Do you have a PLAN?

And yes, my tiny plan is to take over the world, one Be@rbrick at a time...

Okay, and this is definitely not what this post is about....

I had been thinking for a looooooong time and I thought, heck, why don't I use Dad's Mark II to take video instead. After all, if I can have it in HD, why not? It would be so fun, playing with the camera.

Problem is, now i gotta find a way to convert the file to something editable...

I hate doing research but... Here goes nothing................

~lalalalalalala~

Dear Honey (Part 2)...

I've just arrived back home, and although it's been only about 5 hours since I kissed and hugged you goodbye, as you may have expected it, it feels like 5 DAYS to me... haha...

No Dameone to holler out "DAAAAD" every time I wanna munch a beef burger or a little incy-wincy meatball, I agree that although for the first 2 hours it will be a relief, but anything after that, I'll start missing his "DAAAAAAAAAD! MOOOOOOM!!"

I remember the last time I wrote something like this. We were probably about only 120km apart, and I mentioned that it was like so near but yet so far. Now, multiply that distance by 3. Yes, it's so far and so far, in that case.

I had no idea about the Sultan of Johor's death until I read the headlines today at the bus stop. Mom told me that it's better to wear black, or else we may land ourselves in trouble.

I think about you everytime I lie down. It's like a kid who's just lost his favorite pillow or his "blankie". People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my paw doesn't buy that line, haha because my paw misses that gay paw of yours... hehehehehe...

But anyway, I'll be back again tomorrow. My bus is at 2.30pm, so it'll be around 5.30 to 6.00pm when I arrive at KL's doorstep. Looking forward to hugging you and planting a nice big kiss on you. :D

I LOVE YOU BEBE!


~~BWC

Grow up, Michelle!

Many people reading this will wonder what's happening to me. And yes, I know this may sound normal to you, but I guess everyone has mental issue!

One silly 'indie' looking guy in school came up to me and said ' creative people have mental problem'. I guess, after having that thought manifested in my head, I discovered something..... Creative peopel see things that are not there. And they invent it and make it there! So how's that sound to you?

Anyway, back to my topic.... I need to severely grow up.

I am sick of being a kid, sick of being crazy and being misunderstood. (Does carrying Dameone to work sound insane to you? I brought him out for lunch to prove to him that I wasn't ashamed of him)

I am sick of lying -- And the person I lie the most to is MYSELF! (I tell myself everyday, today's a beautiful day..... and when it rained, I'd silently whisper sarcastically, "I lied"...)

I am sick of being angry (including the pounding and roaring BWC had to endure.. Poor creature)

I am tired of being opiniated -- Just for once, can I be idealess?

I am tired of sharing my thoughts -- Don't we already have our own? Isn't that enough?

I need to think that quantity is not quality. Learn to identify what's good and what's not..

I need to stop being a stupid Ah Long. Pinjam money to others and they lari. 2 years after that I see them, they act like as though they didn't owe me a single cent. -- I am a total push over. And guess what? 2010 -- NO MORE releasing of cash to borrow people unless they really need it and I have discussed with Matt, signed and IOU, MOU and anything else related, chop, stamped, photocopied IC to be kept etc...

I need my life back == back to the world where I can live away from human beings.

I need to do something to rectify my past mistakes!!!! (No time machine, thanks)

And last but not least, I guess it is time I speak my mind and clarify things rather than to let it die down and never resolved. haven't I done that too many times? I need to tell people the truth and let them understand fom my perspective!

Happiness

Achieving happiness is something that not many people understood.

I had the privilege to meet up with Leon Chok's dad who shared quite a wonderful insight of life and suddenly made me want to be a vegetarian.

Human (in mandarin, Ren) is written with 2 strokes, and according to uncle, one is the body and another is the soul. And in order to achieve success (or to me, true happiness) we have to balance up both sides of life.

