Korea and the Koreans spoke to me in Korean. I hate my nose because I hate the way the pictures turn out when dumb photographers took pictures of me from the 'wrong' angle. I don't have a sharp and protruding nose.
But today, I am thankful. Thankful for that special someone who loves me for who I am, regardless of my physical ug-glee (remind yourself of GLEE and think of me, yes...) face, chubby face, fat pig's legs, cellulite problem and many more stuff.
He loves me for all those imperfection. And come to think about it, my magical parents love me for that too! I love you all!!
I am thankful from this day that whenever people talk of their problems, I guess I am just gonna thank Him above for being so fair and just. After all, we can't own the world.
I have those moments too. After all, we are only human.
Ever blamed your parents for bringing you into this cruel world? Not everyone did, but sometime in the past, I did. I hated my life, hated everything that was mine. Hated my EYES most.
But today, something overcome that hatred for these pair of small eyes.
Something that means more to me than my sight, hearing, sense of smell, touch and everything else I came perfectly equipped with. Someone special who appreciated me for who I am. And that someone who kept telling me why he loves me for me and not those flimsical whine I have always let out.
I still hate the way my eyes look. I went to Korea and the Koreans spoke to me in Korean. I hate my nose because I hate the way the pictures turn out when dumb photographers took pictures of me from the 'wrong' angle. I don't have a sharp and protruding nose.
But today, I am thankful. Thankful for that special someone who loves me for who I am, regardless of my physical ug-glee (remind yourself of GLEE and think of me, yes...) face, chubby face, fat pig's legs, cellulite problem and many more stuff.
He loves me for all those imperfection. And come to think about it, my magical parents love me for that too! I love you all!!
I am thankful from this day that whenever people talk of their problems, I guess I am just gonna thank Him above for being so fair and just. After all, we can't own the world.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
PEOPLE
I guess people are engineered to not be trusted.
Sometimes it just hurts, knowing that the person you once trusted suddenly decides to turn his/her back on you.
I feel like telling this one person, "Hey look. I already laid out the ground rules. You accepted it. And halfway in the race, you decided to turn tables on me instead because you cannot take it anymore. And now you're using trump cards against me when everything has already ended?"
It's just like, you are using your winning cards at the wrong time. You may have a Flush, or whatever winning cards you have in hand. But the game's over.
Manipulation of one's mind. It does not work forever. Somehow or rather, human beings are born to be stupid and smart at the same time.
But you know what? I guess I'm still going to be who I really am. I will still give you trust, I will still be a friend. I am sick of hating your guts. I am sick of sidelining you because I know that you're an arse. I know what things you can be capable of doing. I know of your ill intentions. Sometimes, I can read your expression like a book.
But I am trying my best to not let all these things deter me from being nice to you, like how I am nice to every other people I know. I want to be able to give that love, care and affection to fellow human kind like how others can show it to me. Fighting a losing battle? Not really....
Just need some strength and a lot of support, that's all...
Sometimes it just hurts, knowing that the person you once trusted suddenly decides to turn his/her back on you.
I feel like telling this one person, "Hey look. I already laid out the ground rules. You accepted it. And halfway in the race, you decided to turn tables on me instead because you cannot take it anymore. And now you're using trump cards against me when everything has already ended?"
It's just like, you are using your winning cards at the wrong time. You may have a Flush, or whatever winning cards you have in hand. But the game's over.
Manipulation of one's mind. It does not work forever. Somehow or rather, human beings are born to be stupid and smart at the same time.
But you know what? I guess I'm still going to be who I really am. I will still give you trust, I will still be a friend. I am sick of hating your guts. I am sick of sidelining you because I know that you're an arse. I know what things you can be capable of doing. I know of your ill intentions. Sometimes, I can read your expression like a book.
But I am trying my best to not let all these things deter me from being nice to you, like how I am nice to every other people I know. I want to be able to give that love, care and affection to fellow human kind like how others can show it to me. Fighting a losing battle? Not really....
Just need some strength and a lot of support, that's all...
Monday, May 3, 2010
My life, my happiness
After coming to terms with how life will always be a bitch to everyone, I guess I saw through life with my boyfriend and a good friend and pondered about how dangerous life and people could be towards one another.
Karma sounds like the kind of thing people always use against you to tell you of things you do. Normally under circumstances that do not favor them, even though most of the time these people dishing the word Karma out are the perpetrators themselves. I guess I've met a very big one myself and the scars remained and will always be there forever and ever amen.
