Not really a 1001% pleasant thing. Although deep down inside, I know that the end result will nullify all the bad experiences.
Anyway, let's just say that we have to HACK OFF the tile that took up 1/3 of our new home! Oh yay! Did we mention that it might cost RM6000 just to retile that part back?
Besides that, purchasing a condominium with no strata title (yet) is such a hassle to the point where you want to change window/doors but you are not allowed because these fixtures are not allowed to be changed until we get the strata title.
You mean, we are all going to have the SAME DOOR, SAME WINDOW, SAME COLOR?
Oh thank goodness we can change our grilles :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Raising Children
Not a very easy task. Being a parent, a heavier responsibility.
But unfortunately, most people do not see it this way anymore. We all fail to see the difference in each individual.
One person may love to eat mango, another just hates oranges and another swears by watermelon. We have different tastes at different times. I won't take pineapple for breakfast, neither will I have durian right before I sleep. But some people I heard of took Coke and durian with chicken rice.
Anyway, back to the topic of having children. What frustrates me most is the fact that there are just too many people asking us when we are deciding on having a baby. Like, seriously? Chinese wedding & Church ceremony is not over yet, I do not expect a baby to pop up in between planning. Might even suffer a miscarriage if I tried. Some people just don't think, do they? After all, most of them were men jabbering the poor husband when he was going to be a father.
Of course, the issue of 'wife/husband unable to have kids' remain sensitive, despite the Earth going to a standstill. Ever heard of people saying, 'you know, his wife is barren... cannot have their own kids one leh'... Oh, like you didn't know, it is pretty normal for women/men to be infertile nowadays. Worse still, some couples are humiliated because they just did not want to have kids in 5 years time and people started talking behind their backs about how the wife is supposedly unable to reproduce. And yes, after that, this family suddenly had 7 kids. And I happened to be a proud friend to one of their child :)
Human beings are just evil.
Raising children these days, they just scare me. Piano classes, ballet, guitar class, gym, aerobics, art, music, typing, computer, english, BM, mandarin, german, french, japanese (forgive the non-capital letters, sick of caps-ing all)................ don't kids these day have rest at all?
5 times more DHA? Oh come on..... How did we all survive without those DHA thingey in the past? We were alright, could even score 100% in subjects and made our parents proud without drinking those DHA-filled milk.
Oh, btw, didn't you know that our body can also produce/take in needed nutrients?
Nah, may don't know. Children nowadays may seem lucky, but in fact they are too 'lucky' that they have never seen worms in real life, neither have they bathed in streams, gotten bee stings and recuperating from a swollen cheek, kickboxing with friends of other race/religions together without t-shirts, and many other things that kampung kids have but they don't.....
Raising children these days became a competition. Parents use their kids to compare with others just to feel more superior than another. "Oh, my Gavin scored 100% in Math, what about your Michelle?"
I love mum for always replying, 'my children are all very stupid one la. No need to compare'....
Anyway, I don't score 100% on an average basis, but I still delivered my A's. Not good enough? 80% of my friends, if they knew I hated to be compared with these people, they would have thrown eggs at these few idiots.
As a child during the 80s/90s, we already had so much to deal with. What more now? And education is not free in our friggin' country. What's worse than paying for little kid's university fees? Yeah, purchase another study plan for my kid and donate RM100/month to one of these insurance companies only for them to go bust. Or to only find that our kid doesn't want to study anymore due to too much pressure.
Kids have Nursery, K1 K2 in kindergarten classes? OMG! I only entered kindy at 6 and of course by 7 was in a school already! What happened to the 5-year old kid spending time with mommy to bake cookies and messing up the kitchen in the process?
That's it. I will quit my job and take care of Mervyn/Melanie/whoever these idiots will be (my kids) to avoid them being spoilt by maids. And I shall home-school them till probably 6 and send them to primary 1 after that.
But unfortunately, most people do not see it this way anymore. We all fail to see the difference in each individual.
One person may love to eat mango, another just hates oranges and another swears by watermelon. We have different tastes at different times. I won't take pineapple for breakfast, neither will I have durian right before I sleep. But some people I heard of took Coke and durian with chicken rice.
Anyway, back to the topic of having children. What frustrates me most is the fact that there are just too many people asking us when we are deciding on having a baby. Like, seriously? Chinese wedding & Church ceremony is not over yet, I do not expect a baby to pop up in between planning. Might even suffer a miscarriage if I tried. Some people just don't think, do they? After all, most of them were men jabbering the poor husband when he was going to be a father.
Of course, the issue of 'wife/husband unable to have kids' remain sensitive, despite the Earth going to a standstill. Ever heard of people saying, 'you know, his wife is barren... cannot have their own kids one leh'... Oh, like you didn't know, it is pretty normal for women/men to be infertile nowadays. Worse still, some couples are humiliated because they just did not want to have kids in 5 years time and people started talking behind their backs about how the wife is supposedly unable to reproduce. And yes, after that, this family suddenly had 7 kids. And I happened to be a proud friend to one of their child :)
Human beings are just evil.
Raising children these days, they just scare me. Piano classes, ballet, guitar class, gym, aerobics, art, music, typing, computer, english, BM, mandarin, german, french, japanese (forgive the non-capital letters, sick of caps-ing all)................ don't kids these day have rest at all?
5 times more DHA? Oh come on..... How did we all survive without those DHA thingey in the past? We were alright, could even score 100% in subjects and made our parents proud without drinking those DHA-filled milk.
Oh, btw, didn't you know that our body can also produce/take in needed nutrients?
Nah, may don't know. Children nowadays may seem lucky, but in fact they are too 'lucky' that they have never seen worms in real life, neither have they bathed in streams, gotten bee stings and recuperating from a swollen cheek, kickboxing with friends of other race/religions together without t-shirts, and many other things that kampung kids have but they don't.....
Raising children these days became a competition. Parents use their kids to compare with others just to feel more superior than another. "Oh, my Gavin scored 100% in Math, what about your Michelle?"
I love mum for always replying, 'my children are all very stupid one la. No need to compare'....
Anyway, I don't score 100% on an average basis, but I still delivered my A's. Not good enough? 80% of my friends, if they knew I hated to be compared with these people, they would have thrown eggs at these few idiots.
As a child during the 80s/90s, we already had so much to deal with. What more now? And education is not free in our friggin' country. What's worse than paying for little kid's university fees? Yeah, purchase another study plan for my kid and donate RM100/month to one of these insurance companies only for them to go bust. Or to only find that our kid doesn't want to study anymore due to too much pressure.
Kids have Nursery, K1 K2 in kindergarten classes? OMG! I only entered kindy at 6 and of course by 7 was in a school already! What happened to the 5-year old kid spending time with mommy to bake cookies and messing up the kitchen in the process?
That's it. I will quit my job and take care of Mervyn/Melanie/whoever these idiots will be (my kids) to avoid them being spoilt by maids. And I shall home-school them till probably 6 and send them to primary 1 after that.
my fear
Hey! Everyone's entitled to some fear in life, right?
Not the fear of heights, cockroaches or what not. Rather, the fear I have right now is the fear of uncertainty.
It is true that nobody is perfect, but with so much imperfections in our lives, we cannot help but to wonder what lies ahead.
The world's getting more screwed up, day by day. More kids cursing their parents and their parents being powerless over their kids. More middle-finger worshippers on the roads. More ball-less and brain-less people making decisions for the 'greater good' or so they think it should be.
All these things, they scare me. What if the economy crashes? What if USD dips to the point of no return? What if all nations suffer because of a bad economic downturn? What if the Earth moves out of its line and hits a meteor bigger than the moon?
There are just too many things to worry about.
You know what? Just grab a cuppa refreshing lemon drink and sip. Forget about it. The world will end, even how hard we fight to survive. Armageddon, 2010, whatchamacallit...
Doesn't really matter anyway. But what what really matters more is the current things that you have now. Your family, friends, people around you. Begging for forgiveness might sound a little too desperate. But rather, we probably could do something nice for another person? At least even if today is the last day on Earth for us all, we are still able to make one person smile.
Are you ready to live LIFE? Let go of everything and say that you are ready to die?
That day you openly profess that you are ready to die, that will be the real day you start living....
Not the fear of heights, cockroaches or what not. Rather, the fear I have right now is the fear of uncertainty.
It is true that nobody is perfect, but with so much imperfections in our lives, we cannot help but to wonder what lies ahead.
The world's getting more screwed up, day by day. More kids cursing their parents and their parents being powerless over their kids. More middle-finger worshippers on the roads. More ball-less and brain-less people making decisions for the 'greater good' or so they think it should be.
All these things, they scare me. What if the economy crashes? What if USD dips to the point of no return? What if all nations suffer because of a bad economic downturn? What if the Earth moves out of its line and hits a meteor bigger than the moon?
There are just too many things to worry about.
You know what? Just grab a cuppa refreshing lemon drink and sip. Forget about it. The world will end, even how hard we fight to survive. Armageddon, 2010, whatchamacallit...
Doesn't really matter anyway. But what what really matters more is the current things that you have now. Your family, friends, people around you. Begging for forgiveness might sound a little too desperate. But rather, we probably could do something nice for another person? At least even if today is the last day on Earth for us all, we are still able to make one person smile.
Are you ready to live LIFE? Let go of everything and say that you are ready to die?
That day you openly profess that you are ready to die, that will be the real day you start living....
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tyrant kids
2 days ago, hubby and I went to C to makan. As usual, Dui Dui Min just looked too good that we were attracted to the food there (again!)
What was supposedly a wonderful meal became a meal with solence+rolling eyes for us instead.
2 kids, we are of the opinion that they are twins; came about with their mother. Bear this in mind. The children should be at least 8 - 10 years old, judging from the minimum age according to height. Might be older but definitely not younger than 8.
Thought your 2 year old who does not understand language is difficult to handle? Try these 2 kids.
Kid A (in pink) came about and started climbing on the stool and jumping.
Kid B (in blue) was walking around the aisle where the waiters served food, i.e. blocking and posing as a hazard at that particular location.
Mother comes in, looks at Kid A and tells her in a soft manner, 'Mei... Get off the chair. Your shoes are dirty'. The kid continues to stand on the stool, trying to look at a softboard attached to the wall beside the stool. Powerless mother. Ptui. Hubby and I rolled our eyes.
After 30 seconds she was still on the chair, after her mother told her to get off. She raised her voice (probably less than 5%) and told her to get off. 'Mei, your shoes are dirty. Your stool is now dirty. Get off'... And Kid A got off reluctantly.
Kid B was holding a yogurt drink in her hand. Not the small bottle. The big one. Drank off the bottle while standing in the middle of the aisle, again posing as a hazard to all people passing by. Mother told her to sit down, she ignores. Mother keeps quiet.
Kid A and Kid B suddenly took an interest in the lady who was preparing noodles. Somewhat like wanton noodles, this pan mee needs hot water to ensure it is cooked. The lady was trying to remove the noodles from the hot water, the 2 children stood so close, they might be hurt by the spilling hot water when the noodles were removed. The lady told them to not stand too close. They ignored. Instead, put their hands above all the other ingredients at the stall, staring, chattering and basically dirtying all the ingredients there with their chattering and moving hands. No wonder why I had diarrhoea that night! (naah.. maybe because I had been cursing these kids, retribution time? whatever....)
Kid A got back to the seat. Kid B still stood in the aisle. She had a thing for the aisle, I reckon. And the lady preparing my food was trying to pass me my long-awaited-yummylicious-dinner when this Kid B nearly backed into her.
Both hubby and I were so evil. We wished that the lady would have spilled the hot soup on the annoying kid to teach her a lesson. But nah, the guy upstairs had to be merciful at that point in time. No accident happened.
Fine and be it. We makan..... Kid A was chatting with the mother and for some reason, her mother kinda 'hit' her. Not really hit as it bashing or hitting because she was naughty. I was too engrossed in my yummy food, didn't notice what happened. But she told her mother off, 'you cannot do this to me. I'll hit you back' (literally translated from Mandarin)
Hubby and I rolled our eyes. If it were our fathers, one slap across the face already. No mercy shown.
After we ate, we paid and left. Went to C to purchase something. Came out, saw Kid A running around alone. Kid B and mum were still eating. Kid A roamed around, pushed a trolley, abandoned it at the side, did whatever else, posed as a hazard in the aisle with people and waiter passing by again, and more stuff that I wouldn't dare to do when I was a kid.
Now, do you know why I DON'T intend to have children yet?
I am not about to become somewhat like this useless, powerless mother whose words are just as useless as her authority as a mother. So what if they were twins? Just because they were special, you could spoil them more? Let them have it their way?
Never in my life I've seen 8 year olds behaving like that. Girls!!!
Gosh... I really hope I won't become like this mother who obviously gave in too much to their kid. My child will at least learn how to respect people for the first 15 years before they become full-fledged and hot-blooded teenagers. At least..... Not having 8 year olds yelling at their mother. Reminds me of one of my annoying cousin too, who hits his father and scolds his mother. If he was my kid, I'd have used a hot brand to brand his mouth and arse. Seriously, he is rude and it is because his parents allowed him to.
It is a huge responsibility to be a parent. So stop trying to push us to have a kid. It is not as simple as giving birth and hoping that the child turns out good. If not given the right condition and care, however good a child may be, he/she might not have the best environment to grow in.
What was supposedly a wonderful meal became a meal with solence+rolling eyes for us instead.
2 kids, we are of the opinion that they are twins; came about with their mother. Bear this in mind. The children should be at least 8 - 10 years old, judging from the minimum age according to height. Might be older but definitely not younger than 8.
Thought your 2 year old who does not understand language is difficult to handle? Try these 2 kids.
Kid A (in pink) came about and started climbing on the stool and jumping.
Kid B (in blue) was walking around the aisle where the waiters served food, i.e. blocking and posing as a hazard at that particular location.
Mother comes in, looks at Kid A and tells her in a soft manner, 'Mei... Get off the chair. Your shoes are dirty'. The kid continues to stand on the stool, trying to look at a softboard attached to the wall beside the stool. Powerless mother. Ptui. Hubby and I rolled our eyes.
After 30 seconds she was still on the chair, after her mother told her to get off. She raised her voice (probably less than 5%) and told her to get off. 'Mei, your shoes are dirty. Your stool is now dirty. Get off'... And Kid A got off reluctantly.
Kid B was holding a yogurt drink in her hand. Not the small bottle. The big one. Drank off the bottle while standing in the middle of the aisle, again posing as a hazard to all people passing by. Mother told her to sit down, she ignores. Mother keeps quiet.
Kid A and Kid B suddenly took an interest in the lady who was preparing noodles. Somewhat like wanton noodles, this pan mee needs hot water to ensure it is cooked. The lady was trying to remove the noodles from the hot water, the 2 children stood so close, they might be hurt by the spilling hot water when the noodles were removed. The lady told them to not stand too close. They ignored. Instead, put their hands above all the other ingredients at the stall, staring, chattering and basically dirtying all the ingredients there with their chattering and moving hands. No wonder why I had diarrhoea that night! (naah.. maybe because I had been cursing these kids, retribution time? whatever....)
Kid A got back to the seat. Kid B still stood in the aisle. She had a thing for the aisle, I reckon. And the lady preparing my food was trying to pass me my long-awaited-yummylicious-dinner when this Kid B nearly backed into her.
Both hubby and I were so evil. We wished that the lady would have spilled the hot soup on the annoying kid to teach her a lesson. But nah, the guy upstairs had to be merciful at that point in time. No accident happened.
Fine and be it. We makan..... Kid A was chatting with the mother and for some reason, her mother kinda 'hit' her. Not really hit as it bashing or hitting because she was naughty. I was too engrossed in my yummy food, didn't notice what happened. But she told her mother off, 'you cannot do this to me. I'll hit you back' (literally translated from Mandarin)
Hubby and I rolled our eyes. If it were our fathers, one slap across the face already. No mercy shown.
After we ate, we paid and left. Went to C to purchase something. Came out, saw Kid A running around alone. Kid B and mum were still eating. Kid A roamed around, pushed a trolley, abandoned it at the side, did whatever else, posed as a hazard in the aisle with people and waiter passing by again, and more stuff that I wouldn't dare to do when I was a kid.
Now, do you know why I DON'T intend to have children yet?
I am not about to become somewhat like this useless, powerless mother whose words are just as useless as her authority as a mother. So what if they were twins? Just because they were special, you could spoil them more? Let them have it their way?
Never in my life I've seen 8 year olds behaving like that. Girls!!!
Gosh... I really hope I won't become like this mother who obviously gave in too much to their kid. My child will at least learn how to respect people for the first 15 years before they become full-fledged and hot-blooded teenagers. At least..... Not having 8 year olds yelling at their mother. Reminds me of one of my annoying cousin too, who hits his father and scolds his mother. If he was my kid, I'd have used a hot brand to brand his mouth and arse. Seriously, he is rude and it is because his parents allowed him to.
It is a huge responsibility to be a parent. So stop trying to push us to have a kid. It is not as simple as giving birth and hoping that the child turns out good. If not given the right condition and care, however good a child may be, he/she might not have the best environment to grow in.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
If only people can stop comparing and start living
I had a friend who loved comparing.
I had, because she is no longer in my friend's list. All the better if she is snooping around here, looking for a better thing to compare with me. I recommend you to read it!