Being spiritual now? Not really. But reflecting on life itself. I learnt many things throughout my first month in 2010. I saw many shortcomings I had in 2009 and most were caused by anger that were never necessary. I have 2 strokes too, and when body's not happy, soul is never contented, giving myself that restlessness in the small tiny heart of mine.

Being successful is not measured by the depth of your pocket or the car you drive, but whether can you be able to afford something that you need, and that something that is essential in your life?

Balance is when we do things in moderation (remember Buddhism, the middle path?) and we have to also understand the cause and effect of our every action.

Meat (rou) is written with 2 human (ren) in it. Signifying that when we eat meat, we are eating 2 people. Can't really remember which but one of the Ren was the soul of the slaughtered animal.

The shallowness of my previous state of mind made me realize that there's more to just being a Christian that reads the bible, sing worship songs and after leaving the church, continue doing what I always do. And sadly I have even seen church members trying to exert authority unto someone I love. And when 'authority' comes into place, he/she acts like they stand between God and yourself. And when Uncle said about the success of a man being measured by the balance between the body and the soul, I immediately drew it back to myself. How did I do wrong and how can I rectify?

Not easy. But with marriage on the way, I guess another hurdle will be down soon, as in really sooooon. And i'm also trying to be more understanding and sensitive to the environment, take care of myself and not let myself put me in harm's way. And happiness is when I can do something I like without the guilt of doing so (no more ice cream?? no!!!) and I guess I might just be on the way to living my life to the max. I just want to live a life where I can die anytime because I know I have done all I wanted to.....

Getting married

Just found out from a close buddy that civil registration is EASY PEASY but man, will church wedding be hell...

I guess I might just bail out of that idea, considering the fact that Bebe wants to go to a place with 'toilet tiles' as a backdrop. But seriously, I am not kidding. I am very 'yim chim' about how the setting of the location will look like. Don't want a wedding photo to be graced with white and square tiles that reminds you of your holy throne at home. (I feel like shit for criticizing, but bebe, seriously, I cannot photoshop that, skills not so good..... sad...)

But the thing I cannot tahan is that one fact that we have to go through a marriage course but after being 'convinced' by our buddy, I guess, the idea of going might not be such a bad idea after all.

But seriously, why would we need to have so many weddings? (although I secretly like the idea of being married again and again to the same man whom I love to finish off my quota of 2 souls meeting for 7 times, get married for 7 times before going to Heaven)

And yes, it's me bull-crapping once more.... (insomnia kills)

But I still want to get married. PRONTO!!!

Growing Up and Out

Ever been through a stage of life where you finally feel that you're actually on the way to the top of the mountain? Having a 'partial' birds' eye view about the surrounding and realizing things you never knew?

Who never had that ought to be shot man!

For me, my internship experiences and the many interesting people I met along the way taught me a lot of things. And made me realize many of my mistakes I did in the past.

Do you wish to turn the time back and rectify it?

For me, not really. If i did that, wouldn't my mind + memory of the incident be erased? I mean, unlogical logically speakingly..... :)

But truth be told, we all made mistakes in our lives. And I love the fact that we all, human beings, love to push the blame unto another person's shoulder. Don't you think I don't too? I am but human. But then again, I guess it is always the other way around and sometimes out of revenge, I just like to get even with you.

And you wouldn't want to know how I was in school during my secondary years where skipping class with lame reasons like "saya nak pergi tandas lao sai" and "sorry cikgu, perut amat sakit, lao sai lama lama" and crap of such. It happened. Why not? I was indeed a student from HELL.. And IF Mr. Lim, Pn. Yeoh, Pn. Geetha reads this, they might just nod their head and say, "Yes girl. I am glad you came to your senses"....


And after how long?

Gosh..... It was like, it took me aeons to get over the feeling, the hurt, rejection, anger and all other negative, repulsive feelings. AND IF YOU THINK YOU ARE BAD TEMPERED, think again man... I might just be your best competitor!

