Truth be told, we lie!
Wow, I have never lied ever in my life. You are so pretty!!!
Anyway, thank you for a wonderful meal at your place. I love being around here. I guess I've gotta head back home now...
Aww, you poor thing. You deserve to fall down since you didn't heed my advice to not climb that tree.....
Hahahahaha.... I lied again!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
6 months....
No, its not what you THINK it is....
6 months of pain and agony, not because of the thought of having another human in your belly that makes you puke in the morning.
Thank goodness, it is not! Hahaha....
But yes, pain and agony of going through something I didn't even understand. And 6 months is an understatement. It started from September 09 till now. Heck, I don't even know how to count!
I've been spending time thinking about how our lives could become in the future based on the choices we make now. And as usual, there are consequences. But I guess nobody needs a consistent reminder on a daily basis when it comes to accountability and responsibility of a human being.
Since September 2009, I guess I have just seen the chameleons in many people. I wonder if Chia Sin, Jin Li and Chuii Khim remembers my "Walk Like A Chameleon" book that I had. The yellow/green book that tells us about our personalities....
When I thought about it yesterday after having a chat with a friend, it daunted me on how human beings are just not worthy of being trusted. Even after you give your trust to them. And gosh, am I ashamed to say that more often than not, its the WOMEN who does it again and again.
No wonder why femme fatale movies never worked for me in the first place! Ptui!!!
But back to the topic of my 6 months ++ of agony. I had this pain of trying to sound 'level headed' when in actual fact, I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want my kids to be mediocre. I want them to be as weird, wacky and crazy as possible. I want them to see things from a different perspective. And you're right my friend, as we grow up, we 'learn' to be uncreative.
After all, people get killed because of their 'ununiformed manners', they are prosecuted for their creativity, they are sacrificed because they can potentially shift the balance of the world.
And all because of the choices that person made in life!
How powerful can our choice be? Besides, not making a stand/choice is also a choice! I hate multiple choice questions. Damn.... And in life, I believe that there's only black and white. Grey area makes it difficult for us but sometimes, to side our little hearts, we use the 'grey' area to fight a losing battle even though we know it is not right.
I've thus learnt that, human beings are made to lie. Whether it is our expression through verbal communication, written, facial expression, body language, or even the fact that we withhold some truth in order to stay out of trouble (or even trying to NOT KNOW ANYTHING), we've lied.
How powerful can lies be?
Very powerful..... One small white lie can lead to a history book of lies. And imagine, all my life I've been reading so much about lies from my books. And yes, although lies are just a matter of perception, this will not happen if we use black/white to justify our every action and not the 'grey' area that we make-believe to exist. And I am working on one that can potentially break everything in life but then again, life's nothing without experiments. Let's make it work, shall we?
Now, I guess Schizophrenics are not that bad after all. We normal citizens do 'imagine' things that are not there too! We choose to be 'delusional' and say things that never happened, making our friends believe.
And yes.. Now I can be who I want to be. Lets continue the story that's been laid out!!!
6 months of pain and agony, not because of the thought of having another human in your belly that makes you puke in the morning.
Thank goodness, it is not! Hahaha....
But yes, pain and agony of going through something I didn't even understand. And 6 months is an understatement. It started from September 09 till now. Heck, I don't even know how to count!
I've been spending time thinking about how our lives could become in the future based on the choices we make now. And as usual, there are consequences. But I guess nobody needs a consistent reminder on a daily basis when it comes to accountability and responsibility of a human being.
Since September 2009, I guess I have just seen the chameleons in many people. I wonder if Chia Sin, Jin Li and Chuii Khim remembers my "Walk Like A Chameleon" book that I had. The yellow/green book that tells us about our personalities....
When I thought about it yesterday after having a chat with a friend, it daunted me on how human beings are just not worthy of being trusted. Even after you give your trust to them. And gosh, am I ashamed to say that more often than not, its the WOMEN who does it again and again.
No wonder why femme fatale movies never worked for me in the first place! Ptui!!!
But back to the topic of my 6 months ++ of agony. I had this pain of trying to sound 'level headed' when in actual fact, I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want my kids to be mediocre. I want them to be as weird, wacky and crazy as possible. I want them to see things from a different perspective. And you're right my friend, as we grow up, we 'learn' to be uncreative.