It started off with the LAPTOP. Mum bought me a Dell laptop Inspiron, like, 4 years back. Old story. At that point, ATI 256MB was a wow thing. And my laptop was the first to have the plastic covering, which is conveniently replaced by the sticker that you can print and put on the laptop. It was basically, first generation or the first of its kind. Laptops used to be BLACk or WHITE or SILVER only. Mine was the first with blue color
She bought her XPS. Upset that XPS didn't have the colored cover, she went to the acrylic shop guys to customize a cover for her laptop. Just because she couldn't have any. Not to mention when the sticker thing hit the shores, she was the first to grab. Like as though I want to stick anything on my poor laptop only to peel it off and endure sticky laptop cover till dust totally covered its stickiness... No thanks...
Next came handphone. Just because another friend had N80, she had to show off too.
Note: Her parents paid for her university fees without any loans. She applied for PTPTN and used it to purchase whatever she wanted. Those people who needed PTPTN who did not get, these are the people you should hate.
After awhile, she still kept her grudge. She finally bought a smartphone. A Blackberry, to be precise. I was too sick and tired to bother about her anymore at that point in time. Like, oh come on woman. It's not like your beautiful handphone is going to show that you are better off than us peasants.
Don't you wonder why such people actually existed?
Are they here to just compare with you, make you feel useless, hoping that you will keep up to the trend of having everything new and show no remorse in splashing money on unnecessary evil?
She laughed at our friends who drove kancils or locally made cars. Had her eyes glued on guys with at least a Vios and above. Its okay, it is her choice. But then, she asked her father for a car. Parents are paying for her education fees like coughing out blood already and she demanded for a car. Her dad bought her a 2n hand kancil. Of course, we secretly laughed at her. But she knew it.
When I was down and out in early 2008, I shared with a few friends about the prospect of having a better life in New Zealand. I so wanted to leave the shithole in UCSI at that point, and of course she heard. She went off first. Needless to say, I did not go. Suddenly had a change of heart. Just couldn't leave my parents, can I?
She had to just call and tell me, 'hey... when are you coming to New Zealand?'. Phew, I changed my phone number already...
So i guess, if she finds out I am married, she would want to get married too?
If she realizes that we are relocating to a new home, she'd want that too?
Now, con another man into marrying her? And get a rich guy so she could have a big bungalow as a wedding gift from her in-laws?
No thank you, Jessica. If you are reading this, I am pleased to let you know that I am not interested in what ca you are driving. I am not interested in the La Senza and xixili that you purchase. I am least interested in the type of handphone you use, neither would I care if you have a rich boyfriend who looks like Hugh Jackman.
If other people aren't sick of you comparing, I am. Please live your own life. Or probably you just cannot stop comparing. Maybe you just like to feel superior because you have the best that money can buy. But you never lived. Never. Never lived for your own self. Just wanted to outdo everyone and belittle others. You have done so well to many others, but as much as others want to keep up with you, I want to tell you that I am sick of bothering about your life, your whimsical fancies, your I-am-better-than-you-biatch attitude and all.....
I am happy that you do not have my phone number and I am not willing to invite you to my wedding. Why invite a person who wants to steal the spotlight? Oh yeah, spotlight will make your make up melt, darling. If you want, I'll personally get HELLA lighting for your car on your wedding so you can have all the spotlight in the world.
We don't need another person coming up to us and say, 'Wah... so pretty ah... You must come to my wedding next month at this place. The ballroom upstairs is bigger, food is more grand. We have abalone and shark's fin as well, you know? Very expensive. I didn't invite other cheapskate friends. Just you only leh.'....... Don't think I don't know your way of selling yourself.
If I get a bag from Braun Buffel, she would get a bag from LV because it much more expensive. Why would such people even exist? As if capitalism isn't bad enough. We have mini capitalists around, just hoping to show off to feel better about themselves. Please wake up. It doesn't mean that we are driving a Proton now, we are doomed to only own locally assembled cars. By the way, leads me to the next thing. Did you know that Proton car doors have a more solid sound when it is closed as compared to your tin can car? Thanks for looking down on ours by the way..... Try smashing into a Vios. It is not as hardy as you think it is.... And take a Waja and roll it down a ravine. My husband's car club member survived with just scratches and cuts, even when his car had no air bags......
I had, because she is no longer in my friend's list. All the better if she is snooping around here, looking for a better thing to compare with me. I recommend you to read it!
It started off with the LAPTOP. Mum bought me a Dell laptop Inspiron, like, 4 years back. Old story. At that point, ATI 256MB was a wow thing. And my laptop was the first to have the plastic covering, which is conveniently replaced by the sticker that you can print and put on the laptop. It was basically, first generation or the first of its kind. Laptops used to be BLACk or WHITE or SILVER only. Mine was the first with blue color
She bought her XPS. Upset that XPS didn't have the colored cover, she went to the acrylic shop guys to customize a cover for her laptop. Just because she couldn't have any. Not to mention when the sticker thing hit the shores, she was the first to grab. Like as though I want to stick anything on my poor laptop only to peel it off and endure sticky laptop cover till dust totally covered its stickiness... No thanks...
Next came handphone. Just because another friend had N80, she had to show off too.
Note: Her parents paid for her university fees without any loans. She applied for PTPTN and used it to purchase whatever she wanted. Those people who needed PTPTN who did not get, these are the people you should hate.
After awhile, she still kept her grudge. She finally bought a smartphone. A Blackberry, to be precise. I was too sick and tired to bother about her anymore at that point in time. Like, oh come on woman. It's not like your beautiful handphone is going to show that you are better off than us peasants.
Don't you wonder why such people actually existed?
Are they here to just compare with you, make you feel useless, hoping that you will keep up to the trend of having everything new and show no remorse in splashing money on unnecessary evil?
She laughed at our friends who drove kancils or locally made cars. Had her eyes glued on guys with at least a Vios and above. Its okay, it is her choice. But then, she asked her father for a car. Parents are paying for her education fees like coughing out blood already and she demanded for a car. Her dad bought her a 2n hand kancil. Of course, we secretly laughed at her. But she knew it.
When I was down and out in early 2008, I shared with a few friends about the prospect of having a better life in New Zealand. I so wanted to leave the shithole in UCSI at that point, and of course she heard. She went off first. Needless to say, I did not go. Suddenly had a change of heart. Just couldn't leave my parents, can I?
She had to just call and tell me, 'hey... when are you coming to New Zealand?'. Phew, I changed my phone number already...
So i guess, if she finds out I am married, she would want to get married too?
If she realizes that we are relocating to a new home, she'd want that too?
Now, con another man into marrying her? And get a rich guy so she could have a big bungalow as a wedding gift from her in-laws?
No thank you, Jessica. If you are reading this, I am pleased to let you know that I am not interested in what ca you are driving. I am not interested in the La Senza and xixili that you purchase. I am least interested in the type of handphone you use, neither would I care if you have a rich boyfriend who looks like Hugh Jackman.
If other people aren't sick of you comparing, I am. Please live your own life. Or probably you just cannot stop comparing. Maybe you just like to feel superior because you have the best that money can buy. But you never lived. Never. Never lived for your own self. Just wanted to outdo everyone and belittle others. You have done so well to many others, but as much as others want to keep up with you, I want to tell you that I am sick of bothering about your life, your whimsical fancies, your I-am-better-than-you-biatch attitude and all.....
I am happy that you do not have my phone number and I am not willing to invite you to my wedding. Why invite a person who wants to steal the spotlight? Oh yeah, spotlight will make your make up melt, darling. If you want, I'll personally get HELLA lighting for your car on your wedding so you can have all the spotlight in the world.
We don't need another person coming up to us and say, 'Wah... so pretty ah... You must come to my wedding next month at this place. The ballroom upstairs is bigger, food is more grand. We have abalone and shark's fin as well, you know? Very expensive. I didn't invite other cheapskate friends. Just you only leh.'....... Don't think I don't know your way of selling yourself.
If I get a bag from Braun Buffel, she would get a bag from LV because it much more expensive. Why would such people even exist? As if capitalism isn't bad enough. We have mini capitalists around, just hoping to show off to feel better about themselves. Please wake up. It doesn't mean that we are driving a Proton now, we are doomed to only own locally assembled cars. By the way, leads me to the next thing. Did you know that Proton car doors have a more solid sound when it is closed as compared to your tin can car? Thanks for looking down on ours by the way..... Try smashing into a Vios. It is not as hardy as you think it is.... And take a Waja and roll it down a ravine. My husband's car club member survived with just scratches and cuts, even when his car had no air bags......
There is no such thing as money is enough
Hate this post?
Me too..... But money will never be enough. If it was, Donald Trump will stop doing all he is out to do. Richard Branson will not waste more brain cells. Our big corporate companies will just decide to take it slow for Q4 sales.
Dreaming and hoping for all these to happen?
Fat hope. Human beings are greedy. They are hungry for more. Give a child a sweet when you have 3 different flavours. Chances are, if the child is brave enough to ask you, he/she will ask for all 3 flavours to try.
Want more money?
Everyone wants more. And thanks to that, we are all suffering from inflation. More money, our money is becoming 'bigger' but the value of RM10 totally decreased itself to only mean a meal for two at Old Klang Road, or one person's meal with a simple drink at Mc Donalds (not during lunch hour... hahaa)
Gone were the days where 30sen was all we needed for a plate of mi goreng? Remember those days? A loaf of bread was less than RM1.50. Now, close to RM3. Twice the amount.
Our fathers were paid probably RM1300 when they first started their jobs. We are paid RM2000 at our present times. But prices of our necessity is so much more than the amount we are getting as our monthly income.
Screw the 'I want to travel every year' idea. You are just there to work till the day you die. All the money you have saved over the years for your child, they will spend and splurge as they want. All their tuition fees, ballet class, piano class, art class, more tuition classes, stupid milk with too much DHA to make your child 'smart' and give you high blood pressure..
Sometimes, because of money, some people just stop living. Stop living because they are convinced that for their entire lives, they will never be rich enough to own bungalows and big cars. They just stop dreaming bigger because they feel more hurt inside.
I feel hurt not because my hubby is driving a nice red car. But I feel hurt because he wants to buy a bigger car but he has to pay for the house and he doesn't want me to pay for anything at all. What's the use of me even working and saving up? It's not like I will be doomed to get x amount for 20 years, right? If it was the case, why don't I just quit working?
I hate the prospect of money ruining people's lives.
And I hate it more when people become competitive in a way that they want to compare what they have and what you have.
Get a life.
I love my small red car. I love my 606 sq feet home. At least I know my husband is paying a 5-yr loan for the car and we are not renting an apartment. No point driving a big car when we take 9-yr loan. After all, with terrible road conditions and irresponsible car manufacturers claiming that they produce 'good' tin can cars and selling it at exorbitant prices. nah, 100km is still 100km. Mileage doesn't change just because I drive a BMW. 100km is still the same. I pay more petrol for the same distance. Highway speed limit is still 110kmh in malaysia....
Screw the world...
Me too..... But money will never be enough. If it was, Donald Trump will stop doing all he is out to do. Richard Branson will not waste more brain cells. Our big corporate companies will just decide to take it slow for Q4 sales.
Dreaming and hoping for all these to happen?
Fat hope. Human beings are greedy. They are hungry for more. Give a child a sweet when you have 3 different flavours. Chances are, if the child is brave enough to ask you, he/she will ask for all 3 flavours to try.
Want more money?
Everyone wants more. And thanks to that, we are all suffering from inflation. More money, our money is becoming 'bigger' but the value of RM10 totally decreased itself to only mean a meal for two at Old Klang Road, or one person's meal with a simple drink at Mc Donalds (not during lunch hour... hahaa)
Gone were the days where 30sen was all we needed for a plate of mi goreng? Remember those days? A loaf of bread was less than RM1.50. Now, close to RM3. Twice the amount.
Our fathers were paid probably RM1300 when they first started their jobs. We are paid RM2000 at our present times. But prices of our necessity is so much more than the amount we are getting as our monthly income.
Screw the 'I want to travel every year' idea. You are just there to work till the day you die. All the money you have saved over the years for your child, they will spend and splurge as they want. All their tuition fees, ballet class, piano class, art class, more tuition classes, stupid milk with too much DHA to make your child 'smart' and give you high blood pressure..
Sometimes, because of money, some people just stop living. Stop living because they are convinced that for their entire lives, they will never be rich enough to own bungalows and big cars. They just stop dreaming bigger because they feel more hurt inside.
I feel hurt not because my hubby is driving a nice red car. But I feel hurt because he wants to buy a bigger car but he has to pay for the house and he doesn't want me to pay for anything at all. What's the use of me even working and saving up? It's not like I will be doomed to get x amount for 20 years, right? If it was the case, why don't I just quit working?
I hate the prospect of money ruining people's lives.
And I hate it more when people become competitive in a way that they want to compare what they have and what you have.
Get a life.
I love my small red car. I love my 606 sq feet home. At least I know my husband is paying a 5-yr loan for the car and we are not renting an apartment. No point driving a big car when we take 9-yr loan. After all, with terrible road conditions and irresponsible car manufacturers claiming that they produce 'good' tin can cars and selling it at exorbitant prices. nah, 100km is still 100km. Mileage doesn't change just because I drive a BMW. 100km is still the same. I pay more petrol for the same distance. Highway speed limit is still 110kmh in malaysia....
Screw the world...
Grass is always greener on the other side.....
When you are on one side of the lawn, you will always feel the other side of the lawn is better. Grass there is greener, looks more tame, feels more tame and fresher as compared to the side you're in.
You decided to hop from your lawn into the other lawn. Yay! I have finally managed to cross my ugly patch of yellowish lawn into this awesomely green lawn.
After exploring for awhile, you want OUT...... GOSH! My 'greener pasture' has SNAKES, WASPS, LEECHES etc etc etc........
You jump back into your lawn with one annoying leech falling off after filling its belly with your diabetically-sweet blood.
You look at the wound while sitting on your yellowish grass, laughing about how silly you have been, lusting over the greenery on the other side of the lawn. You grow to appreciate the yellowish grass you have in your lawn.....
I wish I could feel that now. Or, as always. People are always not contented with what they have. If we were, we'd still be cavemen by now. Well, at least we'd still have natural shelter. But no, I prefer my fan and aircon, and my little lembu kids. Moo.....
When we were dating, I always wished we were married. And when we got married, it was like the best thing that ever happened in our lives. And of course, with a happy occasion like us registering ourselves as lawfully wedded couple, we had our fair share of 'friends' who of course, were green with envy. Envying isn't that bad, but trying to compare yourself with others all the time, feeling shitty about your life and writing things to bring another person down just because they are younger than you and they got married first is just not the way it should be.
Probably these people should see marriage as a blissful thing, at the same time, a huge compromise.
Not only for Matt who had to adjust from living in a 606sq feet apartment comfortably to living in hostility with his wife's mountain of goodies at home. Oh man, my husband suffers because he loves me. I just have too much craft items at home. But of course, taking concerted effort to donate/give it all away. You know how hard it is to do such things, right?
He had his fair share, I have mine too. Mine is not really about adjusting to the space constraint. He bought us a bigger space! yay! Nearer to the office. My office, that is. Thank God for an awesome husband.....
But of course, being 23 years old, I want to be able to travel around the world. I have friends traveling around, taking pictures of the Rocky Mountain, probably going to the Alps soon. Sending postcards to her family members whenever she sets foot in a new place.
I want to be able to take on a high-flying corporate job that requires be to slog from 8am till midnight and pay me bazookas to blow Malaysia up into pieces. Just kidding. But yes, fat paychecks. A lecturer introduced me to a very good job in the heart of KL. But of course, being together means having to compromise.
I hate it when people used to ask my hubby (2 years back) what I was doing. Like, hello? I was 21 and I have to of course, study hard for my paper qualification, right? Not to mention, I don't quite study hard because there's just that much literature we have. Others involved brain cells and more video shooting. My life was just as sucky as other teenage kid's life. Poor hubby had to answer, 'oh, she's in the final year now. Graduating next year' or somewhat like that. And those judgmental aunty/uncle will go, 'oh... i see....' and turn away, probably feeling embarrassed that they asked the question or because they feel that my hubby was a 'cradle-snatcher'. Gosh, sometimes I wish I could just cut off the tongues of these people and toast it, serve it to them between 2 slices of oatmeal bread :) healthy! Eat ya own tongue, mofo....
But then again, being married and all, they expect you to be more 'mature'. Since when maturity came with marriage? If it was so, I would have sold my little cousins to be married so they won't pour pee into the water container and serve it to guests. They will grow out of their childish acts and act as a man/woman. Wow... The power of marriage! ptui... Like it's really going to happen.
But this is what I really want to say,
Grass may look greener on the other side, because that is the 20% you want to have in life.
Grass may be yellow and pale on your side, but it has 80% of the things you need in life.
Don't go on envying your neighbour's 20% green grass on the other side of the world. He has to deal with snakes, leeches and gnashing + teeth grinding creatures in his beautiful lawn. He may look proud of his green lawn, but we don't know what secrets they are hiding. Attempting to jump into their side of the green lawn may result in .................................. (fill the blanks with your own answers).
Don't dump the 80% of what you have for the 20%.
I have my 80% already, even though it is in bits and pieces, but at least it is still worth my time....
You decided to hop from your lawn into the other lawn. Yay! I have finally managed to cross my ugly patch of yellowish lawn into this awesomely green lawn.
After exploring for awhile, you want OUT...... GOSH! My 'greener pasture' has SNAKES, WASPS, LEECHES etc etc etc........
You jump back into your lawn with one annoying leech falling off after filling its belly with your diabetically-sweet blood.