Back to being on the mountain... I was up on the 'mountain of life' although it felt like just 20% of the height. But man, I really saw alot of things I never saw before. The beautiful scenery at the foot of the hill (richess, prosperity, or anything that has gotta do with God giving me a great family but I never really appreciated it until now) and all the chopped trees (mistakes I have made against others, causing grief, distress, anger, unhappiness etc...) and boy, was it like a magical journey.

Dad once told me before about a story of a man who had 2 bags of faults. One belonging to him and another, of his neighbors/ He hung his fault behind his back and his neighbor's fault-filled basket in front so he always saw the fault of others. I guess we have all been that conceited before. I have and sometimes, still will fall prey to the human sin. Who doesn't? The person who says he/she does not do that are either very righteous and really right people or they are plainly hypocrites like all of the world including myself!

I lie to myself everyday! -- I tell myself that today will be a great freaking day, but guess what? not always will that happen! Gosh, I am the biggest liar of the century and should be banished to hell but HECK with it, some lies to your heart makes you feel better...


And that was how '20% mountain' showed me that my house was circled with beautiful plants, trees, clear stream flowing along the side and happy singing birds. But I am disillusioned by the fact that the stream flowing downwards got polluted by loggers and trees are chopped for paper, animals caught to be barbequed.... Do you have such a life?

And I guess, we are all not that different after all. But the age old question still remains..... What will your next action plan be?

Chibi Star Wars

Yes!!

I managed to make these cute fellas. Although to me, they are not really as cute as others think lah...

Lets take a look at the 'behind the scenes' pictures!

My factory...

Laptop for the pictures as reference. Thin layer of plastic (cutting board) to keep them clean, and a heck a lot of colors (tiny bottles behind) as well as the colored clay in front...

This is how my hands looked after making that silly Darth Vader. Black is more like ,dark purple man!!!

Master Yoda, retreat, we must. Cut off your head, we must too!

Jar Jar Binks (is it the way you spell it?) is the toughest, blending some color (or more likely using basic layering techniques only) to achieve the silly look. He looks at peace, surprisingly for a panic freak..

And he is shy, being wrapped in a black towel... Hence the green slab with blue writing S-H-Y on it!

So if you want custom made fondant/sugar paste cuties, just don't hesitate to give me a call lor... Non Standard Charges apply... Kekekekkkekekkekekeke

My favorite BREAKFAST ever

Being able to still go back to college reminds me of how life speeds up and hit the brakes at random times.

I guess I am still very fortunate for I am still in University even though I only have one subject left.

And I enjoy having breakfast with Bebe at On The Run for they serve the BEST EVER teh tarik, making me feel like steaing their powder and make mine at home everyday.... Sweetness forever, diabetes to follow, i know...

But yeah, it brings back old memories of us going for breakfast before he drops me in University last year...

I MISS THOSE TIMES!!

~~LOVE~~

Ever had anyone you loved so much you'd lay your life down for him or her?

I know, standard BULLSHIT and such, but seriously, who would buy that idea?

I guess only one person took the bait at first.... 

And he was Sia Choon Howe

Taken @ Pasar Malam (Connaught - 13 Jan '10)

Funny how things always worked out in the end. But yes, we all had our rough times, nearly-argue periods, swallowing anger and pride, defending ego and more pride and not understanding each other's priorities, not liking each other's food preferences (me no pork, he no asam).

But at the end of the day (everyday), we iron things out and just forget about the unhappy thoughts.

I still hate his noise music, but I am learning to understand him by accepting his kinda music although they are still NOISE to me.

And for him, ah... As always, the darling gives in to me always. We enjoy listening to songs, even RETRO, and I guess I poisoned him into liking Retro as I love the Retro beat (it is so obvious it came from the 80's, same rhythm/style) and he's poisoned me to love Def Leppards as well as a few more awesome-'ness' bands like Night Wish, Xandria and more more alternative music people...