After all, people get killed because of their 'ununiformed manners', they are prosecuted for their creativity, they are sacrificed because they can potentially shift the balance of the world.
And all because of the choices that person made in life!
How powerful can our choice be? Besides, not making a stand/choice is also a choice! I hate multiple choice questions. Damn.... And in life, I believe that there's only black and white. Grey area makes it difficult for us but sometimes, to side our little hearts, we use the 'grey' area to fight a losing battle even though we know it is not right.
I've thus learnt that, human beings are made to lie. Whether it is our expression through verbal communication, written, facial expression, body language, or even the fact that we withhold some truth in order to stay out of trouble (or even trying to NOT KNOW ANYTHING), we've lied.
How powerful can lies be?
Very powerful..... One small white lie can lead to a history book of lies. And imagine, all my life I've been reading so much about lies from my books. And yes, although lies are just a matter of perception, this will not happen if we use black/white to justify our every action and not the 'grey' area that we make-believe to exist. And I am working on one that can potentially break everything in life but then again, life's nothing without experiments. Let's make it work, shall we?
Now, I guess Schizophrenics are not that bad after all. We normal citizens do 'imagine' things that are not there too! We choose to be 'delusional' and say things that never happened, making our friends believe.
And yes.. Now I can be who I want to be. Lets continue the story that's been laid out!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Of Trusting and Expecting to be given Trust...
Had any conversations with anyone recently about the matter called 'trust'?
I had...
I had a friend I knew since primany school. She was my best friend. I still consider her my 'very good friend' although I threw out that terminology called 'best friend' ever since I was 15. But something in my heart just knocked my head so hard, I couldn't sleep that night.
Dee, as what I called her last time, used to be this puny little kid with big red glasses. Always running around and apparently, according to others, she is 'irritating'. Being a good friend of hers, I could get along with her. Probably because both of us are 'skippers', or they called us the PTS kids. First batch and always proud to be ONE!!
At that time, we all had nothing to lose. But everything else to gain when we give people our trust and hope that they will in return, trust us. It paid off. And those were the years we went through, with people hating our guts and some plainly out of jealousy that we did better than them during exams even though i spent 50% of my time crying in class after being bullied and she runs around irritating others. Naah.. to me she is just having fun. But to those who kena kacau, i don't know la..
Years passed. We all moved on in life. And when i looked back in time and thought about the 'i trust you, so do you think you can trust me' time we all used to have when we were kids, I wonder if our fattened EGOs have made us selfish, unrelentlessly trying to squeeze every drop of humaneness from another person and refuse to trust a person until that person proves to you that he/she can be trusted?
For a person to trust you, shouldn't you let them know that you are willing to trust him/her and give them their needed space to work?
But no... Some bloated and proud man once said, "Do I trust you, uh?" and it was in my face. I will never forget that day I stepped into his office. And I swore upon my death that I will never have anything to do with that kind of a boss ever in my life. And maybe I spoke too soon that time, I had a few like that after that anyway. Fated or cursed, for you to decide. But I guess, experience made me realize that people, with a lot of successes and a lot of "Yeah, I did it MYSELF" instances will make them over-proud.
And they don't know how it hurts those people who really need to be trusted, because everyone reacts differently to different situation. Its not that we don't want to be loyal to you but sometimes, we just need that trust and space to do things. Without that, many people suffer from burnout, lack of space to work, being hawked and they spend more time worrying about 'what will happen if this or that happens?', or worst could ever happen is the fact that they were not given a chance to fail, fall flat on their faces and stand up and continue the fight.
Like it or not, its BECAUSE OF THAT, and that very tough reason, it made job hopping more rampant. And don't you just love the Americans who have been serving those American companies for over 20 years or all their lives? First job = last job?
I want to have that too. But at the rate my beloved country is going, I somehow feel that our lives are somehow being dictated by the few people and when they have favoritism going on, we can all kiss goodbye to our hardwork and our willingness to do a job.
Somehow or rather, we just need to be given our trust. After all, have we forgotten those who gave us theirs in the first place?
I had...
I had a friend I knew since primany school. She was my best friend. I still consider her my 'very good friend' although I threw out that terminology called 'best friend' ever since I was 15. But something in my heart just knocked my head so hard, I couldn't sleep that night.