You look at the wound while sitting on your yellowish grass, laughing about how silly you have been, lusting over the greenery on the other side of the lawn. You grow to appreciate the yellowish grass you have in your lawn.....
I wish I could feel that now. Or, as always. People are always not contented with what they have. If we were, we'd still be cavemen by now. Well, at least we'd still have natural shelter. But no, I prefer my fan and aircon, and my little lembu kids. Moo.....
When we were dating, I always wished we were married. And when we got married, it was like the best thing that ever happened in our lives. And of course, with a happy occasion like us registering ourselves as lawfully wedded couple, we had our fair share of 'friends' who of course, were green with envy. Envying isn't that bad, but trying to compare yourself with others all the time, feeling shitty about your life and writing things to bring another person down just because they are younger than you and they got married first is just not the way it should be.
Probably these people should see marriage as a blissful thing, at the same time, a huge compromise.
Not only for Matt who had to adjust from living in a 606sq feet apartment comfortably to living in hostility with his wife's mountain of goodies at home. Oh man, my husband suffers because he loves me. I just have too much craft items at home. But of course, taking concerted effort to donate/give it all away. You know how hard it is to do such things, right?
He had his fair share, I have mine too. Mine is not really about adjusting to the space constraint. He bought us a bigger space! yay! Nearer to the office. My office, that is. Thank God for an awesome husband.....
But of course, being 23 years old, I want to be able to travel around the world. I have friends traveling around, taking pictures of the Rocky Mountain, probably going to the Alps soon. Sending postcards to her family members whenever she sets foot in a new place.
I want to be able to take on a high-flying corporate job that requires be to slog from 8am till midnight and pay me bazookas to blow Malaysia up into pieces. Just kidding. But yes, fat paychecks. A lecturer introduced me to a very good job in the heart of KL. But of course, being together means having to compromise.
I hate it when people used to ask my hubby (2 years back) what I was doing. Like, hello? I was 21 and I have to of course, study hard for my paper qualification, right? Not to mention, I don't quite study hard because there's just that much literature we have. Others involved brain cells and more video shooting. My life was just as sucky as other teenage kid's life. Poor hubby had to answer, 'oh, she's in the final year now. Graduating next year' or somewhat like that. And those judgmental aunty/uncle will go, 'oh... i see....' and turn away, probably feeling embarrassed that they asked the question or because they feel that my hubby was a 'cradle-snatcher'. Gosh, sometimes I wish I could just cut off the tongues of these people and toast it, serve it to them between 2 slices of oatmeal bread :) healthy! Eat ya own tongue, mofo....
But then again, being married and all, they expect you to be more 'mature'. Since when maturity came with marriage? If it was so, I would have sold my little cousins to be married so they won't pour pee into the water container and serve it to guests. They will grow out of their childish acts and act as a man/woman. Wow... The power of marriage! ptui... Like it's really going to happen.
But this is what I really want to say,
Grass may look greener on the other side, because that is the 20% you want to have in life.
Grass may be yellow and pale on your side, but it has 80% of the things you need in life.
Don't go on envying your neighbour's 20% green grass on the other side of the world. He has to deal with snakes, leeches and gnashing + teeth grinding creatures in his beautiful lawn. He may look proud of his green lawn, but we don't know what secrets they are hiding. Attempting to jump into their side of the green lawn may result in .................................. (fill the blanks with your own answers).
Don't dump the 80% of what you have for the 20%.
I have my 80% already, even though it is in bits and pieces, but at least it is still worth my time....
Thursday, November 11, 2010
WORLD's vs. Worst
OMG...
Can I actually quote this?
I know I shouldn't but then..... Okay, will not write it all out. But this is a small fragment of the story....
CHINESE people in general who are chinese educated (not all) have a tendency to not be able to pronounce English words properly.
[is it me, or it is my mistake that i am generalizing... my bad, but this is so my opinion]
I was so shocked that they can even mix up the simplest words ever......
We had a product that required them to say "World's........." [basically to say that the product is the best in the world].... And I had a few people who came up and said "Worst ..........."!!!
Can you imagine having a staff in your company [imagine you own one] saying your world's best product is the 'worst product' ever to be launched in the market?
Gosh.... Polish up on your English, darlings! I promise I will polish up on my Mandarin too! I already can read more than 600 chinese characters already...... hahaha....
Can I actually quote this?
I know I shouldn't but then..... Okay, will not write it all out. But this is a small fragment of the story....
CHINESE people in general who are chinese educated (not all) have a tendency to not be able to pronounce English words properly.
[is it me, or it is my mistake that i am generalizing... my bad, but this is so my opinion]
I was so shocked that they can even mix up the simplest words ever......
We had a product that required them to say "World's........." [basically to say that the product is the best in the world].... And I had a few people who came up and said "Worst ..........."!!!
Can you imagine having a staff in your company [imagine you own one] saying your world's best product is the 'worst product' ever to be launched in the market?
Gosh.... Polish up on your English, darlings! I promise I will polish up on my Mandarin too! I already can read more than 600 chinese characters already...... hahaha....
Patience
Patience is a virtue.
And we human beings will never be perfect.
I realized today that my patience will wear off at silly things and at the wrong moments in my life. Being on track to doing my job better and better each day, I feel that I am getting more frustrated instead. Rather than learning the ropes quickly, I became more demanding. I had higher expectations of myself (which is good) but at the same time, involuntarily had higher expectations for the others as well.
Ever since young, I have never been a very patient person, with people of course. Foul tempered, blabber mouth, whatever it is, I used to be that.
I lose my temper as easily as the number of times you say 'and' in your sentences.
But being 23, I have mellowed down a lot. After getting married, maybe. Occasionally get stressed up by my uber-smart-yet-silly husband who does amazing things but yet can mix colored clothings with white clothings in one bucket to be soaked. I can feel my blood pressure rising at the thought of that.
But heck, life as a married couple is filled with ups and downs.
But PATIENCE. This one thing, I find it really hard to be patient.
I didn't know I had that look on my face (read: omfg.... i tell you so many times, you still don't know?!)
I didn't pro-actively say it out. But I guess, the girl was that good in reading expressions. She wasn't mentally fast / agile as me. But another thing she had (God's fair, oh man....) was the gift of telling what you really think/feel.
I felt really bad after that. Even though I did not raise my voice but I was indeed choking with impatience already, I had to remain calm and explain 20 times more.
After telling her for so many times about something and she didn't remember (its like, not remembering that you are a girl and you're 23 years old this year) I guess my patience really wore off although I tried to hide it. Then she suddenly looked at me and apologized. Said things that really pricked my heart....
Pricked not because I treated her badly. But pricked because I knew that she knew I was losing patience. And she apologized.
She even told me that I was a good trainer but she just cannot remember everything. And from the look in her eyes, I can see frustration with herself too. And never in my life I felt so wrecked with guilt.
I accept the fact that people are born differently. If you are average, there are 50% people better than you and the other 50% is below. You win some, you lose some. Life's unfairly fair, so let's suck it up and deal with it.
But naaaah... I find myself going back to square one again. Fighting with myself. I catch things very very very fast. All I need is just someone to tell me something, I can remember it. (minus groceries or your name, I suck at remembering those). I never liked coaching people who just don't get it. Even in school, i get annoyed by students in class who would always ask stupid questions that a 5 year old might be able to answer, let alone be bogged down by just one person who needed so much attention just to learn something. I never understood why people never knew how to read maps. I get annoyed if people lose their way to my home. I get pissed if I have to teach my student 1001 times on how to make a beautiful round ball and only to find them making wrinkled up ovals or shit-like shapes when I get back. How funny life is, to make me learn patience through very drastic ways.
Then I realized something.
We all have our own flaws.
I am messy. I hate getting myself organized, as I hate re-tidying my things up after people especially myself.
And the girl, she's neat and very meticulous.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Rich or poor?
Just think about it as a way to describe something.
For example... Full or Empty.
The word 'full' is always understood as 'reaching the brim' or 'towards the maximum mark' or even the feeling of having a lot of food in your tummy.
Empty always describes that something that has nothing that it was supposed to contain. A coin box, an empty heart without love and affection, or even the empty room with nothing besides the 4 walls.
The word RICH and POOR too, have the luxury of being interpreted in this manner.
But no... The world chooses to think that 'RICH' means people with a lot of money to spend. "POOR" would almost automatically qualify those with meager paychecks and those from rural areas as such...
But what we do not see is the fact that RICH can be used to describe the fullness (abundance) of that particular something in a given space. For example, the rich creamy taste of Coffeemate. And richness of someone can also cover aspects like their kindness, gentleness, goodness (etc....)
whereas.... POOR may also be used for people who are lacking of time (e.g. time poor people living in metropolitan cities like Kuala Lumpur where their lives are surrounded by the endless traffic jams even during the weekends) or basically to express how little a person have (e.g. poor in spirit, poor in hope, poor in studies, poor in being able to comprehend what I am saying right now )
But the general people will still refer Rich/Poor to the monetary aspect, nothing else ... Not because they voluntary wanted to... Rather, we've been ingrained to think that way.
Fight that thought..... :)
For example... Full or Empty.
The word 'full' is always understood as 'reaching the brim' or 'towards the maximum mark' or even the feeling of having a lot of food in your tummy.
Empty always describes that something that has nothing that it was supposed to contain. A coin box, an empty heart without love and affection, or even the empty room with nothing besides the 4 walls.
The word RICH and POOR too, have the luxury of being interpreted in this manner.
But no... The world chooses to think that 'RICH' means people with a lot of money to spend. "POOR" would almost automatically qualify those with meager paychecks and those from rural areas as such...
But what we do not see is the fact that RICH can be used to describe the fullness (abundance) of that particular something in a given space. For example, the rich creamy taste of Coffeemate. And richness of someone can also cover aspects like their kindness, gentleness, goodness (etc....)
whereas.... POOR may also be used for people who are lacking of time (e.g. time poor people living in metropolitan cities like Kuala Lumpur where their lives are surrounded by the endless traffic jams even during the weekends) or basically to express how little a person have (e.g. poor in spirit, poor in hope, poor in studies, poor in being able to comprehend what I am saying right now )
But the general people will still refer Rich/Poor to the monetary aspect, nothing else ... Not because they voluntary wanted to... Rather, we've been ingrained to think that way.
Fight that thought..... :)
One thing you can ask for
If there is ONE thing you can ask for... What will you want?
I used to wish for double eye lids because I truly understand the bane of being single eye-lidded, fat/chubby and ugly.
I wished to be slim and pretty like a model...
I badly wanted to have beautiful and glamorous curly hair that you see in the movies....
I wanted sooo badly to be a singer even though I croak sometimes
I wanted to be really talented in music but quickly threw the idea out when I saw how people trained in order to be the best :( (yucks.. i hate practicing)
There are just tooooo much I want in life that deviated me from what I truly want in my life.....
It would sound darn mushy (not to mention, yucks!) if I were to openly declare "SCH! It's you I ever wanted in my life" although definitely it would have been that.... but...
I want to be able to look at everything I have and at every night, before I go to bed, I say a silent prayer to thank the omnipresent being for not deciding to pull the plug on me and allowing me to have what I have now.
I may not be able to walk into the LV store and get myself that ugly looking LV-macam-pasar-malam bag. I may not be able to afford that document bag from Braun Buffel (RM999) and I am stinging on my money when it comes to replacing my old & always-hang-gila-mau-mampoi phone......
But with all those I forfeited, I guess I need to look back and think of all the things I have in my life that makes me live comfortably. Living rent-free, petrol-charges-free and free breakfast & dinner. It is an amazing life.
One friend told me before that she heard a boy from a rural area (during a camp) say, his greatest wish is to be able to step into KFC and have a meal there.
We laugh at it because it really sounds silly. But to them, the financially-poor children in rural area, it is not funny. It depicts their social status and what they have been deprieved of just because they were born into their family.
But at the same time, with 10 siblings, of course the fun they have in the streams and rivers in a kampung is so much better as compared to the boringness a child from KL who has alot of toys and no siblings would ever have.
It is always a matter of perspective :)
I used to wish for double eye lids because I truly understand the bane of being single eye-lidded, fat/chubby and ugly.
I wished to be slim and pretty like a model...
I badly wanted to have beautiful and glamorous curly hair that you see in the movies....
I wanted sooo badly to be a singer even though I croak sometimes
I wanted to be really talented in music but quickly threw the idea out when I saw how people trained in order to be the best :( (yucks.. i hate practicing)
There are just tooooo much I want in life that deviated me from what I truly want in my life.....
It would sound darn mushy (not to mention, yucks!) if I were to openly declare "SCH! It's you I ever wanted in my life" although definitely it would have been that.... but...
I want to be able to look at everything I have and at every night, before I go to bed, I say a silent prayer to thank the omnipresent being for not deciding to pull the plug on me and allowing me to have what I have now.
I may not be able to walk into the LV store and get myself that ugly looking LV-macam-pasar-malam bag. I may not be able to afford that document bag from Braun Buffel (RM999) and I am stinging on my money when it comes to replacing my old & always-hang-gila-mau-mampoi phone......
But with all those I forfeited, I guess I need to look back and think of all the things I have in my life that makes me live comfortably. Living rent-free, petrol-charges-free and free breakfast & dinner. It is an amazing life.
One friend told me before that she heard a boy from a rural area (during a camp) say, his greatest wish is to be able to step into KFC and have a meal there.
We laugh at it because it really sounds silly. But to them, the financially-poor children in rural area, it is not funny. It depicts their social status and what they have been deprieved of just because they were born into their family.
But at the same time, with 10 siblings, of course the fun they have in the streams and rivers in a kampung is so much better as compared to the boringness a child from KL who has alot of toys and no siblings would ever have.
It is always a matter of perspective :)
As I thought to myself...
Everything that happens..... It all happens for a reason :)
I do not know much about the wheel of life. I don't know if God really exists. I never met Alexander the Great, neither do I know Tunku Abdul Rahman in person....
But if there is one thing I know, I am having a relatively good life.
Life's enough to drive people bonkers. And everyone is always seeking for that 20% that is missing in their lives and they forget about the 80% that they already have.
If everyone digs deeper into the 80% they have and give/share it with the people around, they might be able to share the 20% others are seeking for an in return, gain that 20% from those whom they share..
But of course... If life was supposed to be this way, we would not have needed policemen to roam around the streets neither would we lock our doors with 10 different latches and padlocks. Probably Yale would not have even existed if it really happened.
And so...
Conclusion is...
Everything happens for a reason. Even the existence of companies manufacturing security locks!
I do not know much about the wheel of life. I don't know if God really exists. I never met Alexander the Great, neither do I know Tunku Abdul Rahman in person....
But if there is one thing I know, I am having a relatively good life.
Life's enough to drive people bonkers. And everyone is always seeking for that 20% that is missing in their lives and they forget about the 80% that they already have.
If everyone digs deeper into the 80% they have and give/share it with the people around, they might be able to share the 20% others are seeking for an in return, gain that 20% from those whom they share..
But of course... If life was supposed to be this way, we would not have needed policemen to roam around the streets neither would we lock our doors with 10 different latches and padlocks. Probably Yale would not have even existed if it really happened.
And so...
Conclusion is...
Everything happens for a reason. Even the existence of companies manufacturing security locks!
Today...
Today.....
I've learnt such great lesson......
Something that will stay with me for eternity...
- Michelle @ Cosmic Bowl Midvalley [2nd November 2010]
I've learnt such great lesson......
Something that will stay with me for eternity...
Never underestimate the ability of the elder people.
They do not perform at an optimal level not because they are unable to.....
Rather.... It is because they never pushed themselves harder because they know what to prioritize...
But if they do....
They win because they are physically stronger...
But it is because they are mentally wiser....
- Michelle @ Cosmic Bowl Midvalley [2nd November 2010]
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Just gotta make an announcement first :)
To those who even bothers to check this page :) of course,
Matt & I are legally married, but we've yet to be considered married, the Chinese way or the religious way
So please hold on to your questions if it is going to be any of the following:
1. Ang pow mana?
2. When's the kids coming along?
3. Where did you go for your honeymoon?
Although we are enjoying every bit of our status as legally married husband & wife, but at least spare us some breathing space first lah!! Kids can come later once we've settled down in our new home.
Work's a pressure cooker for us, and he's starting work earlier and earlier and I am mugging later and later, going through some sleepless nights because I'm trying to crack some ideas on how to solve problems back at the office.
And wedding's gonna probably be between June - September 2011, till then we have no plans on sporting a baby bump, go though morning sickness, thinking of whether it's gonna be a BOY or a GIRL or even anything that lies between that :)
But heck, life's been pretty good being married. Not like what most men say 'when you get married, it means GAME OVER'. Naah... It's a beginning of something new......
Matt & I are legally married, but we've yet to be considered married, the Chinese way or the religious way
So please hold on to your questions if it is going to be any of the following:
1. Ang pow mana?
2. When's the kids coming along?
3. Where did you go for your honeymoon?
Although we are enjoying every bit of our status as legally married husband & wife, but at least spare us some breathing space first lah!! Kids can come later once we've settled down in our new home.
Work's a pressure cooker for us, and he's starting work earlier and earlier and I am mugging later and later, going through some sleepless nights because I'm trying to crack some ideas on how to solve problems back at the office.
And wedding's gonna probably be between June - September 2011, till then we have no plans on sporting a baby bump, go though morning sickness, thinking of whether it's gonna be a BOY or a GIRL or even anything that lies between that :)
But heck, life's been pretty good being married. Not like what most men say 'when you get married, it means GAME OVER'. Naah... It's a beginning of something new......