Taken during Pei Khee's birthday

It is funny how people are made to have differences.

We are 'like two peas in a pod' but seriously, even twins are different. Genetically probably not, but characteristic, the other humanly aspect, everyone is unique. Same for both of us.

He loves things that I don't really emphasize on. I love things that he might think it is just purely junk. I am an artsy-fartsy person and I love keeping junk (e.g. scrap paper, unused boxes, those finished toilet roll cores, more more boxes and recycle wrapping paper) and I mess the entire house with my craft stuff. I guess that drives him crazy. But he quietly cleans, and occasionally lets out a poor and silent moan. I guess he might have second thoughts about being with me FOREVER after cleaning up the house. But he never really got angry at me, just looked frustrated. Oops!!

But for him, I guess it is always his 'aiyah, long long time once' (literally translated from Hokkien: Aiya, gu gu ji bai *no, ji bai means once, not the other one okay, yellow minded idiotas*)

He loves his FOOD. Now does it answer why I balllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooned to 60kg? I was a really spoilt and well-fed kid. Poor wallet... Every month also have to suffer with TGI Fridays / Bubba Gump / Chilli's / Carl's Jr.......

And I guess at one point in time, we had these things every week?

Yes, I was badly spoilt by him and I grew damn fat. But I guess Fat is 'fortune' (Fook, in Cantonese). And I cannot understand why he is willing to fork out a huge sum to eat and after a day of processing, shit 'em all out into the john. Seriously, I rather buy Be@rbricks where I can keep, trade, sell and earn money!

Different schools of thoughts....

He is a musician, I love to do mixing/editing and just perfectly a person who wishes NOT to touch the instruments but rather, wanna touch editing softwares.

Him @ Jalan Pasar yesterday (13 Jan '10) trying out Laney and a Distort pedal

I can never play a guitar (will always lay it on my lap and play it a-la Gu Zheng style) and he is just good at these stuff. He is the musician... I am a 'technician' when it comes to music. Never been really good at it. And this idiota is also good in Piano. Not to mention his "PERFECT PITCH" that he always use it 'against' me unwillingly... Hahaha.. I know I suck! ALWAYS getting the keys wrong. But I still can play the keyboard ok!

But after having SO MANY disagreements, differences and more, I guess the key word at the end of the day is UNDERSTANDING.

It always boils down to the same thing, like spending more time with each other, giving hugs and show care and concern. Always motivate each other and make each other feel special.

He IS special to me. And I have never met anyone in my entire life who would do things he would do for me.

And bebe, if you are reading this, I wanna really thank you for everything.

I don't know what you'd do in the future, but please, just wanna let you know that you don't need to buy me a car just to show me how much you love me, because in my heart, you are the one I love most. You mean so much more to me than anything money can ever buy and no, I would rather lay my life down for you if it means either one of us have to die.

Life without you is like a feather flying in the sky. Without a goal, being blown around by the wind and facing uncertainty, I might suddenly just lose it all and just be like a feather......

So before either of us reach that stage, let us cherish each and every moment we have together.

And yes, I do.... I want to be with you for my entire human life, as long as it lasts

My NAUGHTY BOY

I've been HIT by the Be@rbrick disease!!

Someone please help me!!!

But anyway, I guess I got Lin to thank for invading my brain and brainwashing me to like TOYS. Boy oh boy, will Mum be displeased with me... Hehehe...

Sorry mama, I got 7 Be@rbricks and counting....

Will be starting a Bear Brick trade center soon.....

My encounter with Buddhism

Although on a minute scale, BUT...

I guess it is a sign...

And no, its not about myself converting.

Remember the days I used to talk about the middle path and the logicality of being moderate? And quoting Buddha in a Christian funeral?

Yes. I guess its a sign that I am given an opportunity to get to understand Buddhism more deeply.

Got to know Su Ming and James of KECHARA (a Buddhist association) who wanted to learn how to make  clay models. And found out more from James that they were going to build an animal sanctuary in Selangor for the abandoned and weak animals.

