Things to thank for

As I continue butchering myself for my incapability, I needed some truth that would at least levitate me back to my sane self. And I guess, I am also on the 'fairly gifted' page of people.

I may hate my Korean-looking eyes, but many beautiful eyed people would kill to have my 20/20 (or a little deteriorated) vision. At least swimming and snorkeling would not be such a pain, or even the process of wearing contact lenses.

I may wish for beautiful digital-permed hair, but many people are dying to have my so-called long, silky and straight hair. Although they don't know that I lose hair like no man's business. Anyway, who doesn't if it's this length?

I may complain about not being a Caucasian with white skin, but at least I do not suffer from eczema like my kid sis. Whenever I look at her dry-seasoned skin with red patches that looks so painful, I am thankful I need not douse that amount of lotion on my skin. Heck, I don't even use my lotion. It will always reach its expiry date before reaching 1/2 of the bottle.

I complain about not getting a scholarship when my STPM's GPA was 3.33 and when I went to University, I was shocked that many people whom I knew did not even manage a 3.0 and some didn't even get a second chance at University life after not being offered a place in a local University. My parents paid for my education in UCSI!

I complain about not being able to enjoy life and accepted the fact that I will forever be the strong woman that no men will ever love, He decides to send someone special over to me. I don't know if this is a good sign or His sense of humor is unfathomable.

I always complain about never being slim and beautiful enough to be a model. My model friend complains about the excessive make up that clogged her pores, hair spray that made her hair like a pile of hay stack. I complain about not being able to look good, she complain about squeezing her feet into 7-inch high heels for hours for stupid photoshoots at dangerous cliffs that may potentially end her life.

I always talk about the MENSA friends and how good they are in studies, my friend who flunked STPM told me 'hey, you're one year younger than us and you scored well in STPM, so cheer up man! I'll just go out to work I guess?"

I always hated those people who tells other people that Mass Communication students are stupid. Especially those studying Food Science and Biotechnology in UCSI. But my close friend told me this, 'you won't want to be like him. He failed one subject 4 times because he didn't work hard enough'. Yes, you can say that Mass Communication students are just not the best. But hey, not every Medical/Pharmacy/other science-based course student is good either. And in that way, I guess life's just fair.

I still hate the fact that I sweat like a guy. I cannot use a women's deodorant because it is just not strong enough. I hate the fact that my boyfriend never needed deodorant. I hate the fact that I sweat faster and more than most of my guy friends. I hate it that I will start stinking after a good run. But then again, I have friends who can go for jogs around for hours but fail to burn enough fats. They complain about how I can easily lose weight. They tell me how they wish they can sweat like me. But I guess, we will never be contented in the ways we were made?

But alas, life's short. I can continue hating myself for being ugly. Blame myself for having bad knee, back aches that will never heal, illnesses that surfaces all the time, gastric problem that threatens to burn a hole in my stomach or the endless headache that I get. I can continue to grumble and let life wither away. But I hold the key to changing it.


I don't know what it will be. But for these few minutes, I guess I will just keep myself happy with things that I am given. I'll try to smile and appreciate all I have...

I said I will try... No promises though...