Dee, as what I called her last time, used to be this puny little kid with big red glasses. Always running around and apparently, according to others, she is 'irritating'. Being a good friend of hers, I could get along with her. Probably because both of us are 'skippers', or they called us the PTS kids. First batch and always proud to be ONE!!
At that time, we all had nothing to lose. But everything else to gain when we give people our trust and hope that they will in return, trust us. It paid off. And those were the years we went through, with people hating our guts and some plainly out of jealousy that we did better than them during exams even though i spent 50% of my time crying in class after being bullied and she runs around irritating others. Naah.. to me she is just having fun. But to those who kena kacau, i don't know la..
Years passed. We all moved on in life. And when i looked back in time and thought about the 'i trust you, so do you think you can trust me' time we all used to have when we were kids, I wonder if our fattened EGOs have made us selfish, unrelentlessly trying to squeeze every drop of humaneness from another person and refuse to trust a person until that person proves to you that he/she can be trusted?
For a person to trust you, shouldn't you let them know that you are willing to trust him/her and give them their needed space to work?
But no... Some bloated and proud man once said, "Do I trust you, uh?" and it was in my face. I will never forget that day I stepped into his office. And I swore upon my death that I will never have anything to do with that kind of a boss ever in my life. And maybe I spoke too soon that time, I had a few like that after that anyway. Fated or cursed, for you to decide. But I guess, experience made me realize that people, with a lot of successes and a lot of "Yeah, I did it MYSELF" instances will make them over-proud.
And they don't know how it hurts those people who really need to be trusted, because everyone reacts differently to different situation. Its not that we don't want to be loyal to you but sometimes, we just need that trust and space to do things. Without that, many people suffer from burnout, lack of space to work, being hawked and they spend more time worrying about 'what will happen if this or that happens?', or worst could ever happen is the fact that they were not given a chance to fail, fall flat on their faces and stand up and continue the fight.
Like it or not, its BECAUSE OF THAT, and that very tough reason, it made job hopping more rampant. And don't you just love the Americans who have been serving those American companies for over 20 years or all their lives? First job = last job?
I want to have that too. But at the rate my beloved country is going, I somehow feel that our lives are somehow being dictated by the few people and when they have favoritism going on, we can all kiss goodbye to our hardwork and our willingness to do a job.
Somehow or rather, we just need to be given our trust. After all, have we forgotten those who gave us theirs in the first place?
we all lie, really!
Ever thought for a moment that we've not been lying to people who means a lot to us? Or probably believed that in your entire life, you have not lied?
Look no further than yourself when you accuse someone else of lying.
Years and years of being a human being teaches us all to say what we know we can say and reserve some other thoughts to ourselves. Rather than just classifying it as 'my own thoughts, i have my rights to it' and keep fighting for your own innocence won't help. Even a young child knows how to lie!
I remember once, a young child back then, my friend appeared in school with a lot of cuts and bruises. When asked about how SHE (yes, being from a girl's school, you won't normally see such a sight) got all those, but she told her teacher "saya jatuh dari bukit semasa ambil air dari pili atas bukit". And at that time, we never thought children would lie.
As i looked back, I realized that this friend of mine had all the while been keeping silent about the domestic abuse she suffered since she was born. Always with the excuse of 'selalu jatuh bukit' or 'tersepak batu semasa lari' although once she did demonstrate how she got a big cut, she fell in school! But i knew (my poor friends, we were too young we didn't talk about it at all and most of them don't even remember her now!)
I wonder how this friend is doing. But anyway, lets go back to the idea of "we all lie too, seriously!"
In our everyday lives, be it school, college, work, back at home or anywhere else, we just cannot control ourselves to stop lying. Remember those times we reserved our thoughts about that one gangster-looking man walking around with a parang, and when he talked to us, we just replied with a smile and a 'heh-heh' laugh? Oh, yeah.. not everyone's from Johor Bahru. Yeah, you won't want to wind down your car window and give an 'international sign' to them. You might be torched to death by that 'i don't know who he is but he sure looks like a road bully to me'.
We lie to our parents, especially when we were young and needed money. Some needed it more desperately than others, some just plainly had rich parents who gave them endless supply they needn't lie. But point being, remember those times you conned your parents of that extra 50 sen? Or asked them if you could get some more pocket money to buy this this and that only to end up spending on things you know will displease them? And then later, 'pakat' with your siblings to keep from your parents?