After a few meets with them, I found out that there is a deeper thing to this middle path thing and I've set myself on a course to find out more. And I am not sure how, but come one day, I would like to make this MIDDLE PATH thing a subject in University....

Age

Dear Mum and Dad,

Now I truly understand what you mean by 'aging a little too quickly without even realizing that you've aged'...

Saw a picture of my family (mum's side) at my Aunty Irene (or more fondly known as Aunty KL cuz she lives in KL) and boy oh boy, did mum and her sisters look young. So young that I was only 8 years old. Do the math...

Anyway, one flash and I am going to graduate, going to get myself married to another annoying XY species and yes, probably have to start thinking about my next move. Guess what? I know my registration date, I know when we will ge ourselves married BUT I don't even know what kinda sh!t @ss job I am going to get next!

Talk about aging. I asked a friend "how old are you this year' and got a shocking reply, "Old enough to have a son or a daughter"... She is already 25 this year. Compound with the fact she was born on 1st Jan.... GOSH...

I am 23, my friends are mostly 24 (year of the tiger) and some are 25 and OLDER.

When are we gonna stop growing older?

Internship Experience No. 1

Going back to University last week totally made me feel that I was no longer young, I was supposed to be out of college and I am just not fit to be a kid anymore.

I know some people would be yelling at me "ARE YOU KIDDING?"

I am gonna be 23 this year. And yes, how time flies. One moment I was in the hot seat, sleeping away for an A1 in Add Math, and the next moment, I realized that my University life is coming to an end!

What more can I say about my internship? The fact that I am already OLD makes me realize that nobody will ever want me as an intern anyway.

okay, will cut the crap and continue with my work here.

Anyway, life's been freakingly crazy towards me for the past 4 months (PLUS) i have been around. For the almost-23 years of my life, I was bumming around or was doing something I have always wanted to do. And one fine day, the funny BIG GUY 'upstairs' decided to put me through trials and temptations, tribulations and whatever not that is treacherous and mind killing.

Yes. Internship this final semester was scary....

But then, after maneuvering myself out of the black hole after awhile, I realized something. I really did learn something!

I learnt about the POLITICS of being a human being, how scary can one be, and how intimidated we can be of another person. And it is funny when people claim that 'there is no politics in this company' when it will always happen, there will always be politics if there are people around!

Except if the office is filled with genuine guys (not those guys who are like women, always talking the most and showing off his cash and make other guys dislike him, of course). But point being, wherever there are human beings, there's bound to be politics.

I have learnt many intricate details of life. And many I have known before but mistakes made actually reminded me that we do not learn from our past as much as we preach about it.

How awful life must be, being a human being. We are all hypocrites. And along with it, we are racists and we are all politicians. The only difference that distinguishes us from another is how we 'play the game' even though we are not wary of the 'game' we are playing......

But I am thankful for the opportunity I was given to learn something.

Sometimes, life is too short. We cannot afford to always have scrunched up eyebrows and unhappy faces. Gotta cut off those niggling strings and have more fun!

Yeah. This is POST #1 about internship. Haven't had much experience in Reina yet to talk about the second and the third phase on the transformation yet....

I'm okay!

Despite having only 3.5 hours of sleep and waking up at 2.20am this morning to work, my blood pressure registered a reading of 120/84.

And my blood test results showed nothing abnormal, just that my cholesterol level is mildly high @ 2.85 mmol/L (which is above the normal 2.58 mmol/L threshold).

Blood sugar levels showed 5.0 mmol/L (which lies between the 3.9 and 7.7 range) despite me taking a strepsils tablet before the blood test. can't be all that bad, right?

I think my bit-by-bit exercise is starting to show some results.

THANKS BEBE FOR BEING MY MOTIVATOR TO EXERCISE! I LOVE YOU! :D

Letters of a bu$ine$$man to his son...