Don't look back...
Many a time, we'd have seen videos, movies and read or heard stories about how people got married, have kids and grow old happily until their old flame appears.
And that is when a big destabilizing factor hits the relationship and rocks the entire foundation of a happy (or at least, as what the story tells us it is happy) marriage.
Logged into FB and saw my hubby's status. Felt a little surprised. But after deliberating, how true it would have been. Then I thought to myself, one should never look back if one believes that he/she has found the right one.
We've gotta bear in mind that the right one is not really the same as the 'absolutely perfect one'. Nobody is perfect. Even though we have friends who are seemingly perfect, but they too have their own doubts, insecurities and things that will pull them down. And being husband & wife is not just about trying to be two people joined under oath and a silly cert stating that we are married.
Marriage too, for me, is not absolutely all about procreation and nothing else.
But then and there again, when we have made our choices, we have already accepted each other for their own flaws as much as we are in for the 80% of the criteria we really want. Unless it is a match made wedding which is uncommon but brings more excitement (according to my friend!).
After all these, I guess that I should not even bother looking back. Even though I know that looking back will only make me feel sillier because of all those insane decisions made, those that we just never thought thoroughly.
Sometimes, the past may sting your heart. Remembering the times you were ditched, stood up, those days you were naive and silly that you were taken advantage of (emotionally) and those stupid days you spent waiting for that one phone call that never came or those empty promises that sounded like clothes flapping in the air (which does not matter anyway).
Reminiscing the stupidity of our younger days, it might make us sad or happy. But for me, I am determined to make my days to come something worth remembering. Heck, who will bother if we had a bad past or an extremely good one? Life still goes on!
Babe SCH, we took a vow, saying that we DO want to be in this marriage. We so wanted to start this life journey together. We just want to have an exclusive You&I as Husband&Wife life and whatever life throws at us, it is no longer about you, or me. It is gonna be US :)
Just wanna let you know that I have made the best choice in life and I am happy everyday, knowing the fact that you'd be the last person I see before I sleep and the first I see when I wake up.
I love you!
And that is when a big destabilizing factor hits the relationship and rocks the entire foundation of a happy (or at least, as what the story tells us it is happy) marriage.
Logged into FB and saw my hubby's status. Felt a little surprised. But after deliberating, how true it would have been. Then I thought to myself, one should never look back if one believes that he/she has found the right one.
We've gotta bear in mind that the right one is not really the same as the 'absolutely perfect one'. Nobody is perfect. Even though we have friends who are seemingly perfect, but they too have their own doubts, insecurities and things that will pull them down. And being husband & wife is not just about trying to be two people joined under oath and a silly cert stating that we are married.
Marriage too, for me, is not absolutely all about procreation and nothing else.
But then and there again, when we have made our choices, we have already accepted each other for their own flaws as much as we are in for the 80% of the criteria we really want. Unless it is a match made wedding which is uncommon but brings more excitement (according to my friend!).
After all these, I guess that I should not even bother looking back. Even though I know that looking back will only make me feel sillier because of all those insane decisions made, those that we just never thought thoroughly.
Sometimes, the past may sting your heart. Remembering the times you were ditched, stood up, those days you were naive and silly that you were taken advantage of (emotionally) and those stupid days you spent waiting for that one phone call that never came or those empty promises that sounded like clothes flapping in the air (which does not matter anyway).
Reminiscing the stupidity of our younger days, it might make us sad or happy. But for me, I am determined to make my days to come something worth remembering. Heck, who will bother if we had a bad past or an extremely good one? Life still goes on!
Babe SCH, we took a vow, saying that we DO want to be in this marriage. We so wanted to start this life journey together. We just want to have an exclusive You&I as Husband&Wife life and whatever life throws at us, it is no longer about you, or me. It is gonna be US :)
Just wanna let you know that I have made the best choice in life and I am happy everyday, knowing the fact that you'd be the last person I see before I sleep and the first I see when I wake up.
I love you!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Surreal. So real...
More than 36 hours passed. I am still trying to grasp the surrealistic dream I went through yesterday.
101010
Sounds like a binary code. Oh wait, it is a part of the binary code anyway! Logic gates, computers. Ahhh... you get it...
Anyway...... I've yet to get through the floaty dreamland-ish euphoria of the entire episode at Putrajaya, but I am now glad to say this ... I am officially and legally MARRIED to my beloved Matt Sia!
Years passed. We celebrated our Anniversary on the 5th October, and were telling each other, 'yeah, 5 more days to the real day and then, we change our anniversary date' and hey presto, it is already the 12th as I type!
Anyway, it does not make much difference in our lives, not because it did not matter but more likely because it felt like we've been married since aeons ago and now we're just officiating it! But yes, nonetheless, the euphoria and that words-can-never-describe excitement and adrenaline rush is a whole new experience to me.
One morning I wake up, I am Ms. Lim. The next day, I wake up as Mrs. Sia.
What a change!
Anyway, some of the pictures of the event taken from Shee Li's camera :)
Buddies who came ALL THE WAY from JB just to attend! Thanks, my friends!!
Brides and grooms for the day.....
Angkat Sumpah ----> I do!!
Family :)
Friends who means so much to me
and of course, the KIDS!
It was a wonderful experience, especially when you wake up to find that special someone beside you and knowing the fact that he/she is yours forever till the end of time :)
Sia Choon Howe, I love you :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
No biggie. I am ME :)
Seriously,
I will be lying to you if I told you i enjoyed going to concerts. I am claustrophobic.
I will be lying to you if I said I loved metal music. It gives me headache. Its not music. Its noise, like how my faithfully tired brain interpretes it to be.
I will be lying to you if I said that I do not need a camera. 6 months without one is costing me my freakish creativity.
I will be lying to you if I said I didn't work for money. Yes, heck I am. I want to buy a freaking beautiful chandelier thats RM2899 and a beautiful glossy black dining table for RM1999. So, what the hey?
But then again,
Don't hate me for who I am.
I am me.
Be yourself :)
I will be lying to you if I told you i enjoyed going to concerts. I am claustrophobic.
I will be lying to you if I said I loved metal music. It gives me headache. Its not music. Its noise, like how my faithfully tired brain interpretes it to be.
I will be lying to you if I said that I do not need a camera. 6 months without one is costing me my freakish creativity.
I will be lying to you if I said I didn't work for money. Yes, heck I am. I want to buy a freaking beautiful chandelier thats RM2899 and a beautiful glossy black dining table for RM1999. So, what the hey?
But then again,
Don't hate me for who I am.
I am me.
Be yourself :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
The mere mention of these people's names...
Is enough to drive me crazy to the point of murderous...
I couldn't sleep until about 3.00am... because the whole time I was lying down on my bed I was thinking of nothing... NOTHING but to cancel off these people's lives.
They will be everywhere I go... they will forever haunt me unless I fucking take a gun and kill them off, one by one... or should I take my car's baseball bat steering lock and just bash them until they run off bleeding?
Have you ever been in a situation where the solution to the problem is very simple, but you can't implement it because you just can't?
To these people... listen you bastards. You may have won this battle by causing me to loose sleep, but it ain't over yet. I'd advise you guys to watch your back wherever you go, because one day, IF MY TEMPER SNAPS, so would your lives, I'm afraid... FUCK YOU!
I couldn't sleep until about 3.00am... because the whole time I was lying down on my bed I was thinking of nothing... NOTHING but to cancel off these people's lives.
They will be everywhere I go... they will forever haunt me unless I fucking take a gun and kill them off, one by one... or should I take my car's baseball bat steering lock and just bash them until they run off bleeding?
Have you ever been in a situation where the solution to the problem is very simple, but you can't implement it because you just can't?
To these people... listen you bastards. You may have won this battle by causing me to loose sleep, but it ain't over yet. I'd advise you guys to watch your back wherever you go, because one day, IF MY TEMPER SNAPS, so would your lives, I'm afraid... FUCK YOU!
Give me that part of MY LIFE back!!!
Sometimes you'd just feel like screaming to the world. Just ask everyone to just shut up. Or do something like that.
You just cannot take the sound of the ticking clock, reminding you that time is of the essence.
You are reminded of a new day when the cock crows in the morning.
You are repeatedly being sent reminder e-mails about the upcoming meeting you have and those freakish deadlines you have to meet, however impossible it is.
Wouldn't you just want to put a FULL STOP or just press that EMERGENCY STOP button to your life?
I would like to do that right now.
Finding it hard to breathe when the time flies. Finding it tougher to get things done as I am growing 'up'. Finding it even harder when people start looking at me and expecting me to be more 'mature'.
But then alas, we have no control over what other people say, do or whatever else they are capable of.
All I wish is for my own self to just SIT AND THINK of what I really want to do in life. We are automatons, created to be robotic, repetitive and expected to deliver things fast. We are created to be able to troubleshoot everything, take care of everything and ensure that everything goes smoothly in our lives. One person slips up, you step in to deal with it. And live happily ever after, like those people in the movies.
But you know what?
This is not life at all. It is just a painting of life that the rich wants. After all, the 20% benefits from the hard work put in by the 80%. In life, there is no longer loyalty, friendship etc.
Remember those times you called your friends?
Hello? Eh, HI! How are you? By the way... [your true intentions here]
We are all fake. we lie. and we are not proud of it. and yet we do it again and again. when we try to embrace truth, it hurts too much that we just squeeze ourselves back into our snail shell. Hoping to let it shelter us from the storm.
but it will never change us unless we step up and see things in Black and White. Gray area f*cks with your mind. Lawyers make your life miserable by treading on that thin line. We end up becoming liars forever.
Please give me that part of my life back. That one where innocence, happiness and sanity ruled. Not something I have now, where I have to lie to tell the people I deal with that I am holding up well. I am sick of smiling when all I want to do is to jump at you and strangle you to death. I hate being afraid of you and be nice to you because I know that if I am not nice to you, you will murder my husband.
Life's a lie. A very big lie indeed.
Please let me have that part of life I once owned BACK :(
You just cannot take the sound of the ticking clock, reminding you that time is of the essence.
You are reminded of a new day when the cock crows in the morning.
You are repeatedly being sent reminder e-mails about the upcoming meeting you have and those freakish deadlines you have to meet, however impossible it is.
Wouldn't you just want to put a FULL STOP or just press that EMERGENCY STOP button to your life?
I would like to do that right now.
Finding it hard to breathe when the time flies. Finding it tougher to get things done as I am growing 'up'. Finding it even harder when people start looking at me and expecting me to be more 'mature'.
But then alas, we have no control over what other people say, do or whatever else they are capable of.
All I wish is for my own self to just SIT AND THINK of what I really want to do in life. We are automatons, created to be robotic, repetitive and expected to deliver things fast. We are created to be able to troubleshoot everything, take care of everything and ensure that everything goes smoothly in our lives. One person slips up, you step in to deal with it. And live happily ever after, like those people in the movies.
But you know what?
This is not life at all. It is just a painting of life that the rich wants. After all, the 20% benefits from the hard work put in by the 80%. In life, there is no longer loyalty, friendship etc.
Remember those times you called your friends?
Hello? Eh, HI! How are you? By the way... [your true intentions here]
We are all fake. we lie. and we are not proud of it. and yet we do it again and again. when we try to embrace truth, it hurts too much that we just squeeze ourselves back into our snail shell. Hoping to let it shelter us from the storm.
but it will never change us unless we step up and see things in Black and White. Gray area f*cks with your mind. Lawyers make your life miserable by treading on that thin line. We end up becoming liars forever.
Please give me that part of my life back. That one where innocence, happiness and sanity ruled. Not something I have now, where I have to lie to tell the people I deal with that I am holding up well. I am sick of smiling when all I want to do is to jump at you and strangle you to death. I hate being afraid of you and be nice to you because I know that if I am not nice to you, you will murder my husband.
Life's a lie. A very big lie indeed.
Please let me have that part of life I once owned BACK :(
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Baffled over and over....
Don't you have that strange feeling that life's just as aimless as we sometimes would get when we have too much time to spend with ourselves?
There are just too many schools of thoughts. Too many idealistic ideals, too many researches, too many beliefs, superstitions etc etc that you can ever name in a flash of a lightning strike.
Life's starting to be judged by the material goods we can afford, it is reflected in the type of places we frequent, it shows in our clique of friends, it is highlighted in our shopping routines, and it is totally written in BOLD and CAPITAL LETTERS when we talk.
Ever wondered if life's supposed to be measured by the number of smiles you could generate on other people's faces?
What if we start looking at the quality of living, rather than just to aimlessly join in the bandwagon in search for the existence of the Path To More Money? Too often we've been sucked into the vortex of 'I can have it all when I have money'. But don't we all realize that it is always ourselves (yes, its us) who brings more sadness, the feeling of depression, inequality, ungratefulness, hatred (whatever that is perceived to be negative) and we're still eagarly welcoming it into our lives?
We all know that we have choices. Making a decision is a choice. Not making a decision and standing on the fence is also a decision. Deciding to stop and deliberate on our next course of action is also a choice.
But time and again, our choices are clouded by 1001 other unimportant and insignificant things in life that we just want to make it significant.
You do not need an iPhone, you WANT it. You do not need a Mac, you just feel like buying it cuz it looks freaking stylish and good. You want to buy something from Marc Jacob although you know its gonna cost you a month of your salary. You want all these so badly that you fail to notice other things you have in life.
Sometimes, our lives are always in the 5th gear and before you know it, it is too late to down shift or even to stop. Once the moment is gone, it is lost forever.
Now, you are given a choice to think of what you really want in life. What you cannot bear losing EVER, that something that will kill you spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc. if you do not have it.
Then, learn to prioritize.
Remember your parents, your family, friends and loved ones who have done so much for you. Sometimes, they deserve that dinner date with you more than your 'new pseudo-friends' ever deserve to have you around.
And always find a way to capture the true essence of life. Material gifts are just plainly tangible and physical. But that one small spiritual touch, that one whiff of humanity, the hues illuminated by love and the euphoria of feeling that you belong to somewhere.... All these are more likely to help open your sensory doors to a whole new level of life and the excitement it brings....
There are just too many schools of thoughts. Too many idealistic ideals, too many researches, too many beliefs, superstitions etc etc that you can ever name in a flash of a lightning strike.
Life's starting to be judged by the material goods we can afford, it is reflected in the type of places we frequent, it shows in our clique of friends, it is highlighted in our shopping routines, and it is totally written in BOLD and CAPITAL LETTERS when we talk.
Ever wondered if life's supposed to be measured by the number of smiles you could generate on other people's faces?
What if we start looking at the quality of living, rather than just to aimlessly join in the bandwagon in search for the existence of the Path To More Money? Too often we've been sucked into the vortex of 'I can have it all when I have money'. But don't we all realize that it is always ourselves (yes, its us) who brings more sadness, the feeling of depression, inequality, ungratefulness, hatred (whatever that is perceived to be negative) and we're still eagarly welcoming it into our lives?
We all know that we have choices. Making a decision is a choice. Not making a decision and standing on the fence is also a decision. Deciding to stop and deliberate on our next course of action is also a choice.
But time and again, our choices are clouded by 1001 other unimportant and insignificant things in life that we just want to make it significant.
You do not need an iPhone, you WANT it. You do not need a Mac, you just feel like buying it cuz it looks freaking stylish and good. You want to buy something from Marc Jacob although you know its gonna cost you a month of your salary. You want all these so badly that you fail to notice other things you have in life.
Sometimes, our lives are always in the 5th gear and before you know it, it is too late to down shift or even to stop. Once the moment is gone, it is lost forever.
Now, you are given a choice to think of what you really want in life. What you cannot bear losing EVER, that something that will kill you spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc. if you do not have it.
Then, learn to prioritize.
Remember your parents, your family, friends and loved ones who have done so much for you. Sometimes, they deserve that dinner date with you more than your 'new pseudo-friends' ever deserve to have you around.
And always find a way to capture the true essence of life. Material gifts are just plainly tangible and physical. But that one small spiritual touch, that one whiff of humanity, the hues illuminated by love and the euphoria of feeling that you belong to somewhere.... All these are more likely to help open your sensory doors to a whole new level of life and the excitement it brings....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Goodbye, our dear little boy...
I can still recall when he was born in January 2005. It was really an exciting day for me, at least. Although he had a different mother (albeit one who didn't really give a f**k about him), he was sure as hell a love-at-first-sight case for me.
From there, the journey began. And with every page and chapter of my life, he was there... either to rejoice with me, get mad together with me, or to shed tears with me. He endured the repeated pounding of my hands when I got dumped by his first mother. He was there with me, together painting the town red, when I got promoted shortly after. He was also there when I left my first company in rage and jumped into HP.
I met his second mother (and effectively the only and real mother that he'd ever have) in October 2008, and he was there to celebrate our union in the peaks of Genting.
Our little boy had a near-perfect life... he had everything every other little boys didn't. However, God is fair, and nothing in this world escapes that slight imperfection. His legs would grow limp very fast, and he had to endure countless amounts of surgery to get him back to shape. Maybe he gets tired very fast, especially with a daddy who travels a lot, and insists on bringing him wherever he goes. That is not counting the nerve biopsies and replacements that he had to go through whenever his nervous system fails.
Little did we know that this little imperfection would one day be life threatening. Shortly after his 5th birthday, he started walking with a significant limp, and cries out in pain all the time whenever he tries to change direction. His mom and I did everything that we could. Spent thousands on treating him and making him better. All to no avail. Even with new transplants and screws, he still limped and cries out in pain all the time, getting from bad to worse even with the aid of the most advanced technology the world could ever offer.
