6 months....

No, its not what you THINK it is....

6 months of pain and agony, not because of the thought of having another human in your belly that makes you puke in the morning.

Thank goodness, it is not! Hahaha....

But yes, pain and agony of going through something I didn't even understand. And 6 months is an understatement. It started from September 09 till now. Heck, I don't even know how  to count!

I've been spending time thinking about how our lives could become in the future based on the choices we make now. And as usual, there are consequences. But I guess nobody needs a consistent reminder on a daily basis when it comes to accountability and responsibility of a human being.

Since September 2009, I guess I have just seen the chameleons in many people. I wonder if Chia Sin, Jin Li and Chuii Khim remembers my "Walk Like A Chameleon" book that I had. The yellow/green book that tells us about our personalities....

When I thought about it yesterday after having a chat with a friend, it daunted me on how human beings are just not worthy of being trusted. Even after you give your trust to them. And gosh, am I ashamed to say that more often than not, its the WOMEN who does it again and again.

No wonder why femme fatale movies never worked for me in the first place! Ptui!!!

But back to the topic of my 6 months ++ of agony. I had this pain of trying to sound 'level headed' when in actual fact, I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want my kids to be mediocre. I want them to be as weird, wacky and crazy as possible. I want them to see things from a different perspective. And you're right my friend, as we grow up, we 'learn' to be uncreative.

After all, people get killed because of their 'ununiformed manners', they are prosecuted for their creativity, they are sacrificed because they can potentially shift the balance of the world.

And all because of the choices that person made in life!

How powerful can our choice be? Besides, not making a stand/choice is also a choice! I hate multiple choice questions. Damn.... And in life, I believe that there's only black and white. Grey area makes it difficult for us but sometimes, to side our little hearts, we use the 'grey' area to fight a losing battle even though we know it is not right.

I've thus learnt that, human beings are made to lie. Whether it is our expression through verbal communication, written, facial expression, body language, or even the fact that we withhold some truth in order to stay out of trouble (or even trying to NOT KNOW ANYTHING), we've lied.

How powerful can lies be?

Very powerful..... One small white lie can lead to a history book of lies. And imagine, all my life I've been reading so much about lies from my books. And yes, although lies are just a matter of perception, this will not happen if we use black/white to justify our every action and not the 'grey' area that we make-believe to exist. And I am working on one that can potentially break everything in life but then again, life's nothing without experiments. Let's make it work, shall we?

Now, I guess Schizophrenics are not that bad after all. We normal citizens do 'imagine' things that are not there too! We choose to be 'delusional' and say things that never happened, making our friends believe.

And yes.. Now I can be who I want to be. Lets continue the story that's been laid out!!!