Or those times your boss screams at you and tells you off, doesn't give you face at all and expects you to smile and thank him for scolding you? In your heart you already feel like jumping across and strangling his double-chinned neck and kick him in the nuts so hard he can never reproduce, but you just have to bite your lips and show that you actually feel thankful. Don't you think that keeping that in your heart is equally as good as using your facial expression, verbal communication and whatever not communications we human beings are capable of emitting, to just LIE our way out of a situation?
We lie. FULLSTOP. Whether it is a white lie, serious lie, black lie etc. Come on, the media lies too! Advertisements lie too. And who does all these? Normal human beings like you and me. We know that it is human nature to lie. We KNOW what people like, what people want to hear, what will make him or her tick and what will really make them interested. But too bad, nobody shares the same opinion.
But the entire bottomline is this. Key to survival and being liked on this planet is to LIE. And don't you think that your best friend who appears so good to you may actually be secretly planning your downfall in the future? Nobody knows.
Trust is something hard to come by. So do not expect people to give you his or her trust but rather, give them their needed trust. I'll come to that topic soon...
Lies are lies. Yes, they can never be the truth. Half-truth is also considered a fib, a lie. But we are not given the full autonomy to decide if lies are indeed good or bad. Doctors sometimes have to lie too, especially if the patient has already gone through a lot. When you see someone who have just lost a loved one, you will go up to them and tell them lies like, "I know that your *whoever* is already with God" when the truth is, how sure are we? It is still a lie nevertheless because it is considered 'baseless'. Baseless, especially for non-believers and people who are bent on finding out something only by experiencing or seeing it happen. For me, i rather go with, 'my condolences. your *whoever* will be upset to see you so sad' which sounds more humanly. But at the end of the day, is that statement true? We will never know.
And it is still considered a lie, even though i hate to admit it. We should use ONE yardstick for all things in life. But with randomness in life, we are forced to use different yardsticks for different situations. And by nature, human beings want the best for themselves. We are born selfish. Therefore we cannot...
Bottomline: We all lie. Really.
Look no further than yourself when you accuse someone else of lying.
Years and years of being a human being teaches us all to say what we know we can say and reserve some other thoughts to ourselves. Rather than just classifying it as 'my own thoughts, i have my rights to it' and keep fighting for your own innocence won't help. Even a young child knows how to lie!
I remember once, a young child back then, my friend appeared in school with a lot of cuts and bruises. When asked about how SHE (yes, being from a girl's school, you won't normally see such a sight) got all those, but she told her teacher "saya jatuh dari bukit semasa ambil air dari pili atas bukit". And at that time, we never thought children would lie.
As i looked back, I realized that this friend of mine had all the while been keeping silent about the domestic abuse she suffered since she was born. Always with the excuse of 'selalu jatuh bukit' or 'tersepak batu semasa lari' although once she did demonstrate how she got a big cut, she fell in school! But i knew (my poor friends, we were too young we didn't talk about it at all and most of them don't even remember her now!)
I wonder how this friend is doing. But anyway, lets go back to the idea of "we all lie too, seriously!"
In our everyday lives, be it school, college, work, back at home or anywhere else, we just cannot control ourselves to stop lying. Remember those times we reserved our thoughts about that one gangster-looking man walking around with a parang, and when he talked to us, we just replied with a smile and a 'heh-heh' laugh? Oh, yeah.. not everyone's from Johor Bahru. Yeah, you won't want to wind down your car window and give an 'international sign' to them. You might be torched to death by that 'i don't know who he is but he sure looks like a road bully to me'.
We lie to our parents, especially when we were young and needed money. Some needed it more desperately than others, some just plainly had rich parents who gave them endless supply they needn't lie. But point being, remember those times you conned your parents of that extra 50 sen? Or asked them if you could get some more pocket money to buy this this and that only to end up spending on things you know will displease them? And then later, 'pakat' with your siblings to keep from your parents?
Or those times your boss screams at you and tells you off, doesn't give you face at all and expects you to smile and thank him for scolding you? In your heart you already feel like jumping across and strangling his double-chinned neck and kick him in the nuts so hard he can never reproduce, but you just have to bite your lips and show that you actually feel thankful. Don't you think that keeping that in your heart is equally as good as using your facial expression, verbal communication and whatever not communications we human beings are capable of emitting, to just LIE our way out of a situation?