We are not millionaires, and to put him through a full-body restoring surgery would cost too high... so in the end, after days and nights of thought, tears, and agony, we decided to give him up for adoption... hopefully there will be a kind daddy or mommy (or both) out there who can afford to restore him back to the fullness of health and life.
Looking back, and every time we pass by his new home and see him there, we shed tears of regret... we shed tears of sorrow... WE loved him. We promised a younger brother for him, and we promised surgery to bring him back to good health... but why did we end up giving him up for adoption?
We hope you will forgive us, our dear little boy. We had run out of ideas and ways... sometimes we wished that we had so much money that we could still keep you with us, and love you with each passing day. Sometimes, at night, I dream that we actually kept you and gave you a baby brother, and both of you having so much fun... it makes me cry silent tears. Your mother still hasn't reconciled with the fact that you're gone - tears flowing down her face every time I mention your name...
WHY, GOD? WHY??? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US??? SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU JUST ENJOY SEEING PEOPLE SUFFER IN AGONY, GIVING UP WHATEVER THEY LOVE???
With a heavy heart... with tears in my eyes, and with sorrow flowing through my veins... farewell, my little boy... Farewell, Monster Sia... we hope that someday, when you've grown further, when you see your parents (looking a little older than now), you will still remember us and call us by your signature squeal "EEK"...
From there, the journey began. And with every page and chapter of my life, he was there... either to rejoice with me, get mad together with me, or to shed tears with me. He endured the repeated pounding of my hands when I got dumped by his first mother. He was there with me, together painting the town red, when I got promoted shortly after. He was also there when I left my first company in rage and jumped into HP.
I met his second mother (and effectively the only and real mother that he'd ever have) in October 2008, and he was there to celebrate our union in the peaks of Genting.
Our little boy had a near-perfect life... he had everything every other little boys didn't. However, God is fair, and nothing in this world escapes that slight imperfection. His legs would grow limp very fast, and he had to endure countless amounts of surgery to get him back to shape. Maybe he gets tired very fast, especially with a daddy who travels a lot, and insists on bringing him wherever he goes. That is not counting the nerve biopsies and replacements that he had to go through whenever his nervous system fails.
Little did we know that this little imperfection would one day be life threatening. Shortly after his 5th birthday, he started walking with a significant limp, and cries out in pain all the time whenever he tries to change direction. His mom and I did everything that we could. Spent thousands on treating him and making him better. All to no avail. Even with new transplants and screws, he still limped and cries out in pain all the time, getting from bad to worse even with the aid of the most advanced technology the world could ever offer.
We are not millionaires, and to put him through a full-body restoring surgery would cost too high... so in the end, after days and nights of thought, tears, and agony, we decided to give him up for adoption... hopefully there will be a kind daddy or mommy (or both) out there who can afford to restore him back to the fullness of health and life.
Looking back, and every time we pass by his new home and see him there, we shed tears of regret... we shed tears of sorrow... WE loved him. We promised a younger brother for him, and we promised surgery to bring him back to good health... but why did we end up giving him up for adoption?
We hope you will forgive us, our dear little boy. We had run out of ideas and ways... sometimes we wished that we had so much money that we could still keep you with us, and love you with each passing day. Sometimes, at night, I dream that we actually kept you and gave you a baby brother, and both of you having so much fun... it makes me cry silent tears. Your mother still hasn't reconciled with the fact that you're gone - tears flowing down her face every time I mention your name...
WHY, GOD? WHY??? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US??? SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU JUST ENJOY SEEING PEOPLE SUFFER IN AGONY, GIVING UP WHATEVER THEY LOVE???
With a heavy heart... with tears in my eyes, and with sorrow flowing through my veins... farewell, my little boy... Farewell, Monster Sia... we hope that someday, when you've grown further, when you see your parents (looking a little older than now), you will still remember us and call us by your signature squeal "EEK"...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
If only...
I live in my own utopian world. And I always believed that somewhere deep in the heart of purpleness (doesn't make sense, should not make sense too) there is an equilibrium that could be attained.
But I just wish that everyone can put in the effort to make things happen.
This is what I'd like to say to you......
Please do not make another person responsible for your job. Sometimes, it is very obvious that you are shirking your own responsibility. And it is just not right to go off for your personal holiday and leave your colleagues in a lurch, tying up the loose ends of your job.
If only everyone does his/her job, we will not need to bend our asses backwards just to pick your shit up. If you do not like people to give their job to you, you should STOP giving yours to others.
Yes, people may have talked about passing the baton or paying it forward. But there is a clear difference between paying it forward by helping people and passing the baton by passing your job around for others to pick up.
I am sick of helping you to pick your shit that you left behind all the time. I hate feeling guilty because i was new and screwed up and caused you to be scolded. I am sick of feeling responsible for things that are not mine.
I know that I have an inherent defect in life, so stop using it to your advantage. We all have a breaking point...
But I just wish that everyone can put in the effort to make things happen.
This is what I'd like to say to you......
Please do not make another person responsible for your job. Sometimes, it is very obvious that you are shirking your own responsibility. And it is just not right to go off for your personal holiday and leave your colleagues in a lurch, tying up the loose ends of your job.
If only everyone does his/her job, we will not need to bend our asses backwards just to pick your shit up. If you do not like people to give their job to you, you should STOP giving yours to others.
Yes, people may have talked about passing the baton or paying it forward. But there is a clear difference between paying it forward by helping people and passing the baton by passing your job around for others to pick up.
I am sick of helping you to pick your shit that you left behind all the time. I hate feeling guilty because i was new and screwed up and caused you to be scolded. I am sick of feeling responsible for things that are not mine.
I know that I have an inherent defect in life, so stop using it to your advantage. We all have a breaking point...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Dear whatever...
Dear slab-headed-jackass,
Look, I don't really know who the fuck you are, apart from what little I already know.
But apparently, you're trying to test my patience here, from what I can tell.
Is it so hard for you to admit defeat? Is it so difficult for you to back off and get on?
From what I can tell, you were the one who catalyzed the entire thing, and now you're trying to fuck with me?
I would expect somebody SO FUCKING GROWN UP like you to ACT MORE LIKE AN ADULT and FUCK OFF WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY LOST THE WAR!!
So listen here, you stone-crowned-idiot. You may think I am weak and scared of your towering presence, but know you this. You do not know who the fuck I am. So my advice to you is to just stay away, mother fucker. You don't fucking know what I'm capable of, and you don't fucking know what goes on in my turf. So, if you DON'T FUCKING WANNA GET HURT, then please just GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I've had enough of you, you fuck-faced idiot. But even so, I would really hate to be attending your funeral and admitting to the crowd that I was the one who put the bullet through your brain, so don't FUCKING GIVE ME A REASON TO DO IT!
Yours truly,
The guy with the Silver Colored Waja
Look, I don't really know who the fuck you are, apart from what little I already know.
But apparently, you're trying to test my patience here, from what I can tell.
Is it so hard for you to admit defeat? Is it so difficult for you to back off and get on?
From what I can tell, you were the one who catalyzed the entire thing, and now you're trying to fuck with me?
I would expect somebody SO FUCKING GROWN UP like you to ACT MORE LIKE AN ADULT and FUCK OFF WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY LOST THE WAR!!
So listen here, you stone-crowned-idiot. You may think I am weak and scared of your towering presence, but know you this. You do not know who the fuck I am. So my advice to you is to just stay away, mother fucker. You don't fucking know what I'm capable of, and you don't fucking know what goes on in my turf. So, if you DON'T FUCKING WANNA GET HURT, then please just GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I've had enough of you, you fuck-faced idiot. But even so, I would really hate to be attending your funeral and admitting to the crowd that I was the one who put the bullet through your brain, so don't FUCKING GIVE ME A REASON TO DO IT!
Yours truly,
The guy with the Silver Colored Waja
Sunday, June 6, 2010
A friend indeed
It was a normal morning... everything was going on fine... we were supposed to take a drive to Jusco Kepong as bebe had her field duties today. With plans in mind for breakfast and a growling stomach looming, we hopped into our car and I turned the ignition switch...
*nothing*
I turned it again...
*nothing, and there was a funny ticking sound coming out of the engine bay*
That was it, Monster Sia finally had some problems with his electrical circuit. Was it the battery? Can't be... I've been maintaining it and refilling it with battery water every now and then.
Called my neighbour (and also former WPC club mate) Saiful a.k.a. "Barium". Down he came, so three of us rolled up our sleeves and pushed Monster to position for a jump start. Took out my jump-cables and connected them. Ironically, Monster did not start. Well, kinda thought that it must be some other problem.
"Is it the fuel pump?" Barium quipped. Then it struck me that Monster's fuel pump is due for replacement as well.
"Here, you can have my car first, but take care of my Wanee, okay?" Barium said, kissing his beloved ride on the rear left pillar. Hehe. So, I drove Wanee, brought my bebe to Jusco Kepong.
After bidding her a fond goodbye, I thought I should get on down to Taman Tan Yew Lai and pay Ah Guan a visit, to purchase a fuel pump. Called Wong Tai Sin (YSW) along the way... after describing to this vehicle expert my problem, he said it wasn't the fuel pump, but likely to be a starter motor or the battery itself, who knows?
Arrived at Ah Guan's place. CLOSED!
AAAHHH!!!! GROAN!!
Drove my ass back to Damansara, filled Wanee up to the brim at Petronas, and went to this friendly mechanic shop just opposite my house called Economechanix. The owner and the foreman were both very nice people. Brought the foreman over to the condo car park. He tried jump starting Monster. Monster came to life...
Now what the hell did Barium and I do wrong with the initial jump start??
Bought a new MF battery, paid RM210, and parked Monster back in place. Gave Wanee's keys back to Barium.
But I'm lucky it wasn't a major problem that involved towing, or I wouldn't know how the hell they'll drag Monster out of the car park on LG2.
THANKS BRO BARIUM!!! You were there when I needed your help, I'm very grateful :)
*nothing*
I turned it again...
*nothing, and there was a funny ticking sound coming out of the engine bay*
That was it, Monster Sia finally had some problems with his electrical circuit. Was it the battery? Can't be... I've been maintaining it and refilling it with battery water every now and then.
Called my neighbour (and also former WPC club mate) Saiful a.k.a. "Barium". Down he came, so three of us rolled up our sleeves and pushed Monster to position for a jump start. Took out my jump-cables and connected them. Ironically, Monster did not start. Well, kinda thought that it must be some other problem.
"Is it the fuel pump?" Barium quipped. Then it struck me that Monster's fuel pump is due for replacement as well.
"Here, you can have my car first, but take care of my Wanee, okay?" Barium said, kissing his beloved ride on the rear left pillar. Hehe. So, I drove Wanee, brought my bebe to Jusco Kepong.
After bidding her a fond goodbye, I thought I should get on down to Taman Tan Yew Lai and pay Ah Guan a visit, to purchase a fuel pump. Called Wong Tai Sin (YSW) along the way... after describing to this vehicle expert my problem, he said it wasn't the fuel pump, but likely to be a starter motor or the battery itself, who knows?
Arrived at Ah Guan's place. CLOSED!
AAAHHH!!!! GROAN!!
Drove my ass back to Damansara, filled Wanee up to the brim at Petronas, and went to this friendly mechanic shop just opposite my house called Economechanix. The owner and the foreman were both very nice people. Brought the foreman over to the condo car park. He tried jump starting Monster. Monster came to life...
Now what the hell did Barium and I do wrong with the initial jump start??
Bought a new MF battery, paid RM210, and parked Monster back in place. Gave Wanee's keys back to Barium.
But I'm lucky it wasn't a major problem that involved towing, or I wouldn't know how the hell they'll drag Monster out of the car park on LG2.
THANKS BRO BARIUM!!! You were there when I needed your help, I'm very grateful :)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
An echo to a disasterous incident
As what most of us have read on our Facebook/newspaper, we'd have know about the tragic death of a 27 year old student from Sarawak after a deadly collision with a lorry and a Toyota Vios.
This is my 2 cent's worth about this incident.
I feel that, this story fell into a gray area. No right, no wrong moves. Just based on ethics.
Yes, our hearts bled out and went out in full force to that girl who died in the deadly crash. We all felt the pain and the selfishness of the two petrol station attendants who were unwilling to pass the fire extinguisher to the man who requested for it in order to save a life.
The man who requested for it, he knew what was going on. He saw what happened. He took action.
The two boys (I call them boys because I feel that they are not mature yet to be men) were at a petrol station about 500m away from the site, sitting/cooped up inside a petrol station at an obscene hour. They cannot see the accident. They were oblivious to the fact that an accident occured.
Now here comes the tricky part.
The man who came asked for a fire extinguisher. The man asked, pleaded and slowly lost his temper (understandable, a life is at stake) because he NEEDED the fire extinguisher to save the life of the girl. He started to throw his IC in, saying that the petrol station attendants could keep the IC and if the man ran away with the extinguisher, they could trace it back to him. He even offered to PAY for the fire extinguisher because he knew what it would mean to the girl if he had been able to get it.
The two boys inside the petrol station are just workers.
Premise 1: They are workers at a petrol pump at such an obscene hour.
Premise 2: Nobody will want to work graveyard shift because it is dangerous.
Premise 3: These two boys worked during the graveyard shift despite it being dangerous. They must either be unqualified for other positions or the pay for this job was higher because the risks were higher, or possibly, they had to take a risk because they could not find any other jobs.
Conclusion: These two boys has been handed bad cards. They had not-so-favorable choices to choose. They took the dangerous graveyard shift at the petrol station.
A little bit long winded but hope you got the point.
The boys worked there not because they had no choice. They chose to work there. Reasons unclear. But it is clear that they were just workers. And with every worker who is working for a big organization, they are just like 'little fishes in the big ocean'. Hierarchy in a big corporation would have been too much, nobody knew who they were in the company. Yes, unfortunately, they are like pawns in a game of chess. You sacrifice them first should anything happen.
And for big corporation, even though they are on the chess board, not all organizations want to sacrifice their pawns in a game of chess. Some could checkmate their opponents in just 5 moves (or less if they were crazy), while others will lose a few pawns trying to save the King. But bottomline is, corporations as big as this cannot afford to let their people below (even though they are 'deemed' as pawns) suffer because these are their frontliners.
What would big corporations do in order to keep their people 'safe'? They implement a lot of rules, the Do's and Don'ts of a corporation. Things one can do, one cannot do to ensure that calamity/bad things do not befall. We must be careful with our scissors and not leave them around so that a child will not accidentally pick it up and poke his eye with it. We want to minimize casualty because it will reflect badly upon an organization.
And unfortunately, when this accident occured, it was not at a place the two boys could see. How would they know the relevance of the story? How can they verify? Drive out to check? What if the man pounding at the glass is a robber? What if the boys got robbed and got themselves killed because they believed in this man?
We can safely blame something here though. We can blame it on the mentality of Malaysians in general. We are not a helpful bunch of people. And reason being, we have opportunists amidst us. Like it or not, it happens everywhere, but in Asian countries, situation will always be worse. We Malaysians used to be a bunch of trusting, loving, united bunch of people. Regardless of our race, culture, religion etc. We tolerated each other.
But now, what happened? We sow seeds of discord, hatred and dislike against one another. Regardless of race, culture or religion. People of different race, culture or religion, we get nit-picky over their 'beliefs and traditions'. People of the same kind, we just have to find fault in them. We are against one another. We compete to have better things than another. We want the best and we want to be the best. No such thing as working together.
Things like distrust, dishonesty, robberies, and many other bad qualities started surfacing. We stopped trusting one another because time and again we tried but the other party just tend to break the trust. We gave up trying. We started protecting ourselves by being selfish. We built fortresses and barracks to separate ourselves from the world. We erected walls to divide each other. We worked in our own silo, unwilling to lend a helping hand to another for the fear of being the dumping ground of other people because they will think that you're easy to be bullied. We gave ourselves the opportunity to nurse the grudge, nurse that little bump of trouble, nurse the distrust among others and never allowed ourselves to even approach another person for the fear of being taken advantage of!
We live in a cruel society where the richest man can have the loudest laugh or the last say. We suffer because of bureaucracy and inequality because of status, because of the way we were brought up. Because of who our parents are (or who they are not). We live in a materialistic and realistic world. Nobody cares about the world. Every man for himself; selfishness breed like germs.
As a friend said today, "What an old man dies for, a baby cries for", recognition is all we are looking for. We are looking to be accepted and to be regarded as a 'somebody' at least for once in our lives. Our goals changed from living a life for everyone to living a life to use everyone for personal gain.
This is what I think about the entire situation. Both parties were right. But both parties were not on the same page when the incident happened.
If it was by the order of the management that the boys CAN NOT open the door for whatsoever reason except to escape from the pump if something bad happens, they held up to their side of the bargain. They did right, even though, ethically it costed a life of another human being.
The man who requested for the fire extinguisher made a decision to go to the petrol kiosk because he knew that it would have saved the girl's life. He did the right thing by responding too.
But please do not forget where this incident happened. It was in KL and it was at 3.30am. How obscene could this situation be? It could not have been worse.
What if we took this situation, turned it around and made this good samaritan a bad guy? He decides to take this story and use it over and over again and lie to petrol station attendants and hope that one good hearted guy worked behind that glass door? The good man at the pump might be robbed, killed or God knows what will happen to him if he did open the door. If nothing bad happened to him physically, he'd still have to bear the cost of the damage/losses incurred on the day because he broke the management's orders of NOT OPENING THE DOORS FOR THEIR SAFETY. And if they were killed, there would have been possible if one of the clause in the employment contract that said 'you will be held liable for the losses if you do not adhere to the rules' or 'the company will not be held responsible if a staff's life is jeopardized if he/she does not follow the management's orders'.