Anyway, I am glad that most of this episode is over although I know that that black shadow haunting my conscience will always be a deterring factor. But it is entirely up to me if I want to let it deter me from reaching greater heights.
And I've only some short stuff to say to that person who is trying to plan out something to benefit only himself: we hope your plans do not succeed, especially if you have ill-intent. Please do not be a crawler...
Please do not be angry or upset that you cannot match another person and take your anger and frustration out on others.
And for those who have always been here for me, thanks.
And for those still plotting revenge and hoping to strike it hard, please spare the living and channel your anger and convert it into some other energy to be used. Take a hike, swim or dive into the ocean. After looking at such beautiful life we have, do you still think you want to be a revengeful soul?
Everyone makes mistakes. And maturity is what distinguishes us from being a child and being an adult.
Sounds corny, but as how one gives his love and trust freely to you, reciprocate and pay it forward. Pave a life of goodness and kindness based on how we all wish the world can be kind to us. Love one another, care for one another. Find that inner conscience, that human heart that distinguishes us from our fellow living creatures on Earth.
I am thankful that I have supportive friends who loves me for myself. And a wonderful boyfriend whom I can tell him anything and everything..
To Matt:
Thank you for everything. Thank you for being a therapeutic listening ear whenever I needed one. Thank you for always spending time to make me happy even though it deprieves you of good sleeping hours. Thank you for always doing more to show that you love me. Thank you for sacrificing and doing things for me when I couldn't, even up to the extent of taking care of all laundry woes and cleaning the house up. Thank you for always trying to give me the best and working harder in order to provide the best for me. Thank you also, for the most important thing in life: Your unending love, care and attention. You gave me room to grow and you never restricted me, but instead guided me with a gentle touch and silently telling me how to do better. You give me my freedom to achieve what I can and encourage me so that I may do better. You never hamper me, rail or scream at me but gave encouraging words. You took in all the sadness and never once gave it to me. You swallowed all the pain and agony of my temper and made me realize that anger is not the way for me to vent my frustration. You showed me things that I failed to see and you made me a better person.
Thank you for everything you've done all these while. I love you and I will continue to love you forever and ever.
Karma sounds like the kind of thing people always use against you to tell you of things you do. Normally under circumstances that do not favor them, even though most of the time these people dishing the word Karma out are the perpetrators themselves. I guess I've met a very big one myself and the scars remained and will always be there forever and ever amen.
Anyway, I am glad that most of this episode is over although I know that that black shadow haunting my conscience will always be a deterring factor. But it is entirely up to me if I want to let it deter me from reaching greater heights.
And I've only some short stuff to say to that person who is trying to plan out something to benefit only himself: we hope your plans do not succeed, especially if you have ill-intent. Please do not be a crawler...
Please do not be angry or upset that you cannot match another person and take your anger and frustration out on others.
And for those who have always been here for me, thanks.
And for those still plotting revenge and hoping to strike it hard, please spare the living and channel your anger and convert it into some other energy to be used. Take a hike, swim or dive into the ocean. After looking at such beautiful life we have, do you still think you want to be a revengeful soul?
Everyone makes mistakes. And maturity is what distinguishes us from being a child and being an adult.
Sounds corny, but as how one gives his love and trust freely to you, reciprocate and pay it forward. Pave a life of goodness and kindness based on how we all wish the world can be kind to us. Love one another, care for one another. Find that inner conscience, that human heart that distinguishes us from our fellow living creatures on Earth.
I am thankful that I have supportive friends who loves me for myself. And a wonderful boyfriend whom I can tell him anything and everything..
To Matt:
Thank you for everything. Thank you for being a therapeutic listening ear whenever I needed one. Thank you for always spending time to make me happy even though it deprieves you of good sleeping hours. Thank you for always doing more to show that you love me. Thank you for sacrificing and doing things for me when I couldn't, even up to the extent of taking care of all laundry woes and cleaning the house up. Thank you for always trying to give me the best and working harder in order to provide the best for me. Thank you also, for the most important thing in life: Your unending love, care and attention. You gave me room to grow and you never restricted me, but instead guided me with a gentle touch and silently telling me how to do better. You give me my freedom to achieve what I can and encourage me so that I may do better. You never hamper me, rail or scream at me but gave encouraging words. You took in all the sadness and never once gave it to me. You swallowed all the pain and agony of my temper and made me realize that anger is not the way for me to vent my frustration. You showed me things that I failed to see and you made me a better person.
Thank you for everything you've done all these while. I love you and I will continue to love you forever and ever.
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