We lie. FULLSTOP. Whether it is a white lie, serious lie, black lie etc. Come on, the media lies too! Advertisements lie too. And who does all these? Normal human beings like you and me. We know that it is human nature to lie. We KNOW what people like, what people want to hear, what will make him or her tick and what will really make them interested. But too bad, nobody shares the same opinion.
But the entire bottomline is this. Key to survival and being liked on this planet is to LIE. And don't you think that your best friend who appears so good to you may actually be secretly planning your downfall in the future? Nobody knows.
Trust is something hard to come by. So do not expect people to give you his or her trust but rather, give them their needed trust. I'll come to that topic soon...
Lies are lies. Yes, they can never be the truth. Half-truth is also considered a fib, a lie. But we are not given the full autonomy to decide if lies are indeed good or bad. Doctors sometimes have to lie too, especially if the patient has already gone through a lot. When you see someone who have just lost a loved one, you will go up to them and tell them lies like, "I know that your *whoever* is already with God" when the truth is, how sure are we? It is still a lie nevertheless because it is considered 'baseless'. Baseless, especially for non-believers and people who are bent on finding out something only by experiencing or seeing it happen. For me, i rather go with, 'my condolences. your *whoever* will be upset to see you so sad' which sounds more humanly. But at the end of the day, is that statement true? We will never know.
And it is still considered a lie, even though i hate to admit it. We should use ONE yardstick for all things in life. But with randomness in life, we are forced to use different yardsticks for different situations. And by nature, human beings want the best for themselves. We are born selfish. Therefore we cannot...
Bottomline: We all lie. Really.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Teaching: Part II
Teaching, as other professions have ups and downs in the course of doing 'what's right'.
Teaching for almost a year now, I can't help but to think about the wonderful consequences if we were to just give a child a smack across the face if they become severely intolerable and their parents, after you call them, tell you "his/her class is not over yet. Let him/her sit at the chair quietly till the time comes. We are shopping now."
What will you do?
Or get a more challenging class like mine on Sunday evenings where my 2 ever-smart and over witty students start chattering about 1001 things adults will talk about. You'd get a smacking class, with a lot of laughter, awe and wonder at how young 7 and 9 year old children could tell you things you only discovered in University. Gosh, I feel so inadequately educated when I am with them.
Or try this....
Have a student talking to you and other children about RELIGION.
I know, in Malaysia it is very tacky to talk about one's religion. But there's a 6 year old arabian student (who surprisingly spoke quite good, albeit the Terminator 'twang' English) who asked one of my students if she was a Muslim. When the other student said she was not, this little girl said, "bad things will happen to you... You'll see"
Okay, get that?
6 years old talking like an adult and telling you about religion? And worse still, she talked to the 9 year old who had a habit of being extremely sarcastic. Being a teacher there, I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her to shut up? Or agree with her? Or just act like I didn't hear anything?
I didn't do any of those 3. Decided to interrogate her about her 'idea' about how she knew that. At first, she kept on saying, 'you'll know in the future'. Hello? 6 years old talking like that? What's up with our generation of kids, or what's wrong with this generation of kids? She kept on repeating till another student probed, "what'll happen next?" and the little girl said, "You'll die in hell".
Gosh.... What was I supposed to say now? I took the third. Silence. But my rebellious student, she replied, "So I am a Hindu and I am definitely dying in Hell". *Note her sarcasm, being only 9 years old*
What will you do if you are in my position?
I have no idea what religion is 'superior' than another. I am not a judge in such a thing, and this entire thing falls into the GREY area of life that nobody has an answer and everybody wants to have a say and agree that their religion is the best. And when kids are involved in such debates at the table I am teaching, what do I do? Do i just keep quiet and let them argue, talk sense into them or just let them keep their ideas and break up the fight, only to let the animosity grow?
I don't know...
Till now, I really want to know what is the best way to solve this problem. But I guess nobody will be able to tell me the best. After all, with different actions, different reactions will unfold.
But I am thankful that I passed that dreaded hour, told the parents of the children what happened and hoped that their parents will know what's right to tell their children.....