We did not sign that contract/agreement. The boys did. Whether it was written or not, we do not know and we are not privileged enough to know intricate details about such things.
At first when I heard about the story, I was really mad at these boys. I was mad because they could have saved the girl's life. But after thinking for so long, I realized the ethical vs. legal predicament these boys faced. That happened after I read my terms of the contract for my new job. It made me realize that we human beings, although we want to do many things in life, more often than not we are restricted from doing something because of the law and the nature of how things are.
We cannot tell who is a good or a bad guy. We cannot tell how a stranger is like, whether he was a good man or a bad man. A fully tattooed man can also be a man with strong integrity and sense of comradeship. A man who looks very prim and proper could also be the owner of a brothel. We have no facts to back things up and only prejudgement, instincts, and that 5 seconds of impression to count on when we make hasty decisions. And when this happens, people will tend not to take risks. They go by the book. They follow that one thing they know is certain.
Life is a game of chances. Life is a gamble. Life is all about how well your fast judgement and luck are. Life in short, excuse my French; is a bitch.
This is my 2 cent's worth about this incident.
I feel that, this story fell into a gray area. No right, no wrong moves. Just based on ethics.
Yes, our hearts bled out and went out in full force to that girl who died in the deadly crash. We all felt the pain and the selfishness of the two petrol station attendants who were unwilling to pass the fire extinguisher to the man who requested for it in order to save a life.
The man who requested for it, he knew what was going on. He saw what happened. He took action.
The two boys (I call them boys because I feel that they are not mature yet to be men) were at a petrol station about 500m away from the site, sitting/cooped up inside a petrol station at an obscene hour. They cannot see the accident. They were oblivious to the fact that an accident occured.
Now here comes the tricky part.
The man who came asked for a fire extinguisher. The man asked, pleaded and slowly lost his temper (understandable, a life is at stake) because he NEEDED the fire extinguisher to save the life of the girl. He started to throw his IC in, saying that the petrol station attendants could keep the IC and if the man ran away with the extinguisher, they could trace it back to him. He even offered to PAY for the fire extinguisher because he knew what it would mean to the girl if he had been able to get it.
The two boys inside the petrol station are just workers.
Premise 1: They are workers at a petrol pump at such an obscene hour.
Premise 2: Nobody will want to work graveyard shift because it is dangerous.
Premise 3: These two boys worked during the graveyard shift despite it being dangerous. They must either be unqualified for other positions or the pay for this job was higher because the risks were higher, or possibly, they had to take a risk because they could not find any other jobs.
Conclusion: These two boys has been handed bad cards. They had not-so-favorable choices to choose. They took the dangerous graveyard shift at the petrol station.
A little bit long winded but hope you got the point.
The boys worked there not because they had no choice. They chose to work there. Reasons unclear. But it is clear that they were just workers. And with every worker who is working for a big organization, they are just like 'little fishes in the big ocean'. Hierarchy in a big corporation would have been too much, nobody knew who they were in the company. Yes, unfortunately, they are like pawns in a game of chess. You sacrifice them first should anything happen.
And for big corporation, even though they are on the chess board, not all organizations want to sacrifice their pawns in a game of chess. Some could checkmate their opponents in just 5 moves (or less if they were crazy), while others will lose a few pawns trying to save the King. But bottomline is, corporations as big as this cannot afford to let their people below (even though they are 'deemed' as pawns) suffer because these are their frontliners.
What would big corporations do in order to keep their people 'safe'? They implement a lot of rules, the Do's and Don'ts of a corporation. Things one can do, one cannot do to ensure that calamity/bad things do not befall. We must be careful with our scissors and not leave them around so that a child will not accidentally pick it up and poke his eye with it. We want to minimize casualty because it will reflect badly upon an organization.
And unfortunately, when this accident occured, it was not at a place the two boys could see. How would they know the relevance of the story? How can they verify? Drive out to check? What if the man pounding at the glass is a robber? What if the boys got robbed and got themselves killed because they believed in this man?
We can safely blame something here though. We can blame it on the mentality of Malaysians in general. We are not a helpful bunch of people. And reason being, we have opportunists amidst us. Like it or not, it happens everywhere, but in Asian countries, situation will always be worse. We Malaysians used to be a bunch of trusting, loving, united bunch of people. Regardless of our race, culture, religion etc. We tolerated each other.
But now, what happened? We sow seeds of discord, hatred and dislike against one another. Regardless of race, culture or religion. People of different race, culture or religion, we get nit-picky over their 'beliefs and traditions'. People of the same kind, we just have to find fault in them. We are against one another. We compete to have better things than another. We want the best and we want to be the best. No such thing as working together.
Things like distrust, dishonesty, robberies, and many other bad qualities started surfacing. We stopped trusting one another because time and again we tried but the other party just tend to break the trust. We gave up trying. We started protecting ourselves by being selfish. We built fortresses and barracks to separate ourselves from the world. We erected walls to divide each other. We worked in our own silo, unwilling to lend a helping hand to another for the fear of being the dumping ground of other people because they will think that you're easy to be bullied. We gave ourselves the opportunity to nurse the grudge, nurse that little bump of trouble, nurse the distrust among others and never allowed ourselves to even approach another person for the fear of being taken advantage of!
We live in a cruel society where the richest man can have the loudest laugh or the last say. We suffer because of bureaucracy and inequality because of status, because of the way we were brought up. Because of who our parents are (or who they are not). We live in a materialistic and realistic world. Nobody cares about the world. Every man for himself; selfishness breed like germs.
As a friend said today, "What an old man dies for, a baby cries for", recognition is all we are looking for. We are looking to be accepted and to be regarded as a 'somebody' at least for once in our lives. Our goals changed from living a life for everyone to living a life to use everyone for personal gain.
This is what I think about the entire situation. Both parties were right. But both parties were not on the same page when the incident happened.
If it was by the order of the management that the boys CAN NOT open the door for whatsoever reason except to escape from the pump if something bad happens, they held up to their side of the bargain. They did right, even though, ethically it costed a life of another human being.
The man who requested for the fire extinguisher made a decision to go to the petrol kiosk because he knew that it would have saved the girl's life. He did the right thing by responding too.
But please do not forget where this incident happened. It was in KL and it was at 3.30am. How obscene could this situation be? It could not have been worse.
What if we took this situation, turned it around and made this good samaritan a bad guy? He decides to take this story and use it over and over again and lie to petrol station attendants and hope that one good hearted guy worked behind that glass door? The good man at the pump might be robbed, killed or God knows what will happen to him if he did open the door. If nothing bad happened to him physically, he'd still have to bear the cost of the damage/losses incurred on the day because he broke the management's orders of NOT OPENING THE DOORS FOR THEIR SAFETY. And if they were killed, there would have been possible if one of the clause in the employment contract that said 'you will be held liable for the losses if you do not adhere to the rules' or 'the company will not be held responsible if a staff's life is jeopardized if he/she does not follow the management's orders'.
We did not sign that contract/agreement. The boys did. Whether it was written or not, we do not know and we are not privileged enough to know intricate details about such things.
At first when I heard about the story, I was really mad at these boys. I was mad because they could have saved the girl's life. But after thinking for so long, I realized the ethical vs. legal predicament these boys faced. That happened after I read my terms of the contract for my new job. It made me realize that we human beings, although we want to do many things in life, more often than not we are restricted from doing something because of the law and the nature of how things are.
We cannot tell who is a good or a bad guy. We cannot tell how a stranger is like, whether he was a good man or a bad man. A fully tattooed man can also be a man with strong integrity and sense of comradeship. A man who looks very prim and proper could also be the owner of a brothel. We have no facts to back things up and only prejudgement, instincts, and that 5 seconds of impression to count on when we make hasty decisions. And when this happens, people will tend not to take risks. They go by the book. They follow that one thing they know is certain.
Life is a game of chances. Life is a gamble. Life is all about how well your fast judgement and luck are. Life in short, excuse my French; is a bitch.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thankful
I am truly thankful for being who I am. And yes, some friends made a remark, 'finally Michelle, you're realizing things we've known for so long'. And you guys should be wondering what am I thankful for.
I am truly thankful for being who I am. I went to PWTC in search for a job, happened to like a few (like, only 2 companies) and winded up being called by the boss of the company 1 hour after submitting my CV. I was surprised. In my mind, it was like, 'wah... I want to start work in July/August only. And you called me this early?'. And in my mind, I was half rejoicing and half dreading that the employer will ask me to start work in June.
Went for the job fair on Friday. Got a call on Friday. Scheduled for interview on following Thursday (went to Kenyir from Monday - Wednesday). Went in for interview on Thursday mid-morning. Nailed the job on the spot. Was requested to start early and in plain eagerness to join this awesome company, jumped in to agree to start in June.
I cannot say how much I regretted that 'yes, i can start in June' statement I made. I wished I could retract it back. But after 4 days there, I would say that I am thankful that I started in June. At least I am employed, I am keeping myself occupied and I am just plainly gonna absorb myself into the working world! Hooyah! Finally, Michelle is no longer a bum at home, sucking cash from family and bebe Sia Choon Howe ... hehe... I can smell independence (smell my 1st paycheck!)
Anyway, I was surprised that I nailed the job. Probably I was just too eager to start work and I just plainly loved the job. But I keep telling myself, 'no regrets now. Just concentrate on giving your best, your 1000% into everything you do. But do it respectfully. Do it right. Keep your head up high and not hide because of shame or that something wrong you do. Ask if you don't know. Smile and be friends with all. Lend a helping hand to those who needs. Guide those who are lost. Learn fast, learn smart. Blend in with the environment but at the same time learn to adapt to changes quickly'.
I am thankful that this job is something I want. Although I don't know what will happen in the future, but I want to have a fresh start. I want to go through life smoothly. I want to experience a life that I can one day tell my kids 'long long ago, before you were born'.... I really want to make a mark in my life. I want to draw something on my white sheet of paper. I want to experience the struggle and the successes and the depression of fighting for something I really want in life.
I want a career before I decide to one day have a child and devote full-time to bringing him/her up. And as long as that day has not come, I shall pursue in that something else that will bring me personal satisfaction; being independent and being able to afford things by myself.
And because all these were possible and it is growing, I am thankful....
I am truly thankful for being who I am. I went to PWTC in search for a job, happened to like a few (like, only 2 companies) and winded up being called by the boss of the company 1 hour after submitting my CV. I was surprised. In my mind, it was like, 'wah... I want to start work in July/August only. And you called me this early?'. And in my mind, I was half rejoicing and half dreading that the employer will ask me to start work in June.
Went for the job fair on Friday. Got a call on Friday. Scheduled for interview on following Thursday (went to Kenyir from Monday - Wednesday). Went in for interview on Thursday mid-morning. Nailed the job on the spot. Was requested to start early and in plain eagerness to join this awesome company, jumped in to agree to start in June.
I cannot say how much I regretted that 'yes, i can start in June' statement I made. I wished I could retract it back. But after 4 days there, I would say that I am thankful that I started in June. At least I am employed, I am keeping myself occupied and I am just plainly gonna absorb myself into the working world! Hooyah! Finally, Michelle is no longer a bum at home, sucking cash from family and bebe Sia Choon Howe ... hehe... I can smell independence (smell my 1st paycheck!)
Anyway, I was surprised that I nailed the job. Probably I was just too eager to start work and I just plainly loved the job. But I keep telling myself, 'no regrets now. Just concentrate on giving your best, your 1000% into everything you do. But do it respectfully. Do it right. Keep your head up high and not hide because of shame or that something wrong you do. Ask if you don't know. Smile and be friends with all. Lend a helping hand to those who needs. Guide those who are lost. Learn fast, learn smart. Blend in with the environment but at the same time learn to adapt to changes quickly'.
I am thankful that this job is something I want. Although I don't know what will happen in the future, but I want to have a fresh start. I want to go through life smoothly. I want to experience a life that I can one day tell my kids 'long long ago, before you were born'.... I really want to make a mark in my life. I want to draw something on my white sheet of paper. I want to experience the struggle and the successes and the depression of fighting for something I really want in life.
I want a career before I decide to one day have a child and devote full-time to bringing him/her up. And as long as that day has not come, I shall pursue in that something else that will bring me personal satisfaction; being independent and being able to afford things by myself.
And because all these were possible and it is growing, I am thankful....
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A good run....
I really couldn't ask for more.
A promotion, followed by a second salary increase. Both in the same year... this year.
Hard work does pay off when you're in the correct company, I guess...
But then again, with all that, comes added stress at work. I just missed an opportunity to watch Ip Man II with my bebe and her friends. I started work at 2.30am this morning, finishing only 15 minutes ago. Her movie was scheduled at 4.30pm.
Ah well, I'll just settle for CSI: Miami on AXN (the rerun of the episode where Calleigh got hurt up on the attic of the drug dealer's house).
Time to get back to the TV!!
A promotion, followed by a second salary increase. Both in the same year... this year.
Hard work does pay off when you're in the correct company, I guess...
But then again, with all that, comes added stress at work. I just missed an opportunity to watch Ip Man II with my bebe and her friends. I started work at 2.30am this morning, finishing only 15 minutes ago. Her movie was scheduled at 4.30pm.
Ah well, I'll just settle for CSI: Miami on AXN (the rerun of the episode where Calleigh got hurt up on the attic of the drug dealer's house).
Time to get back to the TV!!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Things to thank for
As I continue butchering myself for my incapability, I needed some truth that would at least levitate me back to my sane self. And I guess, I am also on the 'fairly gifted' page of people.
I may hate my Korean-looking eyes, but many beautiful eyed people would kill to have my 20/20 (or a little deteriorated) vision. At least swimming and snorkeling would not be such a pain, or even the process of wearing contact lenses.
I may wish for beautiful digital-permed hair, but many people are dying to have my so-called long, silky and straight hair. Although they don't know that I lose hair like no man's business. Anyway, who doesn't if it's this length?
I may complain about not being a Caucasian with white skin, but at least I do not suffer from eczema like my kid sis. Whenever I look at her dry-seasoned skin with red patches that looks so painful, I am thankful I need not douse that amount of lotion on my skin. Heck, I don't even use my lotion. It will always reach its expiry date before reaching 1/2 of the bottle.
I complain about not getting a scholarship when my STPM's GPA was 3.33 and when I went to University, I was shocked that many people whom I knew did not even manage a 3.0 and some didn't even get a second chance at University life after not being offered a place in a local University. My parents paid for my education in UCSI!
I complain about not being able to enjoy life and accepted the fact that I will forever be the strong woman that no men will ever love, He decides to send someone special over to me. I don't know if this is a good sign or His sense of humor is unfathomable.
I always complain about never being slim and beautiful enough to be a model. My model friend complains about the excessive make up that clogged her pores, hair spray that made her hair like a pile of hay stack. I complain about not being able to look good, she complain about squeezing her feet into 7-inch high heels for hours for stupid photoshoots at dangerous cliffs that may potentially end her life.
I always talk about the MENSA friends and how good they are in studies, my friend who flunked STPM told me 'hey, you're one year younger than us and you scored well in STPM, so cheer up man! I'll just go out to work I guess?"
I always hated those people who tells other people that Mass Communication students are stupid. Especially those studying Food Science and Biotechnology in UCSI. But my close friend told me this, 'you won't want to be like him. He failed one subject 4 times because he didn't work hard enough'. Yes, you can say that Mass Communication students are just not the best. But hey, not every Medical/Pharmacy/other science-based course student is good either. And in that way, I guess life's just fair.
I still hate the fact that I sweat like a guy. I cannot use a women's deodorant because it is just not strong enough. I hate the fact that my boyfriend never needed deodorant. I hate the fact that I sweat faster and more than most of my guy friends. I hate it that I will start stinking after a good run. But then again, I have friends who can go for jogs around for hours but fail to burn enough fats. They complain about how I can easily lose weight. They tell me how they wish they can sweat like me. But I guess, we will never be contented in the ways we were made?
But alas, life's short. I can continue hating myself for being ugly. Blame myself for having bad knee, back aches that will never heal, illnesses that surfaces all the time, gastric problem that threatens to burn a hole in my stomach or the endless headache that I get. I can continue to grumble and let life wither away. But I hold the key to changing it.
I don't know what it will be. But for these few minutes, I guess I will just keep myself happy with things that I am given. I'll try to smile and appreciate all I have...
I said I will try... No promises though...
I may hate my Korean-looking eyes, but many beautiful eyed people would kill to have my 20/20 (or a little deteriorated) vision. At least swimming and snorkeling would not be such a pain, or even the process of wearing contact lenses.
I may wish for beautiful digital-permed hair, but many people are dying to have my so-called long, silky and straight hair. Although they don't know that I lose hair like no man's business. Anyway, who doesn't if it's this length?
I may complain about not being a Caucasian with white skin, but at least I do not suffer from eczema like my kid sis. Whenever I look at her dry-seasoned skin with red patches that looks so painful, I am thankful I need not douse that amount of lotion on my skin. Heck, I don't even use my lotion. It will always reach its expiry date before reaching 1/2 of the bottle.
I complain about not getting a scholarship when my STPM's GPA was 3.33 and when I went to University, I was shocked that many people whom I knew did not even manage a 3.0 and some didn't even get a second chance at University life after not being offered a place in a local University. My parents paid for my education in UCSI!