I was back in my hometown one day when my mom passed this book to me. She says that it is a very good read, full of insights and good thoughts about the business world.

This book has an unusually nice title for one that would be sitting among the ranks of "One Up on Wall Street" and the like. It's called "Letters of a Businessman to his Son" by G Kingsley Ward. It claims to be an extraordinary book that has changed a million business lives.

I admit that I have been too caught up with my work and other things in life to begin reading this book, but recently, I've started looking into it, and instantly got hooked on it.

The chapters within this book are the different letters that the father figure, a successful businessman running a health care business, writes to his son, a young aspiring businessman. It is arranged in chronological order of his son's life. It starts off when he graduates from university, becomes an executive in the father's company, encounters the many problems faced by us in the real working world as we progress up the ladder (such as entrepreneurship, success, failures, leadership, hiring and firing, the fine art of negotiation, dealing with bankers, dealing with governments, stress and health, and finally "you're on your own" - i.e. when the son takes over the business as the President at the end). It even talks about marriage and striking a good balance between work and life.

Being individual letters from father to son, this book will not appear as daunting as other books on business will. Instead of using flowery terms and scary scenarios, we find words of encouragement, praise, reprimand, and also advice; just like how our dads would talk to us. As stated in the back cover of the book, "Loving, elegant and powerful, each letter reveals a caring and profound understanding of the business-world and can only serve to inspire those wishing to share the wisdom and enthusiasm of this well-respected businessman."

Personally, my favorite paragraph from this book is this, "Once having tied the knot, I highly recommend you allot family time and business time in wise proportions of your mental time clock. Allotting too much time in either direction can be unhealthy - and be especially wary that the business side does not far outweigh the other right after the honeymoon. Chasing the almighty buck is our business, but if we cannot put bread on the table by pursuing it between 8.00am and 6.00pm five days a week, we are in the wrong business."

All in all, A VERY GOOD READ.

Me, a priest???

Mom just told me to post yet another blog for her, which I just did. This time round, it was about the 10th Anniversary of the ordination of Rev Father Peter Ng, who grew up and was finally ordained a priest in Batu Pahat.

Fr Peter was my mom's student back in the day when she was still teaching in my former school, SDBL. And while he was still studying Theology, there was this one day where he dropped by our house to visit my mom, and it so happened that my grandma was there as well.

So, amidst the chit-chat and all that, he actually asked my mom this one question, "Does Matthew want to become a priest?"

Okay, to be very honest, this was my reply, "No, I wanna have lots and lots of girlfriends" (I was only about 13 or 14, perhaps at that point in time, what did I know?)

Now, 15 - 16 years later, and happily about-to-be-engaged to my darling Michelle, I thought of this incident and I guess, frankly, that this will be the result if I were to be a priest:

1. I'll probably be the only one in the entire Vatican hierarchy who listens to Black Metal
2. My sermons will revolve around using Mathematics to decode the existence of God
   
3. My sermons will also involve quoting Lord Buddha
4. I'd probably be preaching about earth being the living hell, and we have to earn our way to heaven - failing which we'll be reincarnated again
5. I'll be kicking my own ass every night when I have dinner ALONE
   
6. I'LL PROBABLY BE EXPELLED AND PROCEED TO GET HITCHED TO SOMEONE ANYWAY!
   

Haha, not a good example to the parishioners, me thinks? But point being (and I strongly believe in this), God (or by whatever way you refer to Him as) has already done His homework as to what everybody's destiny is. If you're not destined to be somebody, you'll end up ultimately not being that somebody even if you were that somebody for a moment in time in your life.

[I'm currently a certified accountant (CPA), working as a global financial analyst with Hewlett Packard. Would it surprise you to know that I actually studied Investment Banking during my university years? The stars in heaven have determined that Matt Sia and Investment Banking will never be a match. Hell, I'm having a good time in HP anyway... :D]

Anyway, back to work... :(