Now, whoever said teaching children is as easy as child's play? Teaching Algebra to university students sound more like an easy job!
Teaching for almost a year now, I can't help but to think about the wonderful consequences if we were to just give a child a smack across the face if they become severely intolerable and their parents, after you call them, tell you "his/her class is not over yet. Let him/her sit at the chair quietly till the time comes. We are shopping now."
What will you do?
Or get a more challenging class like mine on Sunday evenings where my 2 ever-smart and over witty students start chattering about 1001 things adults will talk about. You'd get a smacking class, with a lot of laughter, awe and wonder at how young 7 and 9 year old children could tell you things you only discovered in University. Gosh, I feel so inadequately educated when I am with them.
Or try this....
Have a student talking to you and other children about RELIGION.
I know, in Malaysia it is very tacky to talk about one's religion. But there's a 6 year old arabian student (who surprisingly spoke quite good, albeit the Terminator 'twang' English) who asked one of my students if she was a Muslim. When the other student said she was not, this little girl said, "bad things will happen to you... You'll see"
Okay, get that?
6 years old talking like an adult and telling you about religion? And worse still, she talked to the 9 year old who had a habit of being extremely sarcastic. Being a teacher there, I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her to shut up? Or agree with her? Or just act like I didn't hear anything?
I didn't do any of those 3. Decided to interrogate her about her 'idea' about how she knew that. At first, she kept on saying, 'you'll know in the future'. Hello? 6 years old talking like that? What's up with our generation of kids, or what's wrong with this generation of kids? She kept on repeating till another student probed, "what'll happen next?" and the little girl said, "You'll die in hell".
Gosh.... What was I supposed to say now? I took the third. Silence. But my rebellious student, she replied, "So I am a Hindu and I am definitely dying in Hell". *Note her sarcasm, being only 9 years old*
What will you do if you are in my position?
I have no idea what religion is 'superior' than another. I am not a judge in such a thing, and this entire thing falls into the GREY area of life that nobody has an answer and everybody wants to have a say and agree that their religion is the best. And when kids are involved in such debates at the table I am teaching, what do I do? Do i just keep quiet and let them argue, talk sense into them or just let them keep their ideas and break up the fight, only to let the animosity grow?
I don't know...
Till now, I really want to know what is the best way to solve this problem. But I guess nobody will be able to tell me the best. After all, with different actions, different reactions will unfold.
But I am thankful that I passed that dreaded hour, told the parents of the children what happened and hoped that their parents will know what's right to tell their children.....
Now, whoever said teaching children is as easy as child's play? Teaching Algebra to university students sound more like an easy job!
Teaching : Part I
Ever thought that you have the knack for being a teacher? or like me, always doubted that you could even scrape past the bare minimum requirement to be a teacher?
Fret not, everyone who has that passion for education, the love for children and humanity will always go through the same problem.
Minus those stupid teachers we had in class who reads off textbooks, narrate everything from the PowerPoint slide, don't teach properly in school and force you to go to their home for extra tuition so you can get an A in class. *hate those people*
I mean those who want to see EDUCATION grow as something that MEANS SOMETHING. Gone are the days where teachers were well-loved and respected. Even during our time, there were some teachers still being given their due respect because they were good at what they do. But with times like NOW where parents are pretty much either spoiling their kids too much or just plain imbecils (I am so sorry but some parents are just like that), I think new-age parenting is spoiling kids much faster than how mould destroys bread.
Sometimes, I pray to that (only one unified) God, thanking him for the opportunity in the teaching career. And the many other days and night, I curse myself for being in this path. There are times your student is just plainly a darling. Like the days I have only Leanne in class, or just Sneha alone in the class. But there are days I have MONSTERS in the class and technically, might have been due to the increasing number of students I have in class. Some days they are just good and obliging, willing to learn. But other days, they just sit there and talk talk talk, make noise, annoy me, scream 'teacher teacher' for the attention when they don't need any and just plainly not letting you help other students. Some are just so incorrigible and some teachers risked breaking their heads against the wall teaching these monsters. But aah, what are we to do?
And all these stupid things your friend tell you about "when are you having kids?" will make you jump on your seat and give them a 2 hour lecture on how terrible your students were, till they NEVER bring the subject up again.