I complain about not being able to enjoy life and accepted the fact that I will forever be the strong woman that no men will ever love, He decides to send someone special over to me. I don't know if this is a good sign or His sense of humor is unfathomable.
I always complain about never being slim and beautiful enough to be a model. My model friend complains about the excessive make up that clogged her pores, hair spray that made her hair like a pile of hay stack. I complain about not being able to look good, she complain about squeezing her feet into 7-inch high heels for hours for stupid photoshoots at dangerous cliffs that may potentially end her life.
I always talk about the MENSA friends and how good they are in studies, my friend who flunked STPM told me 'hey, you're one year younger than us and you scored well in STPM, so cheer up man! I'll just go out to work I guess?"
I always hated those people who tells other people that Mass Communication students are stupid. Especially those studying Food Science and Biotechnology in UCSI. But my close friend told me this, 'you won't want to be like him. He failed one subject 4 times because he didn't work hard enough'. Yes, you can say that Mass Communication students are just not the best. But hey, not every Medical/Pharmacy/other science-based course student is good either. And in that way, I guess life's just fair.
I still hate the fact that I sweat like a guy. I cannot use a women's deodorant because it is just not strong enough. I hate the fact that my boyfriend never needed deodorant. I hate the fact that I sweat faster and more than most of my guy friends. I hate it that I will start stinking after a good run. But then again, I have friends who can go for jogs around for hours but fail to burn enough fats. They complain about how I can easily lose weight. They tell me how they wish they can sweat like me. But I guess, we will never be contented in the ways we were made?
But alas, life's short. I can continue hating myself for being ugly. Blame myself for having bad knee, back aches that will never heal, illnesses that surfaces all the time, gastric problem that threatens to burn a hole in my stomach or the endless headache that I get. I can continue to grumble and let life wither away. But I hold the key to changing it.
I don't know what it will be. But for these few minutes, I guess I will just keep myself happy with things that I am given. I'll try to smile and appreciate all I have...
I said I will try... No promises though...
Sometimes I feel like crying...
Don't you have those moments too, when you sit down quietly at one corner and think of everything that's been happening, and suddenly you feel like crying?
I have those moments too. After all, we are only human.
Ever blamed your parents for bringing you into this cruel world? Not everyone did, but sometime in the past, I did. I hated my life, hated everything that was mine. Hated my EYES most.
But today, something overcome that hatred for these pair of small eyes.
Something that means more to me than my sight, hearing, sense of smell, touch and everything else I came perfectly equipped with. Someone special who appreciated me for who I am. And that someone who kept telling me why he loves me for me and not those flimsical whine I have always let out.
I still hate the way my eyes look. I went to Korea and the Koreans spoke to me in Korean. I hate my nose because I hate the way the pictures turn out when dumb photographers took pictures of me from the 'wrong' angle. I don't have a sharp and protruding nose.
But today, I am thankful. Thankful for that special someone who loves me for who I am, regardless of my physical ug-glee (remind yourself of GLEE and think of me, yes...) face, chubby face, fat pig's legs, cellulite problem and many more stuff.
He loves me for all those imperfection. And come to think about it, my magical parents love me for that too! I love you all!!
I am thankful from this day that whenever people talk of their problems, I guess I am just gonna thank Him above for being so fair and just. After all, we can't own the world.
I have those moments too. After all, we are only human.
Ever blamed your parents for bringing you into this cruel world? Not everyone did, but sometime in the past, I did. I hated my life, hated everything that was mine. Hated my EYES most.
But today, something overcome that hatred for these pair of small eyes.
Something that means more to me than my sight, hearing, sense of smell, touch and everything else I came perfectly equipped with. Someone special who appreciated me for who I am. And that someone who kept telling me why he loves me for me and not those flimsical whine I have always let out.
I still hate the way my eyes look. I went to Korea and the Koreans spoke to me in Korean. I hate my nose because I hate the way the pictures turn out when dumb photographers took pictures of me from the 'wrong' angle. I don't have a sharp and protruding nose.
But today, I am thankful. Thankful for that special someone who loves me for who I am, regardless of my physical ug-glee (remind yourself of GLEE and think of me, yes...) face, chubby face, fat pig's legs, cellulite problem and many more stuff.
He loves me for all those imperfection. And come to think about it, my magical parents love me for that too! I love you all!!
I am thankful from this day that whenever people talk of their problems, I guess I am just gonna thank Him above for being so fair and just. After all, we can't own the world.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
PEOPLE
I guess people are engineered to not be trusted.
Sometimes it just hurts, knowing that the person you once trusted suddenly decides to turn his/her back on you.
I feel like telling this one person, "Hey look. I already laid out the ground rules. You accepted it. And halfway in the race, you decided to turn tables on me instead because you cannot take it anymore. And now you're using trump cards against me when everything has already ended?"
It's just like, you are using your winning cards at the wrong time. You may have a Flush, or whatever winning cards you have in hand. But the game's over.
Manipulation of one's mind. It does not work forever. Somehow or rather, human beings are born to be stupid and smart at the same time.
But you know what? I guess I'm still going to be who I really am. I will still give you trust, I will still be a friend. I am sick of hating your guts. I am sick of sidelining you because I know that you're an arse. I know what things you can be capable of doing. I know of your ill intentions. Sometimes, I can read your expression like a book.
But I am trying my best to not let all these things deter me from being nice to you, like how I am nice to every other people I know. I want to be able to give that love, care and affection to fellow human kind like how others can show it to me. Fighting a losing battle? Not really....
Just need some strength and a lot of support, that's all...
Sometimes it just hurts, knowing that the person you once trusted suddenly decides to turn his/her back on you.
I feel like telling this one person, "Hey look. I already laid out the ground rules. You accepted it. And halfway in the race, you decided to turn tables on me instead because you cannot take it anymore. And now you're using trump cards against me when everything has already ended?"
It's just like, you are using your winning cards at the wrong time. You may have a Flush, or whatever winning cards you have in hand. But the game's over.
Manipulation of one's mind. It does not work forever. Somehow or rather, human beings are born to be stupid and smart at the same time.
But you know what? I guess I'm still going to be who I really am. I will still give you trust, I will still be a friend. I am sick of hating your guts. I am sick of sidelining you because I know that you're an arse. I know what things you can be capable of doing. I know of your ill intentions. Sometimes, I can read your expression like a book.
But I am trying my best to not let all these things deter me from being nice to you, like how I am nice to every other people I know. I want to be able to give that love, care and affection to fellow human kind like how others can show it to me. Fighting a losing battle? Not really....
Just need some strength and a lot of support, that's all...
Monday, May 3, 2010
My life, my happiness
After coming to terms with how life will always be a bitch to everyone, I guess I saw through life with my boyfriend and a good friend and pondered about how dangerous life and people could be towards one another.
Karma sounds like the kind of thing people always use against you to tell you of things you do. Normally under circumstances that do not favor them, even though most of the time these people dishing the word Karma out are the perpetrators themselves. I guess I've met a very big one myself and the scars remained and will always be there forever and ever amen.
Anyway, I am glad that most of this episode is over although I know that that black shadow haunting my conscience will always be a deterring factor. But it is entirely up to me if I want to let it deter me from reaching greater heights.
And I've only some short stuff to say to that person who is trying to plan out something to benefit only himself: we hope your plans do not succeed, especially if you have ill-intent. Please do not be a crawler...
Please do not be angry or upset that you cannot match another person and take your anger and frustration out on others.
And for those who have always been here for me, thanks.
And for those still plotting revenge and hoping to strike it hard, please spare the living and channel your anger and convert it into some other energy to be used. Take a hike, swim or dive into the ocean. After looking at such beautiful life we have, do you still think you want to be a revengeful soul?
Everyone makes mistakes. And maturity is what distinguishes us from being a child and being an adult.
Sounds corny, but as how one gives his love and trust freely to you, reciprocate and pay it forward. Pave a life of goodness and kindness based on how we all wish the world can be kind to us. Love one another, care for one another. Find that inner conscience, that human heart that distinguishes us from our fellow living creatures on Earth.
I am thankful that I have supportive friends who loves me for myself. And a wonderful boyfriend whom I can tell him anything and everything..
To Matt:
Thank you for everything. Thank you for being a therapeutic listening ear whenever I needed one. Thank you for always spending time to make me happy even though it deprieves you of good sleeping hours. Thank you for always doing more to show that you love me. Thank you for sacrificing and doing things for me when I couldn't, even up to the extent of taking care of all laundry woes and cleaning the house up. Thank you for always trying to give me the best and working harder in order to provide the best for me. Thank you also, for the most important thing in life: Your unending love, care and attention. You gave me room to grow and you never restricted me, but instead guided me with a gentle touch and silently telling me how to do better. You give me my freedom to achieve what I can and encourage me so that I may do better. You never hamper me, rail or scream at me but gave encouraging words. You took in all the sadness and never once gave it to me. You swallowed all the pain and agony of my temper and made me realize that anger is not the way for me to vent my frustration. You showed me things that I failed to see and you made me a better person.
Thank you for everything you've done all these while. I love you and I will continue to love you forever and ever.
Karma sounds like the kind of thing people always use against you to tell you of things you do. Normally under circumstances that do not favor them, even though most of the time these people dishing the word Karma out are the perpetrators themselves. I guess I've met a very big one myself and the scars remained and will always be there forever and ever amen.
Anyway, I am glad that most of this episode is over although I know that that black shadow haunting my conscience will always be a deterring factor. But it is entirely up to me if I want to let it deter me from reaching greater heights.
And I've only some short stuff to say to that person who is trying to plan out something to benefit only himself: we hope your plans do not succeed, especially if you have ill-intent. Please do not be a crawler...
Please do not be angry or upset that you cannot match another person and take your anger and frustration out on others.
And for those who have always been here for me, thanks.
And for those still plotting revenge and hoping to strike it hard, please spare the living and channel your anger and convert it into some other energy to be used. Take a hike, swim or dive into the ocean. After looking at such beautiful life we have, do you still think you want to be a revengeful soul?
Everyone makes mistakes. And maturity is what distinguishes us from being a child and being an adult.
Sounds corny, but as how one gives his love and trust freely to you, reciprocate and pay it forward. Pave a life of goodness and kindness based on how we all wish the world can be kind to us. Love one another, care for one another. Find that inner conscience, that human heart that distinguishes us from our fellow living creatures on Earth.
I am thankful that I have supportive friends who loves me for myself. And a wonderful boyfriend whom I can tell him anything and everything..
To Matt:
Thank you for everything. Thank you for being a therapeutic listening ear whenever I needed one. Thank you for always spending time to make me happy even though it deprieves you of good sleeping hours. Thank you for always doing more to show that you love me. Thank you for sacrificing and doing things for me when I couldn't, even up to the extent of taking care of all laundry woes and cleaning the house up. Thank you for always trying to give me the best and working harder in order to provide the best for me. Thank you also, for the most important thing in life: Your unending love, care and attention. You gave me room to grow and you never restricted me, but instead guided me with a gentle touch and silently telling me how to do better. You give me my freedom to achieve what I can and encourage me so that I may do better. You never hamper me, rail or scream at me but gave encouraging words. You took in all the sadness and never once gave it to me. You swallowed all the pain and agony of my temper and made me realize that anger is not the way for me to vent my frustration. You showed me things that I failed to see and you made me a better person.
Thank you for everything you've done all these while. I love you and I will continue to love you forever and ever.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Oxymoronically speaking....
Truth be told, we lie!
Wow, I have never lied ever in my life. You are so pretty!!!
Anyway, thank you for a wonderful meal at your place. I love being around here. I guess I've gotta head back home now...
Aww, you poor thing. You deserve to fall down since you didn't heed my advice to not climb that tree.....
Hahahahaha.... I lied again!
Wow, I have never lied ever in my life. You are so pretty!!!
Anyway, thank you for a wonderful meal at your place. I love being around here. I guess I've gotta head back home now...
Aww, you poor thing. You deserve to fall down since you didn't heed my advice to not climb that tree.....
Hahahahaha.... I lied again!
6 months....
No, its not what you THINK it is....
6 months of pain and agony, not because of the thought of having another human in your belly that makes you puke in the morning.
Thank goodness, it is not! Hahaha....
But yes, pain and agony of going through something I didn't even understand. And 6 months is an understatement. It started from September 09 till now. Heck, I don't even know how to count!
I've been spending time thinking about how our lives could become in the future based on the choices we make now. And as usual, there are consequences. But I guess nobody needs a consistent reminder on a daily basis when it comes to accountability and responsibility of a human being.
Since September 2009, I guess I have just seen the chameleons in many people. I wonder if Chia Sin, Jin Li and Chuii Khim remembers my "Walk Like A Chameleon" book that I had. The yellow/green book that tells us about our personalities....
When I thought about it yesterday after having a chat with a friend, it daunted me on how human beings are just not worthy of being trusted. Even after you give your trust to them. And gosh, am I ashamed to say that more often than not, its the WOMEN who does it again and again.
No wonder why femme fatale movies never worked for me in the first place! Ptui!!!
But back to the topic of my 6 months ++ of agony. I had this pain of trying to sound 'level headed' when in actual fact, I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want my kids to be mediocre. I want them to be as weird, wacky and crazy as possible. I want them to see things from a different perspective. And you're right my friend, as we grow up, we 'learn' to be uncreative.
After all, people get killed because of their 'ununiformed manners', they are prosecuted for their creativity, they are sacrificed because they can potentially shift the balance of the world.
And all because of the choices that person made in life!
How powerful can our choice be? Besides, not making a stand/choice is also a choice! I hate multiple choice questions. Damn.... And in life, I believe that there's only black and white. Grey area makes it difficult for us but sometimes, to side our little hearts, we use the 'grey' area to fight a losing battle even though we know it is not right.
I've thus learnt that, human beings are made to lie. Whether it is our expression through verbal communication, written, facial expression, body language, or even the fact that we withhold some truth in order to stay out of trouble (or even trying to NOT KNOW ANYTHING), we've lied.
How powerful can lies be?
Very powerful..... One small white lie can lead to a history book of lies. And imagine, all my life I've been reading so much about lies from my books. And yes, although lies are just a matter of perception, this will not happen if we use black/white to justify our every action and not the 'grey' area that we make-believe to exist. And I am working on one that can potentially break everything in life but then again, life's nothing without experiments. Let's make it work, shall we?
Now, I guess Schizophrenics are not that bad after all. We normal citizens do 'imagine' things that are not there too! We choose to be 'delusional' and say things that never happened, making our friends believe.
And yes.. Now I can be who I want to be. Lets continue the story that's been laid out!!!
6 months of pain and agony, not because of the thought of having another human in your belly that makes you puke in the morning.
Thank goodness, it is not! Hahaha....
But yes, pain and agony of going through something I didn't even understand. And 6 months is an understatement. It started from September 09 till now. Heck, I don't even know how to count!
I've been spending time thinking about how our lives could become in the future based on the choices we make now. And as usual, there are consequences. But I guess nobody needs a consistent reminder on a daily basis when it comes to accountability and responsibility of a human being.
Since September 2009, I guess I have just seen the chameleons in many people. I wonder if Chia Sin, Jin Li and Chuii Khim remembers my "Walk Like A Chameleon" book that I had. The yellow/green book that tells us about our personalities....
When I thought about it yesterday after having a chat with a friend, it daunted me on how human beings are just not worthy of being trusted. Even after you give your trust to them. And gosh, am I ashamed to say that more often than not, its the WOMEN who does it again and again.
No wonder why femme fatale movies never worked for me in the first place! Ptui!!!
But back to the topic of my 6 months ++ of agony. I had this pain of trying to sound 'level headed' when in actual fact, I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want my kids to be mediocre. I want them to be as weird, wacky and crazy as possible. I want them to see things from a different perspective. And you're right my friend, as we grow up, we 'learn' to be uncreative.
After all, people get killed because of their 'ununiformed manners', they are prosecuted for their creativity, they are sacrificed because they can potentially shift the balance of the world.
And all because of the choices that person made in life!
How powerful can our choice be? Besides, not making a stand/choice is also a choice! I hate multiple choice questions. Damn.... And in life, I believe that there's only black and white. Grey area makes it difficult for us but sometimes, to side our little hearts, we use the 'grey' area to fight a losing battle even though we know it is not right.
I've thus learnt that, human beings are made to lie. Whether it is our expression through verbal communication, written, facial expression, body language, or even the fact that we withhold some truth in order to stay out of trouble (or even trying to NOT KNOW ANYTHING), we've lied.
How powerful can lies be?
Very powerful..... One small white lie can lead to a history book of lies. And imagine, all my life I've been reading so much about lies from my books. And yes, although lies are just a matter of perception, this will not happen if we use black/white to justify our every action and not the 'grey' area that we make-believe to exist. And I am working on one that can potentially break everything in life but then again, life's nothing without experiments. Let's make it work, shall we?
Now, I guess Schizophrenics are not that bad after all. We normal citizens do 'imagine' things that are not there too! We choose to be 'delusional' and say things that never happened, making our friends believe.
And yes.. Now I can be who I want to be. Lets continue the story that's been laid out!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Of Trusting and Expecting to be given Trust...
Had any conversations with anyone recently about the matter called 'trust'?
I had...
I had a friend I knew since primany school. She was my best friend. I still consider her my 'very good friend' although I threw out that terminology called 'best friend' ever since I was 15. But something in my heart just knocked my head so hard, I couldn't sleep that night.