Gosh. Tiring! How did my mum and dad end up having all 4 monkeys, me being one of them? But yeah, they rule by the menacing whip and gnashing teeth.... yes, parents were darn strict with us. Which i think, to a certain extent worked.
But whenever I go back to teaching my darling kids, and suddenly have a heart attack when some parents unexpectedly show up with their kids during my break time or days I am just plainly OFF, I don't know if education has been treated like gold, like how it used to be in the past.
Teachers nowadays are not being given the respect and the autonomy to deal with students the way that it works. We are allowed to a certain extent to reprimand the child, correct them if they are wrong. But some parents refuse to accept a child's mistake and goes on arguing with the teacher.
But of course, teaching is nothing compared to the 6 months at Shittybank Stinkapore.... Being a customer service officer is definitely more 'happening, colorful and exciting', verbally.... Through the phone.. You do the math~
Anyway, I am frankly disappointed in the way education became but I guess there's just nothing I can do. Being alone against the dark world outside with parents ready to take us down one by one. But I can only thank my lucky stars I met most nice parents and tolerable kids...
Fret not, everyone who has that passion for education, the love for children and humanity will always go through the same problem.
Minus those stupid teachers we had in class who reads off textbooks, narrate everything from the PowerPoint slide, don't teach properly in school and force you to go to their home for extra tuition so you can get an A in class. *hate those people*
I mean those who want to see EDUCATION grow as something that MEANS SOMETHING. Gone are the days where teachers were well-loved and respected. Even during our time, there were some teachers still being given their due respect because they were good at what they do. But with times like NOW where parents are pretty much either spoiling their kids too much or just plain imbecils (I am so sorry but some parents are just like that), I think new-age parenting is spoiling kids much faster than how mould destroys bread.
Sometimes, I pray to that (only one unified) God, thanking him for the opportunity in the teaching career. And the many other days and night, I curse myself for being in this path. There are times your student is just plainly a darling. Like the days I have only Leanne in class, or just Sneha alone in the class. But there are days I have MONSTERS in the class and technically, might have been due to the increasing number of students I have in class. Some days they are just good and obliging, willing to learn. But other days, they just sit there and talk talk talk, make noise, annoy me, scream 'teacher teacher' for the attention when they don't need any and just plainly not letting you help other students. Some are just so incorrigible and some teachers risked breaking their heads against the wall teaching these monsters. But aah, what are we to do?
And all these stupid things your friend tell you about "when are you having kids?" will make you jump on your seat and give them a 2 hour lecture on how terrible your students were, till they NEVER bring the subject up again.
Gosh. Tiring! How did my mum and dad end up having all 4 monkeys, me being one of them? But yeah, they rule by the menacing whip and gnashing teeth.... yes, parents were darn strict with us. Which i think, to a certain extent worked.
But whenever I go back to teaching my darling kids, and suddenly have a heart attack when some parents unexpectedly show up with their kids during my break time or days I am just plainly OFF, I don't know if education has been treated like gold, like how it used to be in the past.
Teachers nowadays are not being given the respect and the autonomy to deal with students the way that it works. We are allowed to a certain extent to reprimand the child, correct them if they are wrong. But some parents refuse to accept a child's mistake and goes on arguing with the teacher.
But of course, teaching is nothing compared to the 6 months at Shittybank Stinkapore.... Being a customer service officer is definitely more 'happening, colorful and exciting', verbally.... Through the phone.. You do the math~
Anyway, I am frankly disappointed in the way education became but I guess there's just nothing I can do. Being alone against the dark world outside with parents ready to take us down one by one. But I can only thank my lucky stars I met most nice parents and tolerable kids...
Life's a Game : Part I
Recently, or what I meant, In the middle of March 2010, I was interviewed by TV3 on i-Clay. And subsequently appeared on TV on a kid's TV programme I never heard of, and got a friend, or rather, a neighbour dropping me a post on FB to tell me that he saw 'teacher michelle' on TV.
I was like, "Oh? Really? I didn't know!" but heck, now I do. But anyway, back to the story of my sad and demotivating life story.
This event changed my perception of myself. Although slowly, it did make me feel more like a 'teacher' although I know many reading my blog would otherwise think I am just either a blabber-machine gun, a 'never serious in her entire life' person, the foul-hokkien-mouthed b***h or rather, just the plain old, "there she goes again with her long long road motherly nags". Seriously, people told me that. But of course in front of different people, I am different. But then, that doesn't change the subject matter here.
Couldn't quite care about what people actually think about me but then again, here's the deal. With me being 'unwillingly but yeah, who else?' chosen to represent the clay company (it belongs to a Korean couple and the TV programme was in Bahasa Melayu) and my kids on that day was either a latino darling or a chinese girl, both aged 6. Speaking in BM or even, speaking coherently at all was pretty hard to expect from them. So they went ahead with me.
I felt the difference in myself after that incident. Like, how many times on earth do you, a normal civilian, get yourself in front of a TV screen for that something you do really well?
I am no Neil Buchanan on Art Attack, neither am I Oprah Winfrey hosting some audience-loves-you-Oprah show that will never fail to make you cry. I was just that NOTHING, like the air we breathe. You don't see it, you cannot catch it and it doesn't really matter to you because you take it for granted. Yes I was invisible.
But then.... From that incident, people started telling me things like "wah, you're on TV for what you do best? That's awesome! If i have a kid, I'd ensure he or she goes to your class and nobody else's". It was a complement, truly it was. I even had teachers telling me that they wanted to learn from me, which I thought was quite a surprise because they were distinguished and talented teachers in art and craft and some even in sculpting. It really made me feel wonderful.
Finally I saw myself on the same page as Matt's. We have our core competency. And mine was in the finer and detailed side of life, whereas his was more mechanically and technically inclined. And between you and me, I find his harder to understand. Its just filled with red tapes, more rules and law to memorize whereas mine's just 'whatever you like and you think looks nice, it will do'.
At the end of the day, I am only happy because of one thing. I am glad that the people who knew me for who I am and who supports me, thank you. Because, all it takes is just to have a person like you having faith and never giving up hope in me that makes me want to go for what I am good at.
And special thanks to the darling who always had my back, through thick and thin and ups and downs of my life. I love you, BWC!
I was like, "Oh? Really? I didn't know!" but heck, now I do. But anyway, back to the story of my sad and demotivating life story.
This event changed my perception of myself. Although slowly, it did make me feel more like a 'teacher' although I know many reading my blog would otherwise think I am just either a blabber-machine gun, a 'never serious in her entire life' person, the foul-hokkien-mouthed b***h or rather, just the plain old, "there she goes again with her long long road motherly nags". Seriously, people told me that. But of course in front of different people, I am different. But then, that doesn't change the subject matter here.
Couldn't quite care about what people actually think about me but then again, here's the deal. With me being 'unwillingly but yeah, who else?' chosen to represent the clay company (it belongs to a Korean couple and the TV programme was in Bahasa Melayu) and my kids on that day was either a latino darling or a chinese girl, both aged 6. Speaking in BM or even, speaking coherently at all was pretty hard to expect from them. So they went ahead with me.
I felt the difference in myself after that incident. Like, how many times on earth do you, a normal civilian, get yourself in front of a TV screen for that something you do really well?
I am no Neil Buchanan on Art Attack, neither am I Oprah Winfrey hosting some audience-loves-you-Oprah show that will never fail to make you cry. I was just that NOTHING, like the air we breathe. You don't see it, you cannot catch it and it doesn't really matter to you because you take it for granted. Yes I was invisible.
But then.... From that incident, people started telling me things like "wah, you're on TV for what you do best? That's awesome! If i have a kid, I'd ensure he or she goes to your class and nobody else's". It was a complement, truly it was. I even had teachers telling me that they wanted to learn from me, which I thought was quite a surprise because they were distinguished and talented teachers in art and craft and some even in sculpting. It really made me feel wonderful.
Finally I saw myself on the same page as Matt's. We have our core competency. And mine was in the finer and detailed side of life, whereas his was more mechanically and technically inclined. And between you and me, I find his harder to understand. Its just filled with red tapes, more rules and law to memorize whereas mine's just 'whatever you like and you think looks nice, it will do'.
At the end of the day, I am only happy because of one thing. I am glad that the people who knew me for who I am and who supports me, thank you. Because, all it takes is just to have a person like you having faith and never giving up hope in me that makes me want to go for what I am good at.
And special thanks to the darling who always had my back, through thick and thin and ups and downs of my life. I love you, BWC!
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