Dee, as what I called her last time, used to be this puny little kid with big red glasses. Always running around and apparently, according to others, she is 'irritating'. Being a good friend of hers, I could get along with her. Probably because both of us are 'skippers', or they called us the PTS kids. First batch and always proud to be ONE!!
At that time, we all had nothing to lose. But everything else to gain when we give people our trust and hope that they will in return, trust us. It paid off. And those were the years we went through, with people hating our guts and some plainly out of jealousy that we did better than them during exams even though i spent 50% of my time crying in class after being bullied and she runs around irritating others. Naah.. to me she is just having fun. But to those who kena kacau, i don't know la..
Years passed. We all moved on in life. And when i looked back in time and thought about the 'i trust you, so do you think you can trust me' time we all used to have when we were kids, I wonder if our fattened EGOs have made us selfish, unrelentlessly trying to squeeze every drop of humaneness from another person and refuse to trust a person until that person proves to you that he/she can be trusted?
For a person to trust you, shouldn't you let them know that you are willing to trust him/her and give them their needed space to work?
But no... Some bloated and proud man once said, "Do I trust you, uh?" and it was in my face. I will never forget that day I stepped into his office. And I swore upon my death that I will never have anything to do with that kind of a boss ever in my life. And maybe I spoke too soon that time, I had a few like that after that anyway. Fated or cursed, for you to decide. But I guess, experience made me realize that people, with a lot of successes and a lot of "Yeah, I did it MYSELF" instances will make them over-proud.
And they don't know how it hurts those people who really need to be trusted, because everyone reacts differently to different situation. Its not that we don't want to be loyal to you but sometimes, we just need that trust and space to do things. Without that, many people suffer from burnout, lack of space to work, being hawked and they spend more time worrying about 'what will happen if this or that happens?', or worst could ever happen is the fact that they were not given a chance to fail, fall flat on their faces and stand up and continue the fight.
Like it or not, its BECAUSE OF THAT, and that very tough reason, it made job hopping more rampant. And don't you just love the Americans who have been serving those American companies for over 20 years or all their lives? First job = last job?
I want to have that too. But at the rate my beloved country is going, I somehow feel that our lives are somehow being dictated by the few people and when they have favoritism going on, we can all kiss goodbye to our hardwork and our willingness to do a job.
Somehow or rather, we just need to be given our trust. After all, have we forgotten those who gave us theirs in the first place?
I had...
I had a friend I knew since primany school. She was my best friend. I still consider her my 'very good friend' although I threw out that terminology called 'best friend' ever since I was 15. But something in my heart just knocked my head so hard, I couldn't sleep that night.
Dee, as what I called her last time, used to be this puny little kid with big red glasses. Always running around and apparently, according to others, she is 'irritating'. Being a good friend of hers, I could get along with her. Probably because both of us are 'skippers', or they called us the PTS kids. First batch and always proud to be ONE!!
At that time, we all had nothing to lose. But everything else to gain when we give people our trust and hope that they will in return, trust us. It paid off. And those were the years we went through, with people hating our guts and some plainly out of jealousy that we did better than them during exams even though i spent 50% of my time crying in class after being bullied and she runs around irritating others. Naah.. to me she is just having fun. But to those who kena kacau, i don't know la..
Years passed. We all moved on in life. And when i looked back in time and thought about the 'i trust you, so do you think you can trust me' time we all used to have when we were kids, I wonder if our fattened EGOs have made us selfish, unrelentlessly trying to squeeze every drop of humaneness from another person and refuse to trust a person until that person proves to you that he/she can be trusted?
For a person to trust you, shouldn't you let them know that you are willing to trust him/her and give them their needed space to work?
But no... Some bloated and proud man once said, "Do I trust you, uh?" and it was in my face. I will never forget that day I stepped into his office. And I swore upon my death that I will never have anything to do with that kind of a boss ever in my life. And maybe I spoke too soon that time, I had a few like that after that anyway. Fated or cursed, for you to decide. But I guess, experience made me realize that people, with a lot of successes and a lot of "Yeah, I did it MYSELF" instances will make them over-proud.
And they don't know how it hurts those people who really need to be trusted, because everyone reacts differently to different situation. Its not that we don't want to be loyal to you but sometimes, we just need that trust and space to do things. Without that, many people suffer from burnout, lack of space to work, being hawked and they spend more time worrying about 'what will happen if this or that happens?', or worst could ever happen is the fact that they were not given a chance to fail, fall flat on their faces and stand up and continue the fight.
Like it or not, its BECAUSE OF THAT, and that very tough reason, it made job hopping more rampant. And don't you just love the Americans who have been serving those American companies for over 20 years or all their lives? First job = last job?
I want to have that too. But at the rate my beloved country is going, I somehow feel that our lives are somehow being dictated by the few people and when they have favoritism going on, we can all kiss goodbye to our hardwork and our willingness to do a job.
Somehow or rather, we just need to be given our trust. After all, have we forgotten those who gave us theirs in the first place?
we all lie, really!
Ever thought for a moment that we've not been lying to people who means a lot to us? Or probably believed that in your entire life, you have not lied?
Look no further than yourself when you accuse someone else of lying.
Years and years of being a human being teaches us all to say what we know we can say and reserve some other thoughts to ourselves. Rather than just classifying it as 'my own thoughts, i have my rights to it' and keep fighting for your own innocence won't help. Even a young child knows how to lie!
I remember once, a young child back then, my friend appeared in school with a lot of cuts and bruises. When asked about how SHE (yes, being from a girl's school, you won't normally see such a sight) got all those, but she told her teacher "saya jatuh dari bukit semasa ambil air dari pili atas bukit". And at that time, we never thought children would lie.
As i looked back, I realized that this friend of mine had all the while been keeping silent about the domestic abuse she suffered since she was born. Always with the excuse of 'selalu jatuh bukit' or 'tersepak batu semasa lari' although once she did demonstrate how she got a big cut, she fell in school! But i knew (my poor friends, we were too young we didn't talk about it at all and most of them don't even remember her now!)
I wonder how this friend is doing. But anyway, lets go back to the idea of "we all lie too, seriously!"
In our everyday lives, be it school, college, work, back at home or anywhere else, we just cannot control ourselves to stop lying. Remember those times we reserved our thoughts about that one gangster-looking man walking around with a parang, and when he talked to us, we just replied with a smile and a 'heh-heh' laugh? Oh, yeah.. not everyone's from Johor Bahru. Yeah, you won't want to wind down your car window and give an 'international sign' to them. You might be torched to death by that 'i don't know who he is but he sure looks like a road bully to me'.
We lie to our parents, especially when we were young and needed money. Some needed it more desperately than others, some just plainly had rich parents who gave them endless supply they needn't lie. But point being, remember those times you conned your parents of that extra 50 sen? Or asked them if you could get some more pocket money to buy this this and that only to end up spending on things you know will displease them? And then later, 'pakat' with your siblings to keep from your parents?
Or those times your boss screams at you and tells you off, doesn't give you face at all and expects you to smile and thank him for scolding you? In your heart you already feel like jumping across and strangling his double-chinned neck and kick him in the nuts so hard he can never reproduce, but you just have to bite your lips and show that you actually feel thankful. Don't you think that keeping that in your heart is equally as good as using your facial expression, verbal communication and whatever not communications we human beings are capable of emitting, to just LIE our way out of a situation?
We lie. FULLSTOP. Whether it is a white lie, serious lie, black lie etc. Come on, the media lies too! Advertisements lie too. And who does all these? Normal human beings like you and me. We know that it is human nature to lie. We KNOW what people like, what people want to hear, what will make him or her tick and what will really make them interested. But too bad, nobody shares the same opinion.
But the entire bottomline is this. Key to survival and being liked on this planet is to LIE. And don't you think that your best friend who appears so good to you may actually be secretly planning your downfall in the future? Nobody knows.
Trust is something hard to come by. So do not expect people to give you his or her trust but rather, give them their needed trust. I'll come to that topic soon...
Lies are lies. Yes, they can never be the truth. Half-truth is also considered a fib, a lie. But we are not given the full autonomy to decide if lies are indeed good or bad. Doctors sometimes have to lie too, especially if the patient has already gone through a lot. When you see someone who have just lost a loved one, you will go up to them and tell them lies like, "I know that your *whoever* is already with God" when the truth is, how sure are we? It is still a lie nevertheless because it is considered 'baseless'. Baseless, especially for non-believers and people who are bent on finding out something only by experiencing or seeing it happen. For me, i rather go with, 'my condolences. your *whoever* will be upset to see you so sad' which sounds more humanly. But at the end of the day, is that statement true? We will never know.
And it is still considered a lie, even though i hate to admit it. We should use ONE yardstick for all things in life. But with randomness in life, we are forced to use different yardsticks for different situations. And by nature, human beings want the best for themselves. We are born selfish. Therefore we cannot...
Bottomline: We all lie. Really.
Look no further than yourself when you accuse someone else of lying.
Years and years of being a human being teaches us all to say what we know we can say and reserve some other thoughts to ourselves. Rather than just classifying it as 'my own thoughts, i have my rights to it' and keep fighting for your own innocence won't help. Even a young child knows how to lie!
I remember once, a young child back then, my friend appeared in school with a lot of cuts and bruises. When asked about how SHE (yes, being from a girl's school, you won't normally see such a sight) got all those, but she told her teacher "saya jatuh dari bukit semasa ambil air dari pili atas bukit". And at that time, we never thought children would lie.
As i looked back, I realized that this friend of mine had all the while been keeping silent about the domestic abuse she suffered since she was born. Always with the excuse of 'selalu jatuh bukit' or 'tersepak batu semasa lari' although once she did demonstrate how she got a big cut, she fell in school! But i knew (my poor friends, we were too young we didn't talk about it at all and most of them don't even remember her now!)
I wonder how this friend is doing. But anyway, lets go back to the idea of "we all lie too, seriously!"
In our everyday lives, be it school, college, work, back at home or anywhere else, we just cannot control ourselves to stop lying. Remember those times we reserved our thoughts about that one gangster-looking man walking around with a parang, and when he talked to us, we just replied with a smile and a 'heh-heh' laugh? Oh, yeah.. not everyone's from Johor Bahru. Yeah, you won't want to wind down your car window and give an 'international sign' to them. You might be torched to death by that 'i don't know who he is but he sure looks like a road bully to me'.
We lie to our parents, especially when we were young and needed money. Some needed it more desperately than others, some just plainly had rich parents who gave them endless supply they needn't lie. But point being, remember those times you conned your parents of that extra 50 sen? Or asked them if you could get some more pocket money to buy this this and that only to end up spending on things you know will displease them? And then later, 'pakat' with your siblings to keep from your parents?
Or those times your boss screams at you and tells you off, doesn't give you face at all and expects you to smile and thank him for scolding you? In your heart you already feel like jumping across and strangling his double-chinned neck and kick him in the nuts so hard he can never reproduce, but you just have to bite your lips and show that you actually feel thankful. Don't you think that keeping that in your heart is equally as good as using your facial expression, verbal communication and whatever not communications we human beings are capable of emitting, to just LIE our way out of a situation?
We lie. FULLSTOP. Whether it is a white lie, serious lie, black lie etc. Come on, the media lies too! Advertisements lie too. And who does all these? Normal human beings like you and me. We know that it is human nature to lie. We KNOW what people like, what people want to hear, what will make him or her tick and what will really make them interested. But too bad, nobody shares the same opinion.
But the entire bottomline is this. Key to survival and being liked on this planet is to LIE. And don't you think that your best friend who appears so good to you may actually be secretly planning your downfall in the future? Nobody knows.
Trust is something hard to come by. So do not expect people to give you his or her trust but rather, give them their needed trust. I'll come to that topic soon...
Lies are lies. Yes, they can never be the truth. Half-truth is also considered a fib, a lie. But we are not given the full autonomy to decide if lies are indeed good or bad. Doctors sometimes have to lie too, especially if the patient has already gone through a lot. When you see someone who have just lost a loved one, you will go up to them and tell them lies like, "I know that your *whoever* is already with God" when the truth is, how sure are we? It is still a lie nevertheless because it is considered 'baseless'. Baseless, especially for non-believers and people who are bent on finding out something only by experiencing or seeing it happen. For me, i rather go with, 'my condolences. your *whoever* will be upset to see you so sad' which sounds more humanly. But at the end of the day, is that statement true? We will never know.
And it is still considered a lie, even though i hate to admit it. We should use ONE yardstick for all things in life. But with randomness in life, we are forced to use different yardsticks for different situations. And by nature, human beings want the best for themselves. We are born selfish. Therefore we cannot...
Bottomline: We all lie. Really.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Teaching: Part II
Teaching, as other professions have ups and downs in the course of doing 'what's right'.
Teaching for almost a year now, I can't help but to think about the wonderful consequences if we were to just give a child a smack across the face if they become severely intolerable and their parents, after you call them, tell you "his/her class is not over yet. Let him/her sit at the chair quietly till the time comes. We are shopping now."
What will you do?
Or get a more challenging class like mine on Sunday evenings where my 2 ever-smart and over witty students start chattering about 1001 things adults will talk about. You'd get a smacking class, with a lot of laughter, awe and wonder at how young 7 and 9 year old children could tell you things you only discovered in University. Gosh, I feel so inadequately educated when I am with them.
Or try this....
Have a student talking to you and other children about RELIGION.
I know, in Malaysia it is very tacky to talk about one's religion. But there's a 6 year old arabian student (who surprisingly spoke quite good, albeit the Terminator 'twang' English) who asked one of my students if she was a Muslim. When the other student said she was not, this little girl said, "bad things will happen to you... You'll see"
Okay, get that?
6 years old talking like an adult and telling you about religion? And worse still, she talked to the 9 year old who had a habit of being extremely sarcastic. Being a teacher there, I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her to shut up? Or agree with her? Or just act like I didn't hear anything?
I didn't do any of those 3. Decided to interrogate her about her 'idea' about how she knew that. At first, she kept on saying, 'you'll know in the future'. Hello? 6 years old talking like that? What's up with our generation of kids, or what's wrong with this generation of kids? She kept on repeating till another student probed, "what'll happen next?" and the little girl said, "You'll die in hell".
Gosh.... What was I supposed to say now? I took the third. Silence. But my rebellious student, she replied, "So I am a Hindu and I am definitely dying in Hell". *Note her sarcasm, being only 9 years old*
What will you do if you are in my position?
I have no idea what religion is 'superior' than another. I am not a judge in such a thing, and this entire thing falls into the GREY area of life that nobody has an answer and everybody wants to have a say and agree that their religion is the best. And when kids are involved in such debates at the table I am teaching, what do I do? Do i just keep quiet and let them argue, talk sense into them or just let them keep their ideas and break up the fight, only to let the animosity grow?
I don't know...
Till now, I really want to know what is the best way to solve this problem. But I guess nobody will be able to tell me the best. After all, with different actions, different reactions will unfold.
But I am thankful that I passed that dreaded hour, told the parents of the children what happened and hoped that their parents will know what's right to tell their children.....
Now, whoever said teaching children is as easy as child's play? Teaching Algebra to university students sound more like an easy job!
Teaching for almost a year now, I can't help but to think about the wonderful consequences if we were to just give a child a smack across the face if they become severely intolerable and their parents, after you call them, tell you "his/her class is not over yet. Let him/her sit at the chair quietly till the time comes. We are shopping now."
What will you do?
Or get a more challenging class like mine on Sunday evenings where my 2 ever-smart and over witty students start chattering about 1001 things adults will talk about. You'd get a smacking class, with a lot of laughter, awe and wonder at how young 7 and 9 year old children could tell you things you only discovered in University. Gosh, I feel so inadequately educated when I am with them.
Or try this....
Have a student talking to you and other children about RELIGION.
I know, in Malaysia it is very tacky to talk about one's religion. But there's a 6 year old arabian student (who surprisingly spoke quite good, albeit the Terminator 'twang' English) who asked one of my students if she was a Muslim. When the other student said she was not, this little girl said, "bad things will happen to you... You'll see"
Okay, get that?
6 years old talking like an adult and telling you about religion? And worse still, she talked to the 9 year old who had a habit of being extremely sarcastic. Being a teacher there, I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her to shut up? Or agree with her? Or just act like I didn't hear anything?
I didn't do any of those 3. Decided to interrogate her about her 'idea' about how she knew that. At first, she kept on saying, 'you'll know in the future'. Hello? 6 years old talking like that? What's up with our generation of kids, or what's wrong with this generation of kids? She kept on repeating till another student probed, "what'll happen next?" and the little girl said, "You'll die in hell".
Gosh.... What was I supposed to say now? I took the third. Silence. But my rebellious student, she replied, "So I am a Hindu and I am definitely dying in Hell". *Note her sarcasm, being only 9 years old*
What will you do if you are in my position?
I have no idea what religion is 'superior' than another. I am not a judge in such a thing, and this entire thing falls into the GREY area of life that nobody has an answer and everybody wants to have a say and agree that their religion is the best. And when kids are involved in such debates at the table I am teaching, what do I do? Do i just keep quiet and let them argue, talk sense into them or just let them keep their ideas and break up the fight, only to let the animosity grow?
I don't know...
Till now, I really want to know what is the best way to solve this problem. But I guess nobody will be able to tell me the best. After all, with different actions, different reactions will unfold.
But I am thankful that I passed that dreaded hour, told the parents of the children what happened and hoped that their parents will know what's right to tell their children.....
Now, whoever said teaching children is as easy as child's play? Teaching Algebra to university students sound more like an easy job!
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